“Michal the daughter of Saul had no child to the day of her death” (2 Samuel 6:23). This sobering judgment speaks the final word in the narrative of King David’s wife Michal.

What began as a love story ends in tragedy. How did Saul’s daughter, who once upon a time risked life and limb for her husband, come to such an end? God includes this vivid illustration in Scripture for our benefit, showing us the descent from a trustworthy wife to the kind of woman who sees only the worst in her husband, wrongly assessing the situation and casting evil judgment on him that falls back on her own lap. Michal’s story is instructive, especially for Christian wives tempted toward a critical spirit because circumstances are difficult or different from what they expected.

Michal Loved David

One of the first things we learn about Michal, aside from the fact that she was King Saul’s second daughter, is that she loved David. She loved him even before he presented two hundred Philistine foreskins to her father as a bride price — one hundred more than Saul requested. And this love was no ruse — it was a genuine love, a loyal love tested in life-and-death circumstances:

Saul sent messengers to David’s house to watch him, that he might kill him in the morning. But Michal, David’s wife, told him, “If you do not escape with your life tonight, tomorrow you will be killed.” So Michal let David down through the window, and he fled away and escaped. (1 Samuel 19:11–12)

Most new marriages never have to endure such a trial: Forced to side with your father, the king, or your new husband, whom do you choose? For Michal, the answer was clear. She forcefully advises her husband to flee, and then she deceives her father’s servants to protect David. The Scriptures record no hesitation on David’s part to follow her instructions. Rather, he listens to her, trusts her, and does all she says, and his life is saved as a result. Her instructions really were for his good. She was on his team no matter the cost.

“Offer faithful words to your husband in a way that does him good all his days.”

This scene of Michal helping David puts flesh on the ideal wife described in Proverbs: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10–12). Michal’s credibility as a trustworthy wife had a promising start.

An Unexpected Turn

The next time we hear of Michal, we learn that her father has given her as wife to another man, Palti, the son of Laish. But David has not forgotten her — and in time, he demands she be given back to him (2 Samuel 3:13–14). And so, she is taken from her father’s dying kingdom and returned to her rightful place in her husband’s household. Yet this return does not bring David “good, and not harm” all his days. Rather, it brings the sword thrusts of an unbridled tongue (Proverbs 12:18).

As David takes his place on the throne of Jerusalem, he sets himself to once again defeat the enemies of God, the Philistines, and to bring the ark of God to Jerusalem. After a three-month-long detour at Obed-edom’s house, David finally brings the ark into the city:

David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the city of David with rejoicing. And when those who bore the ark of the Lord had gone six steps, he sacrificed an ox and a fattened animal. And David danced before the Lord with all his might. And David was wearing a linen ephod. So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouting and with the sound of the horn. (2 Samuel 6:12–15)

David is full of joy, worshiping the Lord boldly with all his might, unconcerned with how others perceive him. But Michal is supremely concerned with the thoughts and perceptions of others. Even as he comes to bless her, she confronts him:

David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!” (2 Samuel 6:20)

Unfaithful Wounds

Proverbs 27:6 instructs us that there is a kind of wounding with words that a faithful friend can offer. These “faithful wounds” are not rash sword thrusts of the tongue, but rather the kind of wounds aimed ultimately at healing and binding up. Michal goes from giving David urgent and faithful instructions to save his life early in their marriage to giving him a sarcastic barb of disdain and derision cloaked as a righteous critique. Her words were meant to wound — and David knew it, perceiving himself “contemptible” and “abased” in her eyes (2 Samuel 6:22). Perhaps she believed her words were also meant to heal, if only David would agree with her critique and take it to heart.

After all, maybe he did come off as vulgar. Maybe it was an embarrassing scene. Maybe he could have danced in a way that didn’t draw quite so much attention to himself. But she did not factor in the thing that mattered most: what God thought.

Many wives critique their husbands based on their own sense of things. They have an idea of what would make for a great family life or a great evening or a great ministry, and they think they know what their husband needs to be or do to achieve those ends. They can’t help but notice that other Christian husbands keep a regular schedule or make time for family vacations or help with the dishes or lead daily family worship or keep the yard tidy or refrain from telling silly jokes. Their own sense of what would be best for him grates against the reality of day-to-day life, often leaving them not only dissatisfied but self-righteous. And from this poisoned heart, saltwater springs forth, leaving their husband with untrustworthy wounds (James 3:6–13).

“When a wife’s heart is calibrated to what pleases God, even her critiques become health in his bones.”

The embittered wife quietly and subtly stops playing for her husband’s team and forms her own team, one that competes with and tries to beat him. Submission is no longer this wife’s heart posture, so it isn’t surprising that her words put her in the driver’s seat of his life. This sort of wife will be tempted to use God for her ends rather than live fearfully before his face. Like Michal, her assessments may sound godly, pointing out seemingly obvious problems. Her sense of what her husband ought to do may even be correct.

But until she has calibrated her heart to genuinely seek good for her husband before God’s face, she will be a frustrated wife whose words lack the grace necessary to build up her hearer.

A Blessing All His Days

David, thankfully, did not fall to Michal’s untrustworthy wounds. He responds to her as a man who lives for an audience of One. “It was before the Lord, who chose me above your father and above all his house, to appoint me as prince over Israel, the people of the Lord — and I will celebrate before the Lord” (2 Samuel 6:21). In other words, he will not live to please her sense of things. She thinks him vulgar; he knows he is not. He does not worship God to gain the approval of men or young women or even his wife. He worships God to please God, and nothing will keep him from it.

As we know, the narrative records no happy ending for Michal. In her final epitaph, she is called “the daughter of Saul,” not “the wife of David” — a fitting description for a woman whose love for David had shriveled into misguided suspicion, just like her father’s had. But, fellow Christian wives, we can be assured of better things for those walking by the Spirit of God.

Be loyal to your husband. See the best in him. Give yourself fully to seeing your husband the way God sees him rather than getting bogged down by your own sense of things or worrying about the perceptions of others. Only then will you be equipped to offer faithful words to your husband in a way that does him good and not harm all his days — which is to say, in a way that pleases God. When a wife is truly for her husband and she has his trust, when her heart is calibrated to what pleases God, even her critiques become health in his bones."