“Lord, please establish our entire family and relatives as a loving family.”
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:31-33)
Last Sunday, we held a thanksgiving service to celebrate the 42nd anniversary of the founding of Victory Presbyterian Church, where I serve as the senior pastor. Based on the promise from Matthew 16:18, the theme of the sermon was "The Church Built by the Lord," and I received five prayer requests. I applied those five prayer points to my entire family and relatives and proclaimed God's word during our online family prayer meeting on Tuesday: "Lord, please establish our entire family and relatives as (1) a thankful family, (2) a steadfast family, (3) a victorious family, (4) a family that raises workers, and (5) a family that expands God's kingdom." I pray that our entire family and relatives will realize that where sin abounds, God's abundant grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) will overflow even more (Romans 5:20), and through this understanding (Colossians 1:6), we will become a family that thanks God. May the Lord establish our entire family and relatives on the solid rock of Jesus Christ (Matthew 16:18; 1 Corinthians 10:4), and may we deeply root ourselves in Christ, building our lives on Him, standing firm in the faith as we have been taught (Colossians 2:7), and practicing (obeying) His Word (Matthew 7:24-25), so that no matter what temptations, deceptions, trials, or difficulties come our way, we will not be shaken but will always be fervent in the Lord's work (1 Corinthians 15:58). I pray that our entire family and relatives will have a victorious assurance rooted in the love of the Triune God (Romans 8:35-39) and in the victory of Christ (v. 37), believing that God, who is faithful, will not allow us to be tested beyond what we can bear, but will provide a way out during times of trial (1 Corinthians 10:13). May we, in our spiritual warfare, live a victorious life in faith. The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few ("harvest")—at a time when there are fewer laborers preaching the gospel ("workers for the harvest"). I pray that the Lord will raise up workers with Christ-centered dreams among my entire family and relatives (Matthew 9:37-38). May the Lord send these workers to various places to expand His kingdom, and may our entire family and relatives be used for this purpose. Additionally, I added one more prayer request, applying it to my entire family and relatives: "Lord, please establish our entire family and relatives as a loving family."
Today, I have summarized the sixth prayer request, "Lord, please establish our entire family and relatives as a loving family," based on the two articles I wrote on family last Sunday afternoon and Monday morning, and the passage from Ephesians 5:31-33, in seven key points.
First, family is very important.
Each family within our entire family and extended family is truly important. The Lord loves each of our families and considers them very important. The Lord, who is the head of each of our families, places great importance on the spiritual health of each of our families (3 John 1:2). Therefore, each of our family members should also place great importance on the families that the Lord values, as well as on the spiritual health of each of our families.
Second, the spiritual health of the husband, as the head of the household, is very important.
The spiritual health of the husband, who is the head of each of our families, is truly important. Of course, the spiritual health of the wife is also very important. However, if the husband is not spiritually healthy, how can he raise his wife in the Word of God? (Ephesians 5:29) A wise and mature wife prays for her husband's spiritual health and sacrificially helps him. Therefore, the husband, as the head of the household, must be spiritually healthy and raise not only his beloved wife but also his beloved children with the Lord's teachings and discipline (Ephesians 6:4). When this happens, the entire family and relatives can be spiritually healthy.
Third, the spiritual maturity and leadership of the husband, as the head of the household, is very important.
A spiritually healthy husband faithfully nurtures his beloved wife with the Word of God for her spiritual health. In this process, he himself lives a life of obedience to God's Word first. No matter how much he may live a life of obedience outside the home and gain recognition and praise from others, if he does not live that way within the home, it is not a faithful life of obedience to the Word. A spiritually mature husband shows the example of obedience to God's Word to his beloved wife and children, and by doing so, he nurtures them. This mature, obedient leadership of the husband is very important.
Fourth, a spiritually healthy and mature husband loves his wife first.
A spiritually healthy and mature husband loves his wife according to the Word of God, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it (Ephesians 5:23). He loves his wife as he loves himself (vv. 28, 33), because to love his wife is to love himself (v. 28). A spiritually healthy and mature husband, in loving his wife as himself, ensures that no third party—whether children, parents, siblings, or even friends—interferes in their relationship. In this context, a third party refers to anyone outside the marriage. However, a spiritually unhealthy and immature husband does not prioritize the marriage relationship and allows third parties to interfere, leading to conflict, quarrels, and strife. This is not the type of marriage or love that God desires.
Fifth, a spiritually healthy and mature husband establishes clear and healthy boundaries.
In Ephesians 5:31 (Korean Modern Bible), it is written: "For this reason, the Bible says, 'A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.'" A spiritually healthy and mature husband, having left his parents and joined with his wife, does not allow anyone—whether his children, parents, siblings, or friends—to interfere in their marital relationship. He wisely establishes clear and healthy boundaries to protect the marriage relationship. He prioritizes his marriage and ensures no one can penetrate and cause conflict between him and his wife. However, a spiritually unhealthy and immature husband fails to establish these boundaries, and as a result, he allows others to influence the marriage and cause conflict. Specifically, a husband who is overly influenced by his mother may often be the cause of conflicts between his wife and mother. In these cases, the husband, instead of fostering peace in the relationship between his wife and mother, may inadvertently make it worse. This often stems from an unhealthy, codependent relationship with his mother, in which he fails to establish healthy boundaries. As a result, he struggles to prioritize his wife and is uncertain of how to navigate between his wife and mother. The wife, seeing her husband side with his mother over her, may lose trust in him and be unable to receive the love she needs from him (Ephesians 5:25-28, 33). She may begin to pour excessive love onto her children instead, which often leads to an unhealthy, codependent relationship with them. As a result, the couple's marriage becomes secondary, and the husband becomes indecisive and ineffective in his role. If the couple has married children, the excessive love from the mother may cause conflicts in their children's marriage as well. Therefore, a spiritually healthy and mature husband must clearly establish healthy boundaries, ensuring that neither his parents nor children can negatively affect his primary relationship with his wife. In this way, the husband, loving his wife as Christ loved the Church and giving himself for her (Ephesians 5:25, 28, 33), will be loved by his wife, who will respect him (v. 33) and, as the Church submits to Christ, she will submit to her husband in all things (v. 24). As a result, the couple will continue to be built up as spiritually healthy and mature partners.
Sixth, a marriage relationship may face crises or challenges.
I believe that crises or challenges in a marriage relationship can arise not only for spiritually unhealthy and immature couples but also for spiritually healthy and mature couples. In other words, crises or challenges can come to any couple. Of course, the nature of the crises or challenges may be the same for both types of couples, but they could also be different. What is important is that it is not desirable for spiritually healthy and mature couples to think that they will never face a crisis or challenge in their relationship, just as it is not desirable for spiritually unhealthy and immature couples to live with the constant belief that there will always be a crisis or challenge. In other words, the key is that any couple, at any time, can face unexpected crises or challenges in their relationship. Therefore, when such a crisis or challenge comes, the couple should be prepared to know what they need to do. I would like to share three personal ways to prepare for such situations: A marital crisis can be a good opportunity given by the Lord. In other words, a crisis in a marriage relationship can be a valuable opportunity provided by the Lord for the growth and maturity of that relationship. This valuable opportunity is a chance for the couple to desperately seek the Lord together. When a marriage is struggling and suffering, it is easy for both partners to become discouraged and even fall into despair. In such moments of marital despair, the great grace given by the Lord works in our hearts, making us yearn for Him. He causes us to find hope in Him, making Him the hope for both ourselves and our marriage. In short, a marital crisis is an opportunity for earnest prayer, seeking God desperately. Another precious opportunity is when the Lord cultivates the hearts of the couple, softening them, and planting His Word in their hearts. In other words, a marital crisis is a great opportunity for God's Word to be planted in the heart of the couple. For example, when a couple is going through a crisis or challenge, in their desperate search for God, He may plant the seed of victory from 1 Corinthians 10:13 into their hearts: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (Korean Modern Bible). As we receive this Word and meditate quietly before God, the Holy Spirit may give us the insight to pray like this with our hearts: "The marital trial I am facing is something that everyone goes through. I believe in the truth that God is faithful and will not allow me to face a temptation I cannot bear, and He will surely provide a way out when I am tempted, allowing me to endure this trial in my marriage." As we receive God's Word with faith, may it work powerfully within us, guiding us to victory in the spiritual battle with the enemy (1 Thessalonians 2:13) so that all couples may experience victory and overcome challenges (1 John 2:14).
Seventh, the marital relationship should align with the relationship between Christ and the Church.
Ephesians 5:32 in the Korean Modern Bible reads: “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” In this letter to the Ephesians, Apostle Paul speaks about the relationship between husband and wife, and as he reaches the conclusion, he quotes Genesis 2:24: “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31, Korean Modern Bible). He then explains, “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church” (v. 32, Korean Modern Bible). The meaning of this is that when a man leaves his parents and is united to his wife, becoming one flesh, the husband is to love his wife “just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (vv. 25, 28, 33, Korean Modern Bible), and the wife is to “submit to her husband in everything, just as the church submits to Christ” (v. 24, Korean Modern Bible), respecting her husband (v. 33). The key point here is “Christ” (vv. 24, 25). In other words, the Lord-centered marriage seeks to follow the biblical relationship between Christ and the church. To be more precise, the Lord-centered marriage aligns with the biblical relationship between Christ and the church.
I would like to conclude with a meditation on this Word. I pray that the Lord will make my entire family, including relatives, a family of gratitude, a solid family, a victorious family, and the Lord-centered family that raises workers with dreams centered on the Lord, sending them out to expand God's kingdom. I especially pray that the Lord will make my entire family a family of love, bringing glory to God.
May the Lord establish our entire family and relatives as a family worthy of the Lord,
James Kim
(July 14, 2022, after declaring the word of God with a sincere and heavy heart, focusing on Ephesians 5:31-33 during the online family prayer meeting last Tuesday afternoon)