About our beloved children’s relationships and marriages …
Yesterday, early Sunday morning, I had a conversation with my beloved daughter, Yeri, who is in Japan, through KakaoTalk. The main topic of our discussion was relationships. Later that Sunday morning, before my dear friend, a pastor, delivered God’s Word at our church service, we had a meaningful conversation in the church’s pastoral office, where we also talked about our children’s marriages. At that moment, I felt that my early morning conversation with Yeri about relationships was not a coincidence. It also led me to reflect on my beloved son, Dillon, and Jessica’s marriage. This morning, Monday, I had an open and honest discussion with my beloved wife about these thoughts. The central theme of all these conversations was “About our beloved children’s relationships and marriages.” So, as I write this, I want to organize my thoughts one by one:
1. God’s way of working is truly fascinating. I believe that my conversation with Yeri, followed by my discussion with my pastor friend, was not coincidental but rather orchestrated under God’s sovereignty. It was also encouraging that my wife and I could discuss and agree on these matters together.
2. I believe that through these conversations, there are lessons God is teaching me and important reflections He is placing on my heart.
3. One of the reflections that came to mind is that, as parents of our three children, my wife and I naturally have concerns and worries regarding their relationships and marriages. Furthermore, I acknowledge that these concerns could become even more of a reality in the future.
4. Another thought is that, as parents, we may not always fully approve of the person our child is dating. However, what is even more interesting is that even if we do approve of their partner, we may not be comfortable with that person’s parents, circumstances, or environment (My pastor friend mentioned that the relationship between my son's future spouse and her father is crucial. In other words, the father-daughter relationship is very important. If my son were to marry a woman who has a broken relationship with her father and carries deep wounds from that relationship, their marriage could be significantly affected. This made me reflect on my own relationship with my daughters, Yeri and Karis. Applying this principle to them, I believe that the relationship a man has with his mother is also critical. If a man has an unhealthy or overly dependent relationship with his mother—if he is a "mama’s boy"—then not only could his marriage with my daughter be difficult, but the relationship between my daughter and her mother-in-law could also be very challenging). Considering such situations and environments, if we imagine our beloved daughters marrying into them, it is natural for us to feel concern and worry.
5. From a parental perspective, some children seem mature enough to navigate relationships and future marriage wisely on their own. However, for other children, we might feel they are still somewhat immature, leading us to have greater concerns.
6. If, as parents, we recognize that our child is still immature and is so infatuated with their romantic partner that they lose rational judgment and act impulsively, we must wisely advise and counsel them to prevent them from making reckless decisions. This is an important lesson we have learned (Preventing such behavior could include, for example, encouraging our child to create some physical distance from their partner. However, it is likely that they would resist our advice and refuse to separate from the person they love). I believe this is not an easy lesson at all. Implementing it in real life would be impossible without God’s help (For instance, unless God Himself intervenes and creates circumstances that naturally distance our child from their romantic partner, this separation may not happen). This reminds us how deeply we, as parents, need God’s help and guidance.
7. Ultimately, after reflecting on my conversations with my beloved daughter, my pastor friend, and my wife, I have come to a personal conclusion: As the father of my three children, I must have faith that the Lord loves our children far more than we, as parents, ever could. Because of this, He will sovereignly guide their relationships and future marriages, fulfilling His good, perfect, and pleasing will (Of course, my wife must also have this faith). Standing firmly upon this foundation of faith, my wife and I must seek God’s help so that, with His wisdom, spiritual discernment, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we may humbly support and assist our children in their relationships and future marriages as needed, moment by moment. In this process, I believe the most urgent priority is that my wife and I humbly entrust all our worries, concerns, and anxieties to the Lord in faith. Moreover, as we grow in trusting and depending entirely on God, I pray that we will wisely fulfill our great responsibility as parents—whether it be regarding our son Dillon and Jessica’s marriage, Yeri and Chris’s relationship, or, in the future, if Karis also enters a relationship—by following the Holy Spirit’s leading to provide timely and gracious support as needed.