The relationship of the wise:
Application to marital relationships
[Proverbs 3:27-35]
I believe that the relationship which brings the most joy, happiness, and fulfillment among all human relationships is the marital relationship. At the same time, I also think that the relationship which brings the most sadness, pain, and unhappiness is the marital relationship. In this way, spouses are both the greatest encouragers, bringing comfort to one another, and the greatest discouragers, causing disheartenment. So, how should we conduct our marriage? How can we have a marriage that brings glory to God? As I meditate on the passage of Proverbs 3:27-31 under the title “The relationship of the wise: Application to marital relationships,” I want to draw three principles and lessons to apply to our marital relationships. I pray that all of us, as couples, will establish marriages centered on the Lord, obedient to His Word, and bring glory to God..
First, we should not withhold giving to those who truly deserve it.
Look at Proverbs 3:27-28: "Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, 'Go, and come back, and tomorrow I will give it,' when you have it with you." I have already applied this lesson to the relationship between employer and employee. Today, I want to apply this lesson to the marital relationship. Husbands, we must not withhold love from our wives, who are the ones most deserving of our love. In particular, husbands must abandon the thought that we should show more love to others than to our own wives, simply because she is the one closest to us. How can we say we love others if we fail to love our wives properly? Another excuse we often give is that our wives must respect us and show love in order for us to love them. However, the Bible in Ephesians 5:25 clearly says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. We do not love our wives because they have shown us something worthy of love; rather, we must love our wives as Christ loves the church. Our wives are truly deserving of our love. Therefore, husbands must recognize that our wives are deserving of love and should not withhold our love from them. So, what should wives do for their husbands? They should respect them. Wives should give their husbands the respect they rightfully deserve. Of course, wives may ask, "How can I respect my husband when he does not act in ways that deserve respect?" But the Bible in Ephesians 5:24 tells wives to submit to and respect their husbands in everything, just as the church submits to Christ. Therefore, Christian wives should respect and obey their husbands as they would the Lord.
Second, we should not harm others without cause.
Look at Proverbs 3:29-30: "Do not plot evil against your neighbor who dwells trustfully beside you. Do not strive with a man without cause, if he has done you no harm." The closest neighbor who gives us trust and peace is our husband or wife in a marital relationship. The problem, however, is that in marriages, the enemy (Satan) works to break that trust rather than build it, sowing seeds of doubt and mistrust in our hearts. As a result, couples often fight and argue over small matters. The root cause of this is misunderstanding each other over even the smallest things. And while we may misunderstand each other, we often don't know how to communicate or resolve those misunderstandings. As a result, trust is broken, and we stop opening our hearts and sharing with one another. This leads to the inability to form a deeper relationship. But the problem doesn't end there. As misunderstandings accumulate, they grow into dissatisfaction, complaints, and distrust. Consequently, even the smallest triggers can lead to explosive arguments. Eventually, the relationship between husband and wife can deteriorate into animosity, instead of remaining a loving, trusting partnership. What should we do? Husbands, what should we do for our wives? And wives, what should you do for your husbands? We should not argue or criticize each other without cause (v. 30). We should not become a couple who causes harm or slanders one another without reason. Instead, we should be the closest neighbors who give each other trust and confidence. To achieve this, we must live according to the Lord's will in our marriage, being honest and obedient. When we do this, the wife can trust her husband, and the husband can trust his wife. Even when circumstances are difficult, we must trust the Lord and commit to trusting one another.
Third, we should not envy the violent.
Look at Proverbs 3:31: "Do not envy the violent, and do not choose any of their ways." In this evil world, there are times when we may envy the prosperity of the violent, the sinner, or the wicked (Proverbs 23:17; 24:1, 19). As a result, we may stumble by envying the prosperity of the wicked (Psalms 73:1). We might question why, as believers in Jesus, we endure suffering, while the violent, sinners, and wicked prosper. This can lead us to stumble and follow the ways of the wicked, sinning against God. However, in today's passage, King Solomon, the wise man, advises us not to envy the violent or follow any of their ways. Why should we not envy the violent or follow their ways? What is the reason?
In Proverbs 3:32-35, the Bible gives us four reasons (Walvoord). We will consider these four reasons and apply them to our marital relationships.
(1) The first reason is that God hates the rebellious.
Look at Proverbs 3:32: "For the LORD detests the perverse but takes the upright into his confidence." The first reason why we should not envy the prosperity of the violent or the wicked or follow their ways is that God hates them. Is there any excuse we can make for this clear reason? It’s simple, straightforward, and obvious. Because God hates them, we should not envy the violent or the wicked or follow their ways. Instead, you and I should strive to be upright. Why? Because God loves the upright, and only the upright can have a deep fellowship with Him.
We are facing a crisis of honesty. Not to mention other relationships, we have faced a crisis of honesty within our marriage, where we have become one body in the Lord. The cause is that, instead of approaching each other with upright hearts, we have approached each other with rebellious hearts, envying the ways of the rebellious. Because of this, we not only lack a deep fellowship with the Lord, but we are also unable to share a deep fellowship within our marriage. This is not the relationship the Lord desires for us as a couple. The relationship the Lord desires for us is one where we share deep fellowship in the Lord. To achieve this, we must reject rebellion and choose honesty. In other words, husbands should be honest with their wives as they are with the Lord. The same goes for wives. Just as they are honest with the Lord, wives should be honest with their husbands. In doing so, we can share deep fellowship with each other in the Lord.
(2) The second reason is that God curses the wicked.
Look at Proverbs 3:33: "The curse of the Lord is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the dwelling of the righteous." In the book of Proverbs, King Solomon repeatedly advises us not to envy the prosperity of the wicked (Proverbs 23:17; 24:1, 19). Why is this? The reason is that God curses the house of the wicked (Proverbs 3:33). Although it may seem that the wicked live well, prosper, and are successful on earth from our human perspective, the Bible says their ultimate end is destruction and ruin (Psalms 73:18-19). However, God blesses the righteous, as the Bible tells us today (Proverbs 3:33). Therefore, as those who are justified by faith in Jesus Christ, we should not envy the prosperity of the wicked but instead rejoice in the suffering of the righteous. Why? Because our Lord Jesus also suffered, and to share in His suffering is a grace from God (Philippians 1:29).
We dislike suffering. Which couple would enjoy going through hardship? Therefore, there are times when we envy the prosperity of the wicked. However, the Bible clearly tells us today that God not only hates the wicked but also curses them. On the other hand, God loves the honest and blesses the righteous. Therefore, as couples, rather than envying the prosperity of a thousand wicked people, we should join in the suffering of one righteous person. Why? The reason is that, as a couple, when we become one body and share in the Lord’s suffering, it is a grace (Philippians 1:29). If we, as one body, live the life of the righteous and endure suffering for the Lord, God will bless us.
(3) The third reason is that God mocks the arrogant.
Look at Proverbs 3:34: "Surely He scoffs at the scoffers, but He gives grace to the humble." As we reflected on in Proverbs 1:26, when we refuse to listen to God’s rebuke (v. 24) and instead despise His counsel (v. 25), we will encounter disaster (v. 26), and when fear comes upon us, God will mock us (v. 26). We have already learned that when we are arrogant, refusing to listen to God’s correction and instead despising it, God mocks us. In today’s passage, King Solomon says something similar. God mocks the arrogant. The arrogant, who do not accept God’s rebuke, who despise it and seek their own glory rather than God’s, are mocked by God, as the Bible says. Therefore, we must never be arrogant. Instead, we should be humble. Why? Because God gives grace to the humble.
We, as a couple, must be cautious of arrogance. The enemy places pride in our hearts, transforming us into selfish individuals who demand love or respect from one another by seeking positions higher than the other, rather than serving each other with humility. We must fight against this temptation from the enemy. To overcome this spiritual battle, we must look to Jesus, who humbled Himself to the point of death on the cross and obeyed the will of God the Father (Philippians 2:5-8). Therefore, we should consider one another as better than ourselves (v. 3). And not only should we look out for our own interests, but we should also look out for the interests of our spouse (v. 4). In doing so, our joy will be fulfilled by the Lord, who is our joy (v. 4).
(4) The final reason is that God will shame the foolish.
Look at Proverbs 3:35: "The wise will inherit honor, but fools get only shame." The violent and wicked people, while committing sins, often do not feel shame. This is because their consciences have become numb, and they have become shameless. The problem is that even we Christians, who repeatedly commit the same sins, are increasingly unaware of our own shame. I recently read an article in a Christian news outlet about a pastor who, while working with a larger Christian organization, exposed the financial misconduct of a senior pastor in their denomination by presenting a recorded tape as evidence. When I read that, I found myself speechless. What left me even more speechless was the image of the pastor exposing the wrongdoing, sitting in a chair holding the tape recorder — a picture that showed no humility or shame. A foolish and ignorant person, while sinning against God, does not recognize sin as sin and, even after committing disgraceful acts, feels no shame. We must not be like that. As Christians, we must know how to feel shame. We should never be foolish Christians who, even after sinning, feel no remorse. Instead, we must be wise Christians. When God rebukes us, we must humbly accept His correction. And when God exposes our sins, we should feel some level of shame. Therefore, we must repent of our sins, turn back to God, and inherit honor.
As husbands and wives, we must be people who can feel some level of shame before God and our children. To fail to love and honor each other, and to be disobedient without feeling any shame before God and our children, is truly a disgrace. We must feel ashamed. Especially when we argue and fight in front of our children and feel no shame, it shows that our consciences have become numb and our faces are shameless. We need to realize this and humbly come before God the Father, confessing and repenting of our sins. The wise person, when the Holy Spirit convicts our consciences with God's Word and rebukes our hearts, listens to the rebuke and obeys the Holy Spirit’s prompting, going before God the Father to repent of their sins. When we do so, we will inherit glory from God.
I would like to conclude with a reflection on the Word. Under the title "Human Relationships of the Wise" (1)~(3), we have learned three key principles for relationships from Proverbs 3:27-35. First, we should not withhold from giving to those who deserve it; second, we should not harm others without cause; and third, we should not envy the violent. The reason we should not envy the violent is that God hates the wicked, curses them, mocks the proud, and will shame the foolish. Instead, we should become honest people whom God loves and righteous people whom God blesses. We should also become humble individuals whom God shows grace to, and wise people who inherit glory from God. Today, I applied these three principles to our marital relationships. The reason for this is that many couples around us are suffering from marital conflicts. Couples often argue, fight, and say hurtful words that wound each other’s hearts without hesitation in anger. They may also fail to be honest with one another, envy the prosperity of the wicked, and, instead of humbly serving each other, try to control one another with pride. Additionally, some couples are foolish in refusing to listen to the Lord’s rebuke, as well as the loving rebukes from each other. What should we, as a couple, do? We must unreservedly show each other the love and respect that we rightfully deserve. A husband should receive respect from his wife, and a wife should receive love from her husband. Furthermore, we must become trustworthy individuals to each other. We must also be honest with each other. Instead of envying the prosperity of the wicked, we should share in the suffering of the righteous. We must humble ourselves and serve each other, considering the other better than ourselves. And we must strive to be wise couples. Therefore, I pray that all of us will be dedicated to building the Lord-centered marriages, so that in this age where divorce rates are soaring, couples who believe in Jesus can show how they are different, radiating the fragrance of Christ’s love.
With a deep desire to love my wife with God's love and show her a small reflection of Jesus before I die,
James Kim
(March 30, 2011, Pursuing the Lord-centered marital and interpersonal relationships)