We must dedicate ourselves
to be free from the past!
These days, my wife and I have been watching the Korean drama “Forecasting Love and Weather” (기상청 사람들). However, while watching it with my beloved wife yesterday, I was reminded of a book I read before getting married: Making Peace with Your Past by H. Norman Wright (Before getting married, I personally came to really appreciate H. Norman Wright’s books on marriage). Perhaps the reason for this is that, while watching the drama, I felt that the female lead—who had been in a 10-year relationship and was once engaged but eventually broke it off—was unable to move on from her past. The lingering effects of her previous romantic relationship seemed to be negatively impacting her current relationship with the male lead. At the same time, the man she previously dated also failed to properly bring closure to their past relationship and continued to remain entangled with her, which in turn had a profoundly negative impact on his marriage. With this in mind, I have decided to reflect more deeply on how we can truly experience freedom from our past. I hope to organize my thoughts by writing them down and exploring this topic further.
1. The word of God that I hold onto in prayer is John 8:32: "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
2. Jesus, who is the Truth (John 14:6), commands us to "forgive your brother from your heart" (Matthew 18:35).
3. However, even though we know Jesus' words, the reason we do not (or cannot?) obey them is that the wounds we have received from our loved ones in the past are too deep and painful (For example, wounds from a beloved father or mother, wounds from a beloved spouse, wounds from a beloved boyfriend or girlfriend, and so on).
4. Wounds from parents, wounds from a spouse, wounds from children, wounds from siblings, wounds from relatives—what should we do about them? How should we respond to the suffering, pain, and wounds that come into our lives? Henry Nouwen, in his book “Turn My Mourning into Dancing,” suggests four ways to respond. He refers to these four responses as the four steps of dancing with God:
a. The first step in dancing with God is to grieve the pain and suffering we experience. We must weep when it is time to weep. However, we must weep before the cross. When we are in pain and suffering, we must come before God the Father and tell Him of our pain and sorrow. Yet, for some reason, instead of acknowledging our pain, suffering, and sorrow, we often try to deny it, ignore it, or suppress it deep within our hearts. If we do this, the suffering we experience cannot bring us any benefit. On the contrary, like the Israelites in the Old Testament, we are more likely to fall into sin—grumbling and complaining against God whenever we face hardship.
b. The second step in dancing with God is to face the cause of our pain and suffering. We must look directly at the hidden losses that paralyze us and imprison us in denial, shame, and guilt. What, then, is the root cause of our pain and suffering? In order to either confront or avoid it, we must first understand what that cause is. Yet, many times, we seem unaware of the true source of our pain and suffering. As a result, not only do we fail to face it, but even when we do recognize it, our natural human instinct is to avoid it rather than confront it. Why? Because avoidance is what we are accustomed to. However, unless we face the cause of our pain and suffering, we will not be able to experience the grace that God desires to pour out upon us through our hardships.
c. The third step in the dance is to enter into and go through our pain, suffering, loss, and wounds. We must never pour excessive energy into denial. Instead, we must acknowledge what needs to be acknowledged and step into the pain, suffering, loss, and wounds we are experiencing. We can no longer avoid them. We must enter the tunnel of pain and suffering. Though it may be dark and frightening, we must still go through it. Unless we enter that tunnel, the suffering we experience will bring us no benefit.
d. The fourth and final step in the dance is to meet God the Father in the midst of our pain, suffering, loss, and wounds. We must enter the tunnel of pain and suffering and experience the pain, suffering, loss, and wounds of Jesus. It is in doing so that we find healing for our own pain and wounds. Furthermore, through this process, we can be raised up as wounded healers, becoming instruments of the Lord to bring healing to others.
5. In the book “Healing for Damaged Emotions,” the author, David A. Seamands, a former missionary to India, states that one of the most common emotional wounds is the inability to recognize one's own worth. He describes this as a person who constantly carries worry, sees themselves as inadequate, and struggles with feelings of inferiority, repeatedly telling themselves, "I'm not good enough." He also mentions another type of person who suffers from a "perfectionist complex." These individuals are always searching, always striving, yet always feeling guilty and trapped in a mindset that they must constantly do something to prove their worth. Additionally, he identifies another damaged emotion called "excessive sensitivity" (super sensitivity). A person who is overly sensitive is easily and deeply wounded. There are also those who are filled with fear, and perhaps the greatest of these fears is the fear of failure. Seamands concludes by stating that most Christians deny that they have serious emotional problems. He goes on to say that many Christians believe that being filled with the Holy Spirit will automatically resolve all their problems, so they continue to suppress or hide their deep emotional wounds. If they do not, they often suffer from guilt due to their lack of inner freedom and even engage in self-destructive behavior. However, unresolved issues remain buried beneath the surface of life and later manifest in various ways, such as physical illnesses, depression, strange behaviors, or unhappy family situations. If there are deep wounds from the past that still bind our hearts, we must remember that God desires to break the chains of oppression that have kept us bound to our past and set us free to live a life of true freedom. Moreover, God is willing to help us break those chains and experience that freedom. David A. Seamands, a former missionary to India, emphasizes that God heals our emotional wounds, but he also outlines six steps we must take: (a) Face the problem head-on, (b) Acknowledge your own responsibility for the issue, whatever it may be, (c) Ask yourself if you truly desire healing, (d) Forgive everyone involved in the issue, (e) Forgive yourself, (f) Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the root of the problem and guide you in how to pray for it (Seamands).
6. Wounds from romantic relationships can be truly devastating. They can even lead us to the point of giving up on our own souls. Because the wounds from romantic relationships can have such serious consequences, I want to reflect deeply on them in the light of Scripture. There is much I do not know, but I would like to write down the thoughts that come to my heart.
a. The first thought that comes to mind is, of course, the wounds of Jesus. When we are wounded in a romantic relationship, it is natural that Jesus' wounds may not even cross our minds. However, if God grants us the grace to intentionally reflect on the wounds of Jesus, we must ask ourselves: Why did Jesus suffer those wounds? The reason is that Jesus was wounded on our behalf. His wounds are different from the wounds we experience in romantic relationships. In romantic relationships, we are wounded "because of" the other person, but we are not wounded "for" or "on behalf of" the other person. If we could experience wounds in a romantic relationship in a way that reflects Jesus’ love—suffering not just because of someone, but for their sake—then perhaps we would be pursuing a higher, Christ-centered dimension of love in our relationships.
b. The second thought that comes to mind is "wound tolerance." Jesus was wounded on our behalf. So, shouldn't we as Christians also be able to bear wounds on behalf of the ones we love? If we can, this would truly be a remarkable or mature expression of pursuing the love of the Lord. However, it seems that many romantic relationships lack the capacity to bear wounds for the other person, or to suffer on their behalf. Of course, some may claim that they bear wounds for the one they love, but I wonder how truly capable they are of accepting such wounds. Moreover, there may be a confusion between what is truly acceptable to the Lord in terms of wound tolerance and what we consider acceptable in our own eyes. We might be mistaken in thinking we understand it correctly, while in reality, we might be operating under a false illusion of what is truly a godly tolerance for suffering.
c. The third thought that comes to mind is the word "healing." The wounds we have received need to be bound up and healed, but how is this truly possible? Of course, the Bible tells us that God heals. In particular, Psalms 147:2 shows that in healing our wounds, God first heals our inner broken hearts and then heals our external wounds. When we consider how the Lord heals the broken-hearted, He does so with a love that is greater, wider, and deeper than any romantic love from a relationship. It is the love of God the Father that heals. It is only with this love that we can be healed of the wounds we have received in our romantic relationships. Just as the great ocean covers the streams, when God's vast love covers the wounds of humanity, healing takes place. In the process of dating, deep wounds are caused by breakups, leading to feelings of disgust with everything, even with people, and ultimately, a rejection of God. Even if we feel like giving up on ourselves, God will not abandon us in our wounded state. He will never let us go. In fact, God the Father, with His loving and precious care, actively seeks us, His beautiful sons and daughters, who are wounded by love, to embrace us in His love. When we throw ourselves into His embrace, like Jonah, when we are held by Jesus' arms spread on the cross, and when we touch His nail-pierced hands and the wound in His side in faith, our wounds will disappear, and we will be healed.
7. Finally, I want to reflect on Joseph, the "wounded healer" who experienced freedom from his past, and conclude with his story. In the Bible, Joseph, as seen in the book of Genesis, was loved by his father Jacob but was hated by his 10 brothers. They even plotted to kill him, though he narrowly escaped death. Yet, God saved Joseph from this death threat, and at the age of 17, he was sold as a slave to Egypt, where he served in the house of Potiphar, an Egyptian officer. Later, he was unjustly accused and imprisoned. If Joseph had remained trapped in his past, he could never have forgiven his brothers and might have sought revenge, holding onto bitterness and resentment (Genesis 50:15). However, instead of seeking revenge, he reassured his brothers, who feared him, and cared for them and their children for the rest of his life (until he was 110 years old) (Genesis 50:20-22). How was Joseph able to do this? How could he forgive his brothers and actively love them, all while enjoying freedom from the past? I find the answer in Genesis 50:19: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives" (Korean Modern Bible).
a. I believe Joseph's ability to genuinely forgive his brothers is rooted in two key truths. The first truth is that Joseph’s brothers definitely wronged him. They hated him and initially plotted to kill him, but ultimately sold him as a slave to Egypt. They clearly sinned against both God and Joseph. This is an undeniable fact. Joseph, too, must have known this and could not deny it. However, the remarkable thing is that Joseph believed in a second truth more than the first. It was because of this second truth that Joseph was able to truly forgive his brothers. The second truth is that "you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good" (c. 20). While Joseph's brothers had indeed intended to harm him, Joseph did not focus on that fact or allow it to define his life. Instead, he chose to focus on what God had done. Although his brothers' actions were meant to hurt him, Joseph believed in God's plan, which transformed those actions for good. Joseph accepted by faith that God sent him ahead to Egypt, where he was made a ruler to save many lives. Furthermore, because Joseph understood the purpose of God's work in his life, he was able to genuinely forgive his brothers. The purpose, God's will, was to "save many lives, as it is being done today" (c. 20). Once Joseph realized this divine purpose, he could wholeheartedly forgive the brothers who had once tried to harm him.
b. This is the key to forgiveness. Instead of focusing on the evil things others have done to us, we must accept by faith that even in those situations, God has worked all things together for good. When we embrace this truth, we are able to forgive those who have sinned against us. If we only dwell on the wrongs and sins others have committed against us, we will never be able to forgive them. However, when we recognize God's providence, realizing how He has worked all things together for good even in the midst of others' wrongdoings, we are empowered to forgive. If we have this ability to forgive within us, it does not stop at merely forgiving the other person’s faults and sins. It cannot stop there. In other words, Joseph did not simply forgive his brothers; he also cared for them and their children. He comforted them with a devoted heart, not just offering forgiveness but also taking active steps to care for them. Instead of focusing on the hurt, Joseph spoke to them with words of compassion, from a heart filled with God’s goodness. Joseph did not forgive his brothers passively. His forgiveness did not end with forgiving their wrongs and sins. His forgiveness was active. He loved them even more from their perspective. He comforted the brothers who were fearful and promised to provide for their needs. He promised to take care of them all. To live this life of forgiveness, we must focus on the second truth—the work of God. We need to realize the providence of God, how He works all things together for good. Even if we suffer because of others, in those moments of suffering, we must look to God in faith, trusting that He is working for good. Through patience, we should experience and recognize God's goodness (Psalms 34:8). When we taste that goodness, we will truly be able to forgive others from our hearts.
When our hearts are troubled and weary, when we are discouraged and depressed, and when we are struggling in worry and anxiety, we must look to the Lord of hope with faith. Surely, the Lord will help us. He will heal us. In His time, with His method, the Lord will comfort our broken hearts and heal our wounded spirits. The Lord will set our hearts free. (James Kim, "For the Brokenhearted")