The Lord-centered Family
[Matthew 22:34-40]
Here is an article titled "10 Things That Must Be in a Happy Home," and I would like to share it with you (Internet). Please think about whether these 10 things are present in your home:
- Forgiveness is necessary. If forgiveness isn't given in the home, there is no place for forgiveness in the world.
- Understanding is necessary. If understanding isn't given in the home, that person will end up living like an animal.
- There must be someone to talk to. If you can't find someone to talk to at home, you'll end up looking for conversation elsewhere.
- There must be a private space. The more personal space (like a closet, study room, bathroom) there is, the more peaceful the person will become.
- Rest is necessary. If there is no environment at home to rest and recharge when you're exhausted, you'll seek rest outside.
- Acknowledgment is necessary. If a person isn't acknowledged at home, they won't be acknowledged outside either.
- Humor is necessary. Humor acts as a lubricant to increase affection within the family.
- There must be adults. Not just older people, but adults who set an example with their words and actions must be present.
- Love is necessary. Love must have the dual nature of both correcting mistakes and praising good deeds.
- Hope is necessary. If there is hope for a better future, the value of the home increases.
How about it? Do these 10 things exist in your home? Are you happy with your family life right now?
We often say that there is no family without problems. In other words, we believe that every family has its own concerns, struggles, and painful situations. In other words, each of our families has (earnest) prayer requests to bring before God. If there aren't any right now, there will be in the future. I would like to share my thoughts on family issues and crises:
1. Family problems are very personal, and because of this, they can deeply wound us and cause extreme stress.
2. Family problems make us keenly aware of our human limitations.
3. Family problems can be utterly hopeless without God's help.
4. I believe that family crises should be seen as opportunities that God gives us.
5. We must endure with faith, rely only on God, and ask God for help. The opportunity is that God uses family crises to transform husbands and wives, parents, and children.
6. One of the key aspects of this transformation is that as our ego is broken and shattered, we are led to completely trust and rely on God, ultimately experiencing His goodness, which works all things together for good (Romans 8:28), through it all (Psalms 34:8).
7. By trusting God even more, we receive the great grace and blessing of knowing "Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalms 46:10).
Another thing I would like to share is my personal thoughts on what we should do and how we should approach our family issues:
1. We must believe that God loves our family. We need to be assured that our family is within God’s sovereign will. And we must believe that His sovereign will is good, pleasing, and perfect (Romans 12:2).
2. Even in the face of difficulties, struggles, painful situations, or crises in our family, we should believe that God will work all things together for good (Romans 8:28). With faith, we must pray, expect, and wait, trusting that this crisis is a good opportunity to experience God's saving love and His presence (Psalms 63:3).
3. By remembering the grace and love that God has shown our family from the past until now, and by experiencing His grace and love, we should commit to obeying God's commandments and commands (His Word) in gratitude (Deuteronomy 11:1-7).
4. Our family should engage in spiritual warfare through the Word and prayer, with the belief that our Lord Jesus Christ has already won the victory. We should pursue victorious faith together with the confidence of that victory (1 Corinthians 10:13).
As I prepared for today’s message, I reflected on the teachings I have meditated on regarding "family" up until now. Some of the reflections I would like to share are: (1) I meditated on “a peaceful family” based on Proverbs 17:1, (2) I reflected on “a godly family” based on Acts 10:2, (3) I meditated on “a successful family in the eyes of God” based on 2 Kings 18:3, 7, and (4) I also reflected on “a family engaged in spiritual warfare” based on 1 Chronicles 14:10. Today, I would like to meditate on “The Lord-centered family” based on Matthew 22:34-40, reflecting on what the Lord-centered family truly is, and I would like to receive lessons by meditating on three aspects. I pray that we all humbly receive God’s Word, obey it wisely, and dedicate ourselves to building our families as the Lord-centered families.
First, the Lord-centered family acknowledges the sovereignty of God the Father and believes that God controls and governs our family.
In an article titled "The Family Built According to God’s Rule" written by Pastor Paul Tripp, he said the following: ‘I am increasingly convinced that there are only two ways of living. One is to trust in God and live in obedience to His will and rule, and the other is to live as though we are trying to be God. I believe there is no other way of living besides these two. There are many times when I wonder if we are more familiar with trying to be God rather than living a life of obedience to God’s rule. And I think we need to carefully examine how this spiritual dynamic profoundly impacts parenting and marital life’ (Tripp). What do you think of these words? I recognize these two ways of life, and I believe that each of us is choosing to live according to one of these paths. Especially when I think of our families, I believe it is extremely important for the heads of our households, our husbands/fathers, to trust in God and live in obedience to His will and rule. If, however, we choose the opposite path and live as if we are trying to be God, then that family cannot be the Lord-centered family but will inevitably become a self-centered family. In particular, Pastor Tripp says, ‘Successful parenting is about doing things God's way, correctly, and relinquishing control,’ and he explains that the goal of parenting is to raise children who once completely depended on us to become independent, mature adults who rely on God, are properly connected to the Christian community, and can stand on their own. I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. Just last week, while sitting at the table with my beloved wife and son Dillon, having an honest conversation, I encouraged Dillon by saying, ‘After talking with you one-on-one this morning, I believe you’ve grown enough to pray to God, make your own decisions, and lead your girlfriend down the right path.’ Additionally, Pastor Tripp emphasizes three important truths to remember when it comes to parenting: (1) Christ rules over all things for the sake of the church, so there are no situations outside of His control (Ephesians 1:22). (2) God not only governs every situation but is also accomplishing the good work He has promised (Romans 8:28). Therefore, we do not need to control every desire, thought, or action of our growing children. Even in situations where it seems like we have nothing we can do, our children are still under the sovereign rule of Christ. (3) The goal of parenting is not to make our children follow our image, but to help them become people who obey the image of Christ. It is not about replicating our preferences, perspectives, or habits in our children, or seeking our image within them. What we truly desire is for the image of Christ to manifest in them. As I reflect on these three truths, I especially believe that even in situations where it seems like there is nothing we can do as parents, our children are still under the sovereign rule of the Lord. If we are living the Lord-centered life, we must acknowledge the sovereignty of God the Father and believe that He is in control of our family. Specifically, as fathers and husbands, we must firmly believe that God the Father is controlling and ruling over our family. Those of us who believe this will place the control and authority fully in God's hands and, by faith, carry out the ministry of the family quietly and faithfully. If, however, we still believe that we have control and authority and try to control or manipulate our wives and children, then our family ministry will inevitably face many conflicts, struggles, fights, wounds, pain, and suffering. Only when we encounter situations where it seems like there is nothing we can do in our marriage or in raising and guiding our children's marriage, will we finally surrender control to God and ask Him to rule over our family.
God the Father must control and govern our families for them to be firmly established. In 2 Chronicles 17:5, the Bible says, "The Lord established the kingdom under his control ...." When we apply this verse to our families, it means that only God the Father can firmly establish our families through His hands. Additionally, in Luke 1:33, the Bible says, "He will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end." When we apply this to our families, it means that God the Father reigns over our homes as King, and our families will continue forever (Luke 1:33). There is a gospel song titled "The Lord Reigns in My Life," and the lyrics to the first verse and the chorus are as follows: "The Lord reigns in my life, / The Lord reigns in my life, / The Lord is working, even in this moment / The Lord is working in my life. / In You alone I trust, In You alone I trust, / In You alone I trust, Yes, my Lord. / You alone, I worship. You alone I love." The Lord reigns over all of our lives. The Lord reigns over all of our families. We believe that the Lord controls and governs both our lives and our families. Let us all give control to the Lord, trust and rely solely on Him, worship Him alone, and love Him, as we continue to live with faith in His sovereign reign.
Second, the Lord-centered family is under the authority of the Son, Jesus Christ, and, in obedience to His two commandments, we love God and love our neighbors.
On January 25, 2021, I shared a message titled “A Family Bearing the Fruit of Love,” where I wrote: “By planting the seed of love, the roots of love grow deeply and widely beneath the ground, and as the sprouts of love gradually emerge, the tree of love grows strong and healthy, bearing the fruit of love. I pray that our Lord-centered families will become such families that bear the fruit of love.” Like farmers, we are those who plant the seeds of love in our families. This seed of love, when planted under the soil, will take time to grow deep and wide. Therefore, we must learn the patience of a farmer. The Bible in James 5:7 (Korean Modern Bible) says, “Brothers and sisters, be patient and wait for the Lord’s return. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient for it, until it receives the early and latter rains.” In our families, we need to treat our loved ones with the patience of a farmer. Just as a farmer plants the seeds and patiently waits for the fruit to grow, we must also wait patiently for the fruit of love to grow. However, during the process of bearing the fruit of love, there may be conflicts due to our differences. In those moments of conflict, we must not be angry with our family members, who are made in the image of God. We must endure and restrain our anger. Let’s look at Proverbs 19:11: “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” Particularly, we need to learn from God’s patience towards us. What does Paul say about God’s patience toward him in 1 Timothy 1:16? “But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” Just as God displayed immense patience toward the Apostle Paul, He is now showing infinite patience toward you and me. By imitating God’s unending patience, we too must be patient with our family members. By doing so, our Lord-centered families will be built up in harmony and strength.
The Lord-centered family is under the authority of Jesus Christ. This means that the Lord-centered family must obey the authoritative words of the Lord Jesus Christ. These authoritative words of the Lord Jesus Christ are found in the twofold commandment Jesus spoke in Matthew 22:37, 39: “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. … The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.’” Obeying Jesus’ twofold commandment means that every member of the family must love God with all their heart, soul, and mind, and love their neighbor as themselves. This is our responsibility to establish the Lord-centered family under the authority of Jesus. The Lord desires to establish our family as a heaven on earth. Therefore, He has given us the commandment of heaven, which is Jesus' twofold commandment (Matt. 22:37, 39). The Lord, along with the Holy Spirit, pours God’s love into us (Romans 5:5) so that we can obey the twofold commandment, and He fills us progressively with the fruit of the Spirit—love (Galatians 5:22). Our responsibility is to obey this commandment, and under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, all members of the family must love God with all their heart, soul, and mind, and love one another as themselves, being of one mind and purpose (Philippians 1:27; 2:2). When we do this, our family will be transformed into a heavenly one, filled with the joy (John 15:11; 1 John 1:4), love (Psalms 33:5), and peace (Romans 15:13) of heaven.
I have reinterpreted Jesus' twofold commandment from the perspective of the Apostle John's First Epistle. Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). When viewed through the lens of 1 John, this commandment aligns with the teaching in 1 John 2:15-17: “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.” Here, doing the will of God means not living according to the passing things of this world—“the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.” Additionally, when Jesus says, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39), interpreting this through the lens of 1 John would mean obeying the teachings found in 1 John 2:3-11. In summary, the message of 1 John 2:3-11 is to love your brothers and sisters and not hate them. But Satan wants to turn our homes into hell. Therefore, Satan leads us to disobey the twfold commandment of Jesus, which is the commandment of heaven (Eph. 2:2; 5:6), and instead, he makes us hate one another, which is the commandment of hell (Genesis 37:5; Deuteronomy 22:13; Matthew 24:10; 1 John 2:9). Together with the spirit of falsehood, Satan plants hatred in us (Deuteronomy 21:17; 2 Samuel 13:15; Proverbs 10:12), causing us to engage in works of darkness (Isaiah 29:15; Ezekiel 8:12; Ephesians 5:11), and bringing forth bitter fruits in our homes (Romans 7:5). As a result, Satan tries to make us not want to go to a home that is like hell; instead, he makes us wander outside the home or, even worse, makes us want to leave the home completely. Satan also tries to make us not want to see our family members. Furthermore, Satan makes us hate our spouses even more. Within the growing hatred toward our spouse, Satan seeks to create breach in the relationship (see Nehemiah 4:3); and through the lust of the eyes and the lust of the flesh (1 John 2:16), Satan leads us to be attracted to another man or woman, eventually causing us to commit adultery. The purpose is that Satan wants to destroy and tear down our homes, preventing us from creating a home of heaven, and instead making our homes like hell. This is spiritual warfare! The home is a spiritual battlefield! What should we do? We must engage in spiritual warfare.
We belong to God. We, as children of God who have been born again (regenerated) through faith in His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, belong to God. We must be certain of the fact that we belong to God. Even though we live in this world ruled by Satan (the devil), as those who belong to God, we must live in obedience to Jesus' twofold commandment, as citizens of the heavenly world that is to come. Even though Satan may try to deceive us and lead us to hate our brothers and sisters, we, as those who have already received eternal life, must live lives loving God and loving one another. This spiritual battle should be fought as we grow in the knowledge of the Lord who dwells within us and stand firm in the powerful Word of God that dwells within us, living by faith and resisting the temptations of Satan. Therefore, while living in this evil world ruled by the devil, we must live as those who belong to God, loving our neighbors, brothers, and sisters with God's love, and preparing ourselves for the second coming of Jesus and the life in the Kingdom of Heaven.
We must be devoted to establishing the Lord-centered family. To do this, secondly, we must submit to the authority of the Son, Jesus Christ. We must obey Jesus' twofold commandment. The eschatological Holy Spirit dwells within us, producing the fruit of the Spirit, "love" (Galatians 5:22), and enabling us to obey Jesus' twofold commandment. Therefore, we must walk according to the Holy Spirit (v. 16). In other words, we must be led by the Holy Spirit (v. 18), live by the Holy Spirit, and act by the Holy Spirit (v. 25). When we do this, our hearts will become heavenly, our families will become heavenly, and our church will become a community that is heavenly.
Third and last, the Lord-centered family experiences the presence of the Holy Spirit.
I would like to ask you two questions:
(1) Do you believe that God is with you?
For example, in Isaiah 41:10, which my mother loves, the Bible says, "Do not fear, for I am with you ..." Do you still believe in this word of God? To believe in this word means that you trust when God says, "I am with you," and you are not afraid because God is with you. Another example is in Matthew 28:20, where Jesus says, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Do you believe these words of Jesus? Those who believe understand that the Lord, who loves us and loves us to the end (John 13:1), is with us always, even until the end of the world (Matthew 28:20).
(2) Have you experienced God's presence with you?
For example, a few weeks ago, when I heard the news about sister in Christ Jong-mi Lee, who has been praying with us, undergoing her fifth heart surgery and recovering, I truly experienced that God is alive and that He is with us. When I shared this experience of God’s presence with you, perhaps some of you may ask, "If sister Jong-mi Lee experienced God's presence in her recovery after surgery, can we still experience God's presence if she had died during the surgery?" I would confidently answer "Yes," because when my first child, Joo-young (Charis), passed away, I experienced the presence of the living God. This experience happened when my wife and I were on a boat, scattering our baby's ashes into the water, and on our way back to land, I found myself praising God for His amazing and wonderful love of salvation, filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. This is irrefutable evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit. How could I, as a father, praise God for His salvation love after the death of my beloved child? It was the Holy Spirit who did it. This is experiencing the presence of God. It is being aware of and experiencing that God is with me.
We have already learned two of the three aspects of the Lord-centered family: (1) The Lord-centered family acknowledges the sovereignty of God the Father and believes that God controls and governs our family. (2) The Lord-centered family is under the authority of the Son, Jesus Christ, and obeys His twofold commandment to love God and love our neighbors. (3) The Lord-centered family experiences the presence of the Holy Spirit.
Do you experience the presence of the Holy Spirit in your family? Are you aware of and experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit in your marriage or in your relationships with your children? What does it mean to "experience and be aware of the Holy Spirit's presence with us"? Let me explain it in two ways:
(1) The Holy Spirit helps us to acknowledge the sovereignty of God the Father and believe that God controls and governs our family.
Not only does the Holy Spirit help us believe this, but He also enables us to recognize and experience God's sovereign work in our daily lives, where God is actively controlling and governing our family members. In my case, when my wife and I met about 26 years ago and had our wedding ceremony about 25 years ago, I firmly believed, was assured, and confessed that our meeting and marriage were part of God's sovereign plan. The Holy Spirit gave me such faith and conviction that I could not doubt it. The reason I am so convinced is that, from a human perspective, my wife and I could never have met, but by God's grace, we came together as one in the Lord. Furthermore, as we raise our three children, we see that God the Father loves them even more than we love them and is sovereignly working in each of their lives. Truly, God is controlling and governing our children. Therefore, my wife and I continue to pray in faith, asking God the Father to continue to control and govern their lives.
(2) To "be aware of and experience the presence of the Holy Spirit with us" means that the Holy Spirit enables us to obey the authoritative words of Jesus' twofold command, leading us to create a heavenly family.
This awareness and experience occur as the Holy Spirit, who dwells within us, fills our hearts with the fruit of the Spirit, which is love. As we follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and we love our family members as ourselves. This process transforms our family into a heavenly one. The transformation of the family into heaven is the work of the Holy Spirit, and only the Holy Spirit can bring this about. Therefore, whether husband, wife, or children, the entire family must be filled with the Holy Spirit and love. Together, with one heart and mind, we should love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and love each other with God's love as we love ourselves. When we do this, we will become aware of and experience the presence of the Holy Spirit with us.
I would like to conclude with a reflection on the Word. Each of our families is very important in God's sight. Therefore, the Lord desires to establish each of our families. Thus, we must humbly participate in the work of the Lord in establishing our families. However, before we participate, we must first live a life centered on the Lord. To live a life centered on the Lord means to live under the sovereign rule, control, and governance of God the Father, who is a God of love (1 John 4:8, 16), and to obey the authoritative words of Jesus Christ, the Son of God and Truth (John 14:6), specifically the twofold commandment of loving God and loving our neighbors (Matthew 22:37, 39). It means experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, our families must also be established as Lord-centered families. We must recognize the sovereignty of God the Father, believe that He controls and governs our families, and live under the authority of Jesus Christ, the Son, obeying His twofold commandment to love God and love our neighbors. Through this, we must consciously experience the presence of the Holy Spirit in our families. Such Lord-centered families bring about the transformation of our homes into heavenly ones. May this blessing be upon the families of all of us.
Humbly desiring to participate in the Lord's work of establishing Lord-centered families,
James Kim
[June 5, 2022, Praying that our families may be those that are controlled by God the Father, that submit to the authority of Jesus Christ, the Son, and experience the presence of the Holy Spirit.]