Principles/Methods (?) for Overcoming Crises

in Marital Relationships

Since my wife enjoys talking while running, I shared with her some things I’ve learned through my running as we talked.  What I learned is that I typically run around the neighborhood, counting numbers in my head, about three times a week (around 3 miles, or 2600 steps).  My wife says she can't run like I do, counting numbers in her head (Haha, our running styles are very different!).  When I leave the house for a run, there’s a hilly path.  Just earlier, I ran that hill, which is about 300 steps long.  The first 150 steps are okay, but from about 150 to 300 steps, it gets tough.  I shared this with my wife and told her that once you get past that “tough part,” completing the whole loop around the neighborhood becomes much easier.  I then applied this lesson to our marriage. I said that in marriage, there are always "tough spots" too, but if we endure, persevere, and overcome them, we will make it through.  Of course, when I said this to my wife, I was especially thinking about newlyweds.  I believe that in the first few years of marriage, there will be times when you feel like you want to get divorced, but if you hold on, rely on the Lord, and persevere, you can overcome those tough times.  But I don’t think this principle applies only to newlyweds.  In a society with things like gray divorce, I don’t think tough times in marriage are limited to just new couples.  I’m learning how to endure, persevere, and overcome those tough times through running, and I shared that with my wife.

(1)    Returning to the foundation that the Lord has sovereignly matched us together as a couple.

In our case, the Lord gave us this assurance.  However, when looking back on our marriage, there have been difficult moments in my own thinking.  One of the gracious blessings the Lord gave me during those times was to reflect on how, despite everything, the Lord had matched my wife and me together and made us one body, something that could not have happened naturally.

(2)    Holding onto the promise that the Lord will build His family.

I apply Matthew 16:18 to our family in this way.  In order to hold onto this and pray, my wife and I need to fully realize through the challenges in our marriage that we are powerless and incapable of building our relationship and family on our own.  Our self-centeredness must be broken down.  It is only then that we kneel and cry out to the Lord. When we cry out, we hold onto Matthew 16:18, saying, "Lord, I cannot build our marriage or our family, but You have promised to build it.  Please build it in Your time and in Your way."

(3)    Humbly acknowledging and confessing one's wrongs or shortcomings before the Lord and spouse, and recommitting to love and respect them with the Lord's love, as revealed with a gentle heart.

I believe this third principle/method is impossible without the second one.