A mother’s “attachment”(애착) to her daughter,
A daughter’s “love-hate(애증) relationship”

with her mother.

A mother’s "attachment" to her daughter can cause the daughter to develop a "love-hate relationship" with her mother.

It is Sunday morning here.  This past Friday and Saturday, I traveled to Ensenada, Mexico, with several fellow believers.  The round trip likely took about 14 hours.  Though my body feels tired, the Lord blessed me with restful sleep, allowing me to wake up early this morning and arrive at the church’s pastor’s office ahead of time.  After completing most of the preparations for today’s Sunday service, I now have a moment to reflect on the lessons the Lord has taught me about family through the encounters He provided during this trip.

1.      Through an entirely unexpected encounter, I found myself wondering,  What immense pain, suffering, and difficulty within her family could have led a woman to shave her head completely?  It seems that her deep pain stems from her relationship with her mother.

2.      How can the relationship between a daughter and her mother become healthy?  This is a profoundly important question for me as well, one that brings me to the verge of tears.  Of course, from a daughter’s perspective, she would naturally love her mother.  But why is it that a daughter’s heart, when thinking about her mother, holds not only love but also hatred?  Is that why the relationship between a daughter and her mother is often described as one of "love and hatred"?

3.      Why would a mother, who loves her daughter so much, cause her daughter such deep pain, suffering, wounds, and tears that the daughter ends up hating her mother?  Why is it that a mother, due to her "attachment" [(definition: "to love or be drawn to something so much that one cannot part from it, or the feeling itself" (Naver Dictionary)], is unaware of the immense suffering her daughter is experiencing? 😢  If a mother’s love for her daughter is an "attachment," I believe that attachment can cause the daughter to have a "love-hate" relationship with her mother.

4.      If a mother says she loves her daughter so much, says she can't live without her daughter, and loves her daughter to the extent that their lives are intertwined as one, and if this mother, through her faith in God, refuses to let go of her daughter, then I believe that daughter could live her entire life (even after the mother's death) as an emotional and psychological cripple, burdened by her mother’s love.

5.      However, this unhealthy mother-daughter relationship is not limited to just one generation.  If that daughter gets married and has a daughter of her own, I believe that the mother-daughter relationship could become distorted again.  Even though this daughter, now a mother herself, may not consciously form an attachment to her own daughter in the same way her mother did, she may inadvertently make her daughter feel the weight of her own mother’s attachment.

6.      How can we break the intense pain experienced in the mother-daughter relationship in such families?  Through the worship and praise at the Ensenada, Mexico, Youth Alliance conference, what I am reflecting on now is the precious lesson that "Jesus Christ is enough!"  I believe that if a mother finds sufficiency in Jesus Christ, she will no longer cause her daughter unwanted wounds, pain, or suffering.  Similarly, if a daughter finds sufficiency in Jesus Christ, she will no longer experience great suffering due to her mother, but will instead be able to love her mother with the love of Christ.