Forgiving your spouse (2)

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

The wounds and bitterness in our hearts prevent us from seeing the good we are doing for each other and cause us to focus only on the wrongs we are committing toward each other.  The more we focus on these wrongs, the more we judge each other, and even criticize and condemn one another.  There is something we fail to realize here: when we judge, criticize, and condemn each other, we are presenting our "self-righteousness" to one another.  For example, when a spouse who has been wronged and hurt by their partner refuses to forgive them, but instead treats them with the bitterness and wounds in their heart, they end up judging, criticizing, and even condemning them (even in their heart) whenever their spouse makes a mistake, essentially saying, "You are wrong, and I am right."  At the same time, they seek validation before God, hoping to be seen as right.  As a result, they become arrogant and fail to realize the sin they are committing before God, so they do not feel the need to ask for His forgiveness.  So, what sin is this person committing before God?  It is the sin of not forgiving their spouse.  Yet, they continue to judge, point out, criticize, and even condemn their spouse (even in their hearts), so how does this look before God?  And how does the spouse receiving this judgment, criticism, and condemnation feel?  They will feel unloved and hurt by their partner.  And because of that hurt, they will not only refuse to forgive but may feel unable to forgive.  What happens when couples do not forgive each other?  Their hearts will continue to fill with wounds and bitterness, and eventually, they will explode toward one another, leading to the destruction of their marriage.