Forgiving your spouse (1)

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

“Forgiveness is hard.  I know in my mind that I should forgive my spouse for the wrongs they’ve done to me, but in my heart, I cannot forgive.  And honestly, there are times when I don’t even want to forgive her.  Especially when I think about how she has treated me, I get so angry, and at times, I even feel like I want to do the same to her.  Yet, I endure. The Bible says, 'Love is patient' (1 Corinthians 13:4), so I endure, again and again.  But that person continues to hurt my heart.  And yet, they don’t ask for forgiveness.  No, it seems like they don’t even feel the need to ask for forgiveness.  Perhaps she doesn’t even realize that she has hurt my heart.  That might be why she speaks and acts as if nothing ever happened.  I find her behavior so repulsive and unbearable.  And so, I don’t want to forgive."

When a couple lives together, they make countless mistakes toward each other.  No, couples cannot help but make countless mistakes toward each other.  The reason is that their personalities are different, their backgrounds are different, and the influences they received from their parents are different, which can lead to impulses and conflicts, causing them to wrong each other.  However, the fundamental reason is that two sinners have come together, married, and formed a family.  Think about it: How can two sinners who come together and form a family not wrong each other?  We not only wrong each other, but there are countless times when we sin against one another.  The problem is that even after committing countless wrongs and sins against each other, we do not forgive each other well.  Even when we forgive, we do not do so as much as we should, considering how much we have wronged and sinned against one another.  We are slow to forgive and even refuse to forgive.  Because we are not living a life of forgiveness toward each other, there are wounds and bitterness in our hearts.  These wounds and bitterness prevent us from loving our spouses fully.