When I thought about Christie after she passed away, Philippian 1:23-24 came to my mind: “I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body” [(현대인의 성경) “나는 이 둘 사이에 끼여 있습니다. 내가 이 세상을 떠나 그리스도와 함께 있는 것을 원하고 또 그것이 훨씬 더 좋지만 여러분을 위해 내가 이 세상을 계속 머물러 있는 것이 더욱 필요합니다“].

 

I still remember when I went to her house, sat down on the table, and asked her ‘Why are you asking God for second chance to live?’ And she said, ‘It’s because I want to raise my children (with my own hands).’ Indeed, it was NECESSARY for you 5 children that she REALLY wanted to live (v. 24) so that she could continue with all of you for “your progress and joy in the faith”(다섯 자녀들의 믿음의 진보와 기쁨을 위하여)(v.25). That was why for 5 years she fought cancer and endured all the suffering and pain. I think she endured 3 different kinds of suffering and pains and my thought is based on her testimonies that she wrote Dec. 2020:

 

(1) Physical suffering/pain: “as the cancer kept growing, and as I became more sick with treatments.”

(2) Mental/emotional suffering/pain: “Initially, I was so hopeful, but as the cancers kept growing, and as I became more sick with treatments, I felt that God was silent. That He was being unfair. That He wasn’t helping me when I kept asking for help. I felt abandoned.” [(a) feeling that God was silent, (b) feeling that God was unfair, (c) feeling that God was not helping her, and (d) feeling abandoned].

(3) Spiritual suffering/pain: “I was so disappointed in God, and I told Him that too.” She expressed this disappointment towards God in her testimony: “Sitting in God’s waiting room is so hard, and I still complain.”

 

Now Christie is FREE from all these sufferings/pains because she is with the Lord in Heaven, “which is better by far” (v.25). As 2 Tim.4:7-8 says, Christie has fought the good fight, she has finished the race and she has kept the faith. Now there is in store for her the crown of righteousness, which the Lord will award to Christie.

 

Regarding her faith, this is what she said Dec. 2020:

(1) “Every step, God guided me. He opened and closed doors throughout my journey.”

(2) “Still, I know that my relationship with God really started when I was diagnosed with cancer. And I’m learning more about Him and His goodness, His love and His forgiveness.”

(3) “… as I started studying and reading the Bible, His words came alive. I started to understand what it truly meant that Jesus suffered on the cross to give us eternal life. I learned what it means to have joy”

(4) “but I also keep praying. I keep fixing my eyes on Jesus. I put my trust and hope in Him.”

(5) “I learned that God’s timing isn’t my timing. His ways and His thinking are higher than ours. His ways, which I may never understand, are perfect for me.”

 

Now Christie is in perfect peace her God. Now she is enjoying perfect loving relationship with her Lord. She is enjoying perfect eternal joy now (No more sufferings/pains/tears!)

 

I hope and pray that Albert and all 5 children can fix your eyes on Jesus as Christie did. May you put your trust and hope in Him as Christie did. Then God will guide you every step of your life. He will open and close doors throughout your journey as well. Although there may be hardships and difficulties in your future life, remember that it’s good opportunity to learning about God and His goodness, His love and His forgiveness. As you study and read the Bible, may His words come alive. As you keep on praying to God like Christie, never give up praying because God will answer your prayers according to His will, in His time, in His own way. Let us walk by faith and not by sight! Let us keep fighting the good fight and let us finish the race! The Lord will award to us the crown of righteousness to us as well!