Death

                A week ago, during a Bible study on Easter Sunday afternoon, I had a discussion about “death” with the church members. When I asked them, ‘How do you want to die?’  Most of the adults over 60 answered that they wanted to die without pain, not wanting to cause trouble to their children out of love.  So I replied, ‘Well then, it's a heart attack.’  In contrast to these people, the believers in their 40s and 50s don’t seem to have thought deeply about death.  So I challenged them with a special emphasis on death.  I wanted them to think deeply and pray about how they want to face death.  And in order to die well (to face a beautiful death), I challenged them to live well every day.

I spoke with a sister in Christ who was grieving after hearing the news of Brother Mark Dubrin's imminent death.  When I made a phone call while I was on a messenger, I heard the sound of sobbing in grief.  And once again I wrote down the things I was thinking about “death” this morning.

                I think death is a moment where sadness and joy intersect, at least from the perspective of a third person who sees the brother in Christ in front of death.  When I think of Brother Mark Dubrin, who leaves the words “See you in heaven,” on the one hand, we have sadness and a heavy heart that we don’t know.  On the other hand, I feel my heavy heart is lightened and my sadness is turned into joy when I think of Brother Mark Dubrin who is convinced that he will go to eternal heaven because he has received Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior while he was in Korean and was attending Seohyun Church English Ministry.

                I remember sharing the beautiful death with the church members during the Easter Sunday Bible study. The beautiful death I want to face is at the funeral attended by many brothers and sisters in Christ who have experienced the image and love of Christ through me.  On the one hand, they are saddened by my death because I no longer exist with them in this world.  On the other hand, they gather to praise and worship God because I went to heaven to meet the Lord whom I loved and longed to see so much.  I am dreaming and praying for such a funeral like this for me.  However, in order to face such a beautiful death, one cannot help but feel the heavy responsibility of living a beautiful life day by day, here and now.

                Brother Mark Dubrin is a brother in Christ who took on such a heavy responsibility with joy in the community of Seohyun English Ministry (SEM).  He went to church more than me (I remember it every day; I even got a question from the senior pastor, 'James, did you quit the church?') and met a lot of people in Sasa (meaning: ‘Those whom we love) coffee shop, just like the name of the church cafe.  He was the channel of the love of Christ who loved them with the love of Christ.  I think that the sister in Christ who wept over the phone today was also one of the sisters who received that love from Brother Mark. Although she said that she had done nothing to Brother Mark, I think she did well by humbly received Mark's compelling love with joy.  Yes. Brother Mark wanted to give love, and I think that the best gift for Brother Mark is that we who receive that love simply accept it with joy and humility like a child.  Because I couldn't do it, I confessed to him that I was wrong and asked for forgiveness more than once.  My compliant against him was that he knew how to give love but didn’t know how to receive it.  So there were times when we had some arguments.  That's why I'm confessing that I was a person who didn't love Mark properly more than the sister I spoke to today.

                If we knew the end of life, that is, when we would leave this world and meet the Lord, we would think about how we would live today.  Will we try to live a little differently than we do now?  I will still do 'Cyworld ministry'.  The reason is because I believe that this ministry will be the foundation for my beautiful death.

                The end of the beloved Brother Mark is probably not far from now.  However, towards that end point, it seems that he is making the last call of love to those whom he loves day by day during this precious time left in this world.  While receiving that love with joy and humility, I earnestly hope and pray that we will not only treasure the traces of Christ's love that Brother Mark left in our hearts, but also become a messenger who conveys that love to others.

Received the love of the Lord through Brother Mark

James Kim

(April 22, 2004, With a heart with those who were loved by Brother Mark)