How should we prepare for parting
from our beloved family?
“When he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. And they began to weep aloud and embraced Paul, and repeatedly kissed him, grieving especially over the word which he had spoken, that they would not see his face again And they were accompanying him to the ship.” (Acts 20:36-38)
I remember what sister-in-Christ Ja-ok Kim said before she passed away: ‘Cancer is not a difficult thing, but it is a disease that gives us time to prepare for parting.’ Perhaps it is because we all know that we may not have time to prepare for a farewell with someone we love. So I thought about this: ‘I should be ready for parting from my beloved wife and children.' The reason I came to think this is because there is no order of death and to leave this world, and I don’t know when God will call me Home. Especially when I think about my loved ones more than myself, I always think that it is good to make some preparations for parting. Then how should we prepare for parting from our loved ones?
In Acts 20:36-38, Apostle Paul gave a farewell preaching (vv. 18-35) to the elders of Ephesus in Miletus (v. 17). And then he knelt down and prayed with them all (v. 36). “And they began to weep aloud and embraced Paul, and repeatedly kissed him: (v. 37). And they accompanied Paul to the ship (v. 38). Based on these words and Paul’s farewell sermon, I thought how we should prepare for parting from our loved ones in seven ways:
First, I always want to show faithfulness to my beloved family.
Look at Acts 20:18 – “And when they had come to him, he said to them, "You yourselves know, from the first day that I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time.” Apostle Paul reminded the elders of the Church of Ephesus how he was with them the whole time from the first day that he set foot in Asia (v. 18) until he stayed there three years (v. 31). How did Paul live with the saints of Ephesus for three years? At least I think Paul lived faithfully among them. In other words, I think Paul showed faithfulness to the church saints during the three years in Ephesus. The reason I think this way is because Paul said to the elders of the Church of Ephesus, “You yourselves know, from the first day that I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time” (v. 18). When I think of the word "the whole time" in this phrase, I think Paul had been with them for three years consistently, unwavering and faithfully so that the elders of the church of Ephesus knew that well.
I don’t know when God will call me to heaven. So I don’t know when I have to say goodbye to my beloved family. But I want to be faithful like that of the Apostle Paul until that moment. I want to live faithfully with the power of God’s grace, just as the faithful Lord does so to such sinner like me. Thus, after I die, when my family thinks about me, I hope and pray that they can say ‘My husband/my father lived in a coherent state faithfully without leaning to the right or to the left.’ Isn’t that God’s grace? Of course, my beloved family will see most of my unfaithfulness. But in the midst of such unfaithfulness, if they can see even little faithfulness in me for the Lord and His church, isn’t that God’s amazing grace and faithfulness? So I want to show consistent faithfulness to my loved ones today, tomorrow, and until the day of my death. I hope and pray that my loved ones may remember the faithfulness of the Lord which appeared little bit in me to their hearts even after I leave this world and to be with the Lord forever.
Second, I want to show serving the Lord to my beloved family.
Look at Acts 20:19 – “serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews.” It was serving the Lord that Apostle Paul did faithfully when he was with the saints of the church of Ephesus for three years. Paul served the Lord faithfully. The Ephesian church elders knew this too (v. 18). So Paul reminded them how he faithfully served the Lord when he was with them and the rest of the Ephesian church saints for three years while he was preaching the farewell sermon. He told the elders of the church in Ephesus that he served the Lord with "all humility and with tears and with trials" (v. 19). Although he had many hardships due to the plots of the Jews, Paul served the Lord faithfully and humbly by not ceasing to admonish each one of the Ephesian church saints with tears night and day for a period of three years (v. 31). Wouldn’t the Ephesian church saints have seen his tears? Wouldn’t at least the elders of Ephesian church remember the tears that Paul shed for three years? How could they forget the precious tears of Apostle Paul who loved them, served them, admonished them and shed tears for three years? Although they might not remember his teachings and admonitions, the Ephesian church saints would have remembered Paul's tears in their hearts forever. I thought about the Ephesian church elders’ heart who were saying goodbye to Paul, who served the Lord and the Ephesian church saints with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon him through the plots of the Jews (v. 19). In Acts 20:37, the Bible says that “they began to weep aloud and embraced Paul, and repeatedly kissed him.” When they thought about Paul who loved them, served them, admonished them and shed tears night and day for three years and when they thought about not being able to see his face again (v. 38), the Ephesian church elders wept aloud (v. 37). It is beautiful tears of love.
I want to shed these tears too. Especially, I want to shed tears of repentance, tears of gratitude and tears of devotion, three kinds of tears that I shed during the college retreat in Victory Presbyterian Church in May 1987. Wouldn’t it be beautiful if not only my loving Father God sees my tears but also my beloved family see my tears and decides to serve the Lord with tears as the Holy Spirit works in their hearts? I would like to have such a beautiful farewell moment with my beloved family. I want to have beautiful death not only in the sight of God, but also in the sight of my family. When my beloved wife and three children thought of my death, I hope and pray that they may be able to say, ‘My husband/my father served the Lord faithfully and humbly until he died. I am sure he had many trials when he used to serve the Lord and His church. But he endured them and patiently served them in tears. I cannot forget his tears. And I want to serve the Lord and His church with humility and tears as well.’ Then, isn’t this God’s great grace and my death is beneficial?
Third, I want to seek the profit of my beloved family.
Look at Acts 20:20-21: “how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house, solemnly testifying to both Jews and Greeks of repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.” Apostle Paul spent three years in the church of Ephesus, “serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews” (v. 19). Especially, he didn’t hesitate to preach anything that would be helpful to the Ephesian church saints (v. 20). And he taught them publicly and from house to house (v. 20). And the thing that he didn’t hesitate to preach to them was repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ (v. 21). He testified solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God (v. 24). In other words, Apostle Paul declared to the Ephesian church saints the whole purpose of God (v. 27). Why did Paul do that to them? Why didn’t he hesitate to proclaim to and teach the Ephesian church saints anything that was profitable? The reason was because Paul loved them. I remember the words of 1 Corinthians 13:5 – “it does not seek its own.” Since Paul loved the Ephesian church saints, he didn’t seek his own but theirs. Therefore, for their profit, Paul preached and taught repentance toward God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to the Ephesian church saints, bearing witness to the good news of God's grace to them.
Which husband/father would seek his own profit than the profit of his family? Isn’t he working hard to support his beloved family? But more important than this, I think, is that husband/father to nurture his wife and his children as the head of the family. So I don’t forget Ephesians 5:29 and 6:4 that there is a great responsibility for me to nurture my beloved wife and three children. Then how should I nurture them? I should make my wife and my three children disciples of Jesus Christ (Mt. 28:19). As a spiritual teacher in my family, I must teach my beloved wife (and three children) to obey everything the Lord commanded me (v. 20). The purpose of doing so is to cleanse her (my three children) with the Word of God (of course before that I myself must be cleansed with the Word of the Lord each day) (Eph. 5:26). In doing so, my wife and I will be able to love one another with sincere love from our hearts (1 Pet. 1:22). Also, as spiritual teachers of my three children, I shouldn’t exasperate them, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). I must nurture and teach them to obey Father God. And I should raise them as God’s children who obey their parents as they obey their heavenly Father God (v. 1). And I think the children who honor their parents (v. 2) can honor other adults. Why should I do this? It is because I want my wife and my three children to be prosperous and be in good health, just as their souls prosper (3 Jn. 1:2). My purpose is clear. It is to seek the profit of my beloved family. The reason is because I love my wife and my three children with the love of God.
Fourth, I want to show my life that is being led by God’s calling and mission to my beloved family.
Look at Acts 20:24 – “But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.” Apostle Paul was bounded by the Holy Spirit, and was on the way to Jerusalem, not knowing what would happen to him there (v.22). He knew that the Holy Spirit solemnly testified to him that in every city, that they bonds and afflictions awaited him (v. 23). And Paul would have known that the danger that he would lose his life by the Jews who tried to kill him. But Paul didn’t consider his life of any account as dear to himself (v. 24). In other words, he considered the Lord’s mission that was given to him more precious than his own life. That was why in order to finish his course and the ministry which he received from the Lord, he didn’t consider his life of any account as dear to himself (v. 24). What a wonderful man of God? Shouldn’t we have this kind of value too?
I received two promised word of the Lord. The first promise word of the Lord is John 6:1-15, which I received in 1987 May during the Victory Presbyterian Church college retreat through the guest speaker named Pastor Young Ik Kim. The Holy Spirit touched my heart and inspired me to surrender my ‘two fish and five loaves of bread’ kind of life to the Lord. So now, with the full grace of God, I become a pastor and am serving the Lord's church. The second promise word of the Lord is Matthew 16:18, which the Lord gave me through the guest speaker Pastor Won G. Kim at the Korean Church Renewal Pastoral Council in 2003. After receiving the Lord’s word “... I will build my church ... “and when I was praising “I Love Thy Kingdom, Lord”, I cried in tears thinking of Victorious Presbyterian Church. I missed the beloved Victorious Presbyterian Church. So I resigned from the Seohyun Church in Korea, which I served until the end of November of 2003, and returned to the United States on December 3. And I took office as a senior pastor of Victory Presbyterian Church on December 21 when my father Pastor Chang Kim retired. And so far I have been serving the Lord's church with my beloved wife and three children. When I think of these two promise words of the Lord, I think my mission is to share the Word of God (Jn. 6:1-15) and to build the Lord’s church (Mt. 16:18). And to expand the kingdom of God by building the body church of the Lord. My vision is to raise the Christ-centered visionary leaders and to send them into this world to expand the kingdom of God. In fulfilling this mission, I must build my wife and my children as a leader of my household, and build His church members as a leader of the church. I pray and hope that I will be able to faithfully complete this mission by the grace of God. So when I leave this world, I hope and pray that my beloved wife and three children have this memory of me.’
Fifth, I want to commend my beloved family to God and to the Word of His grace.
Look at Acts 20:32 – “And now I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.” Apostle Paul said to the Ephesian church elders, “Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood” (v. 28). The reason he spoke to them was because Paul knew that after his departure externally “savage wolves” would come in among the Ephesian church saints, not sparing the church members (v. 29). He also knew that internally from among the Ephesian church saints men would arise, speaking perverse things in order to draw away the disciples after them (v. 30). That was why when Paul was giving his farewell sermon to the Ephesian church elders he said “be on the alert, remembering that night and day for a period of three years I did not cease to admonish each one with tears” (v. 31). And then Paul commended them to God and to the word of His grace (v. 32). The reason he did so was because he was convinced that God and the word of His grace “is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified” (v. 32). Can you imagine that the church elders (both the teaching elders and the ruling elders) are not standing firm in the word of God’s grace? Then, what will happen to the church saints? What will happen to the church saints from the extreme temptations of not only externally, but also internally? Won’t they leave faith and lean to the right or to the left? Isn’t it terrible to think?
I often think of myself leaving this world, leaving behind my beloved wife and three children. The reason why I think this often is because I have gotten more and more of the viewpoint of death through the death of the senior members of Victory Presbyterian Church whom I had privilege to serve until their deaths and even their funeral services. When I look back on my own life from the death perspective and deeply think about what kind of death I would like to have in the future, I would like to think how good it would be if I would be led by the Lord's calling and being used by Him as His instrument in fulfilling His mission and go to Him peacefully. But at the same time, I cannot help but think about my beloved family. I often think about what life would be like for my beloved wife and three children when I leave this world. Of course, I think about their life of faith. I hope and pray that they continue to live for the glory of God. It seems like there isn’t much that I can do for them. So what I can do for them is to entrust them to God and the word of His grace. Thus, I pray to God for them. It entrust everything to God in prayer. As the Bible 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”, I am casing all my anxiety on the Lord my God. The reason is because God loves my family more than anyone else in this world. I am taught to entrust my family to God, especially to the word of God’s grace (Acts 20:32). My responsibility for that is to convey the words of God’s grace to my family, "the gospel of the grace of God" (v. 24), and to teach them to dwell in the grace of God's salvation. Then when I leave this world, my family will be firmly stand on the words of God’s grace and will be able to receive the inheritance among all those who are sanctified (v. 32).
Sixth, I want to show my beloved family that I am working hard without covetousness.
Look at Acts 20:33-34: “I have coveted no one's silver or gold or clothes. You yourselves know that these hands ministered to my own needs and to the men who were with me.” Why did Apostle Paul say this to the Ephesian church saints as we was preaching his farewell sermon to them? Wasn’t it because there were so many temptations that were tempting the Ephesian church elders? Maybe it was because a man named Demetrius, a silversmith, who made silver shrines of Artemis (19:24) would tempt the Ephesian church elders with money. Maybe that was one of the “trials” (20:19) that Paul went through when he was in Ephesus for three years. If such temptation was with the Ephesian church elders, Paul would entrust them to God and the words of God’s grace, so that they might not be tempted by such temptation of covetousness and commit the sin of idolatry (Col. 3:5). Then the Ephesian church saints who see their elders overcoming the temptation of covetousness would be able to overcome the same temptation as well. And maybe the good way to overcome that temptations was to work hard with their own hands as Paul did (Acts 20:34). Above all, if the Ephesian church elders truly loved their brothers and sisters in Christ of the Ephesian church, then they would have obeyed the Moses’ Ten Commandments “You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exod. 20:17). And they would have worked diligently like Paul, earning their own money. If I as a church leader be without covetousness and be cleaned, what precious life of faith will that be?
I still remembered what my father said when I asked him for an advice regarding my own struggle. At that time when my wife and mother-in-law were preparing for our marriage, buying some furnitures, I kind of stuck between both women and I didn’t know what to do. So I asked my father what I should do. And he said to ‘go beyond material’. In my mother-in-law’s position, she wanted to do lot for us, buying some good and expensive furnitures for us but my wife didn’t want to because they were too expensive. So I didn’t know what to do between two women. That was why I asked my father what to do. I still remembered that my mother-in-law won and she bought us undeserved furnitures for us. Another thing I still remember is when we got married my wife told me ‘How the evangelist could eat the Korean BBQ.’ Haha. Perhaps my wife thought that the evangelist shouldn’t eat expensive ribs. Haha. But eventually I ate the ribs. As I think about living a life of thrifty, going beyond material, being free from all the material temptations, not covetousness but being satisfied by Jesus alone, I want to learn to be content whatever the circumstances (Phil. 4:11-12). So I want to show my beloved family that I am satisfied with the Lord alone. And I want to show my family that I am doing my ministry diligently, without greed. So when I leave this world, I hope and pray that my beloved wife and three children will think 'My husband/my father was without greed but was satisfied with the Lord only and worked hard for the Lord, His church and His Kingdom and passed away peacefully.'
The seventh and the last, I want to be an example to my beloved family.
Look at Acts 20:35 – “In everything I showed you that by working hard in this manner you must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, that He Himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.” Apostle Paul showed an example to the elders of the Ephesian church. The reason why he couldn’t covet was because he remembered that the Lord Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (v. 35). That was why Paul didn’t fall into the temptation of covetousness, but was able to work hard with his own hands to his own needs and to the men who were with him (v. 34). Not only that, but Paul by working hard he helped the weak (v. 35). Paul, who showed this example, preached the farewell sermon to the Ephesian church elders and told them that they too should follow his example and work hard to help the weak (v. 35). The reason is because it is blessed life (v. 35).
I want to show what a blessed life is to my beloved family. I would like to show my beloved three children how living in action rather than mere talk is a blessed life in the sight of God. I want to show them how I have enjoyed God’s gracious blessings in my life through my appearance from behind. If I could show them an example of the truth that it is more blessed to give than to receive, then I think even if I close my eyes, my beloved children will be able to open their spiritual eyes and follow my footsteps (1 Pet. 2:21). Especially, I want to leave a beautiful footprint to my beloved family by living and working hard until the day when I cannot work and helping the weak people, those who are in need. Therefore, even if I leave this world, I hope and pray that they can follow my footsteps that are written on the tablets of their hearts.
I have come across one of the TV news that touched my heart. It is the new about Josephine Smith who became a New York city firefighter like her father. Her father was a firefighter in the 9/11 incident but passed away. But thirteen years after her father’s death, she became the firefighter after completing all tests and all tough training. When I was watching that news, I couldn’t forget two scenes. The first scene was that firefighter Josephine Smith was smiling brightly on a building ladder, wearing her firefighter uniform and hat. Another scene was a picture of her father who passed away. Her father’s impression looked good. At the age of 47, he was killed by the 9/11 incident. So I guess that his daughter Josephine Smith was in a high school. I thought about her heart when she lost her beloved father in her adolescent year. I thought about how much she loves her father that she also became a firefighter after her father. When I think of Josephine Smith who is a firefighter and serving a New York City like her beloved father, I also think that I should become an example to my three beloved children as well. I want to pursue the change of my character by shifting that thought into practice and becoming habitual. I would like to show my beloved family that I keep on getting rid of all my covetousness and working hard for the Lord and His church. Also, I want to be profitable to my family by showing them through my appearance from behind that I am serving the Lord humbly and faithfully with passion and patience as I am lead by the Lord’s calling and mission. As I entrust my beloved family to God and to the word of God’s grace, I want to imitate Jesus Christ until I die so that I may be able to leave Christ-likeness footsteps on the tablets of their hearts.
Thinking of my beloved wife and three children Dillon, Yeri and Karis,
James Kim