What kind of person should we be?
[Proverbs 27:15-19]
How is your spiritual life these days? Where are you prioritizing in your life of faith? Is it a deed or a being? I personally believe that we should focus on being rather than deed in our life of faith. In other words, I think that we should focus on the question of who I am in front of the Lord rather than the question of what I am doing for Him and His church and live a life of faith. The reason is because I think who I am is far more important than what I do. In other words, “being” is much more important than “doing”. I think deed should flow naturally from being. In order to do that, we must become true Christians. Then we can live a Christian life.
I would like to receive a lesson by thinking about the three things what kind of person we should be, based on the words of Proverbs 27:15-19. I hope and pray that all of us may humbly receive the lesson from the Lord and obey.
First, we should be reconcilers.
Look at Proverbs 27:15 – “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.” Have you ever seen rain leaking from the roof? If you have seen it, how was your heart? What I still vividly remember is that on a rainy day, water keeps dropping from the roof of our church main sanctuary. So later, one of our church pastors went up to the roof and did waterproofing work. Later, during the remodeling of the church, I learned that water leaked from the roof for a long time, and the woods on the ceiling were rotted. If we left untreated, the ceiling could have collapsed. I was thankful to hear from the construction worker.
If we look at Proverbs 27:15, the Bible says, “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.” A similar statement is found in the second half of Proverbs 19:13, “… and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.” What does it mean? It means that a wife who has a habit of constantly quarreling with her husband doesn’t stop talking when a quarrel with her husband begins like raindrops falling continuously (Park). Will there be days of peace in such a family? There must be not much. Not only that, the children in the family are bound to feel anxious. The reason is because mom and dad keep on arguing and fighting. As if when we see raindrops leaking from the roof, drop by drop, and we have anxious thoughts that if we keep leaving it like that, the ceiling may collapse, our children may feel anxious enough to think about what it is like if my mom and dad divorce since they are keep on arguing and fighting.
In Proverbs 27:15, the Bible speaks of “A quarrelsome wife”. Another Korean Bible translated it as ‘A wife who likes to quarrel.’ In other words, the quarreling wife mentioned in today's text refers to a woman who likes quarrels and has become a habit of quarreling with her husband at home. What a woman with a bad habit. Of course, there are many husbands who have a quarreling habit, who like to quarrel with men as well as women when couples quarrel at home. What could be the reason? Why do couples quarrel with each other? And why can it be a habit? Look at James 4:1 – “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?” The reason why couples quarrel with each other is because of the desire that battles within each other. And the reason that they fight habitually is because they cannot control the desire of fighting. That's why married couples are keep on arguing and fighting because they aren’t filled with the Holy Spirit and they aren’t bearing the one of the fruits of the Spirit, that is self-control. Particularly, because they cannot control their anger, they don’t calm a quarrel (Prov. 15:18) and speak a harsh word that stirs up (more) anger (v. 1). So if we look at Proverbs 21:9, the Bible says “a quarrelsome wife,” while in verse 19 it says “a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife”. The reason is because the cause of the quarrel is anger without being patient. We know it because “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension” (15:18). But “a patient man calms a quarrel” (v. 18). That's why the Bible Proverbs 21:9 and 19 say, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” and “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” It is better to live in a cottage or in the desert than in a large house with a quarrelsome and angry woman. It is better to live in harmony with each other even in the uncomfortable hut than to live comfortably in a large house and keep on fighting. We must be committed in building a peaceful couple in the Lord.
We must be reconcilers. Look at 2 Corinthians 5:18 – “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” We must faithfully fulfill this ministry of reconciliation. We must first take on the ministry of reconciliation in our homes. We must first try to get the couple to get along with each other. To do that, we have to work on at least three things.
(1) We must cover each other's offenses without repeating them.
Look at Proverbs 17:9 – “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Satan makes us to see each other's transgressions more and more and makes them not only talk to each other with our lips over and over again, but even to others. In addition, Satan makes us write down what the other has done wrong to us in our thoughts so that we can tell each other about what we have done wrong, and make them say it over and over again. We must resist this temptation of Satan and win the spiritual battle and cover each other's transgressions with the grace of God who covered our transgressions.
(2) We must drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Look at Proverbs 17:14 – “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” When married couples or children quarrel with each other in the home, what do they usually quarrel with? Do they quarrel over a big thing or a very small thing? Couples often quarrel over even the most trivial things. However, mainly when we quarrel and fight, we have to stop arguing. But because we can't stop arguing, the fights that started with the small thing expand and become a bigger fight. That’s why we must drop the matter before the dispute breaks out.
(3) We must sacrifice ourselves (Mk. 9:5), deny ourselves (8:34), be humble (9:34-37), and serve each other (v. 41).
We must be reconcilers. Our mission is to reconcile. We must fulfill the duty of reconciliation, bringing peace between our neighbors. In addition, we must reconcile with God through the gospel of Christ while looking at one soul from God's perspective. This is the purpose of our life. And we must be reconciling people not only at home, but also at church, and everywhere. Therefore, I hope and pray that all of us may be called sons and daughters of God (Mt. 5:9).
Second, we should be people who help each other.
Pastor Paul David Tripp said in his book “What did you Expect?”: “No, what we are getting is something we desperately need, the uncomfortable grace of personal growth and change.” Without the grace of God, a man and a woman who have different personalities, different backgrounds, and thoughts, etc., cannot live together in harmony in a family. However, this grace of God is “uncomfortable grace” for us. The reason that grace is uncomfortable for us is because two different man and woman are married to form one family, so they have to be broken a lot and be sharpen a lot together. And I think that in order for a couple to sharpen each other a lot, they need to sharpen each other “As iron sharpens iron” (Prov. 27:17). In order for iron to sharpen iron, the two irons must collide well. Likewise, in order for a couple to sharpen each other, they must fight well in the Lord. The couple who fights well in the Lord acknowledges God's sovereignty. So rather than saying that they are right or wrong, they take the difference as an opportunity for each other's change and growth, with an attitude of ‘We are just different.’ They use each other's differences as an opportunity to complement each other, so the couple becomes more and more perfect together in the Lord. They grow together in the Lord through their differences. Therefore, they appreciate and respect each other's differences. This is the uncomfortable grace of change and the personality of the individual that the couple desperately needs.
Look at Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Here, “Iron sharpens iron” is a metaphor for we Christians helping each other. This is a lesson that we should help each other so that our brothers and sisters in Christ can develop and shine (Park). Then, how can we help our brothers and sisters in Christ to develop and shine? Just as iron sharpens iron, what do we do to sharpen our friends? I thought about it in four ways:
(1) In order for us to sharpen our friends, we must shine our hearts on our friends.
Look at Proverbs 27:19 – “As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.” Just as our faces shine when we put our faces on the water of a stream, so we must shine our hearts in meetings with our friends. We must open the door to our hearts and treat our friends with genuine heart and transparency. Especially in our conversations with our friends, we must open our hearts to our friends transparently, honestly and sincerely. Then we will connect our hearts with our friends’ hearts. We can sharpen each other when the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us, allows us to connect hearts and minds with our friends.
(2) In order for us to sharpen our friends, we must counsel them with the word of God’s truth.
Look at Proverbs 27:9 – “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.” Not only does the Holy Spirit open our hearts and make us to be transparent to our friends, but also the Holy Spirit reminds us of His word of truth so that we can counsel our friends with the word of God. The Holy Spirit counsels our friends with His word at His appropriate time. The reason the right time is so important here is because no matter how much we counsel our friends with the word of God, we can never sharpen our friends unless the timing is right. That's why the Bible Proverbs 27:14 says, “If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.” No matter how blessing it is, who would like it if someone says it to you loudly in the morning. The indwelling Holy Spirit, who gives us the grace to help us in our time of need, counsels our friends with the word of God's truth at His proper time, so that we can sharpen our friends.
(3) In order for us to sharpen our friends, we must praise them.
Look at Proverbs 27:2 – “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.” Not only do we open our hearts and exhort our friends with the word of God's truth, but we should also praise our friends. How is this possible? It is made possible by God the Holy Spirit who dwells within us. The indwelling Spirit opens our spiritual eyes and allows us to see strengths in our friends. And the Holy Spirit makes us praise our friend's strengths. In commendation, God the Holy Spirit encourages, comforts, and empowers our friends through us. Therefore, we must praise our friends. We should never be stingy with praise. We must sharpen our friends by praising them with God's love.
(4) In order for us to sharpen our friends, we must rebuke them.
Look at Proverbs 27:5-6: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Although we are used to doing hidden love rather than rebuking, the Bible says that open rebuke is better than hidden love. And the Bible says that it is better to have a friend's trustworthy rebuke than an enemy's false kisses. And that trustworthy rebuke from the friend hurts. It wounds our hearts. How is a friend's wound to us better than an enemy's false frequent kisses? The reason is because our enemy hates us and he tries to break us down, even through false kisses, while our friends want to builds us up with true rebuke in love. Therefore, we should to know that our friend rebukes us because he loves us. And we must know that the wound of the heart that comes from our friends’ rebuke in love is good for us. Even this beneficial wound must be given to our friend as a loving rebuke. Then we will be able to sharpen our friends.
Just as iron sharpens iron, we must sharpen our friends. We must sharpen our friends with words of truth that the indwelling Holy Spirit reminds us as we open our hearts widely. And we must sincerely praise our friends for their strengths that the Holy Spirit allows us to see. And we must rebuke our friends with the love of God. May we glorify God by sharpening our brothers and sisters and friends in Christ.
Third and last, we must be keepers.
What do you want to keep most? Perhaps what we all want to keep is the people we love, the family members we love. Especially as parents, the desire to protect their children will be our parents' instinct. In particular, as parents of faith, we sincerely wish to keep the faith of our children. Living in a world where there are so many temptations and delusions that are prone to secularization, we have no choice but to desperately want to protect the faith of our children as parents. Look at James 1:27 – “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Isn't it our parents' earnest hope and prayer topic to pass on this pure faith not only to ourselves but also to our children?
Look at Proverbs 27:18 – “He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and he who looks after his master will be honored.” Here, “he who looks after” means “to keep”, and it refers to the duty of the watchmen to keep their masters from harm (Park). So, in the first half of verse 18, the Bible says, "He who tends a fig tree." According to Dr. Yoon-sun Park’s commentary, the fig tree is a very noble fruit and in order for the fig tree to bear fruit well, we must carefully care for the tree. In particular, it is said that a young fig tree must be well plowed to produce fruit, and an old fig tree must be well maintained so that it does not rot (Park). Just as those who keep the fig tree well plow, nourish, and take good care of the ground so that the fig tree can produce very noble fruits, we are those who protect our loved ones. And as those who protect our loved ones, we will bring precious and beautiful fruits in their lives. We need to help, take good care of, and protect them. In particular, we must be watchmen so that the glory of God is not damaged (Park). Recently my heart was uncomfortable because I was going through some difficult things in the church. The reason was because, in my ignorance, I realized that I had violated the word of God that I meditated and proclaimed and acted inconsistent with it. So I asked God for forgiveness of my sins and prayed that I would not hide the glory of God. Thankfully, God listened to our prayers, so we no longer hide the glory of God.
Our God is a God who has concern for His holy name more than anyone else. Look at Ezekiel 36:21-23: “I had concern for my holy name, which the house of Israel profaned among the nations where they had gone. Therefore say to the house of Israel, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: It is not for your sake, O house of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name, which you have profaned among the nations where you have gone. I will show the holiness of my great name, which has been profaned among the nations, the name you have profaned among them. Then the nations will know that I am the LORD, declares the Sovereign LORD, when I show myself holy through you before their eyes.” When we have sinned against God in the presence of many people in this world and desecrated the holy name of God, our God has concern for His holy name and will show the holiness of His great name. Therefore, we too must live the life of the saints who keep the holy name so that we don’t disgrace the name with respect for God's holy name.
I remember the words of Psalms 121:3-8: “He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Our God is the one who keeps and watches over us (v. 3). The God who keeps us and watches over us does neither slumber nor sleep (v. 5). God protects us from all dangers and keeps our lives safe (v. 7). That is why we must pray for God to protect our hearts, which are the source of life that we must keep above all else (Prov. 4:23). And we must always pray to God for protecting the faith and life of our family members and church members that we love and care about.
We must focus on our being rather than our deeds and lead a life of faith. We must keep in mind that who we are before the Lord is more important than what we do for Him. Therefore, our earnest prayer is to become like Jesus. We must be real Christians who imitate Jesus Christ. We have received three lessons about what kind of Christian we should be, focusing on the words of Proverbs 27:15-19: (1) We should be reconcilers (v. 15). (2) We should be people who help each other (v. 17). (3) We must be keepers (v. 18). May we all become these kinds of Christians so that wherever we are or whatever we do, I hope and pray that we can glorify God.