Five kinds of people to stay away from (Prov. 26:17-22)

Five kinds of people to stay away from

[Proverbs 26:17-22]

Last week I was reading the Gospel of John in the Bible before going to bed at night. And I thought about it and wrote something down. The focus of the writing supposed to be people whom we should stay away from, but I wrote about people whom we should be close to. First of all, I wrote down two people whom we should be close to, and those people are those who are truthful (Prov. 12:22) and the people who don’t stumble in what they say (Jam. 3:2). And then I wrote about the people whom we should stay away from. Look at John 8:44 – “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” As I was reading this word, I thought that we Christians should stay away from a liar. What do you think? Besides the liar, whom should we stay away from?

Today based on Proverbs 26:17-22, I would like to think about the five kinds of people we should stay away from. As we meditate on these five kinds of people, I hope and pray that we can receive the lessons God gives us and obey His lessons.

The first kind of people to stay away from is a fool like one who who seizes a dog by the ears.

Look at Proverbs 26:17 – “Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.” How would a dog react if you grabbed the dog's ear? I read an internet article saying, ‘Do you like a dog if you hold the dog’s ear?’ Several people have given these answers to this question (Internet):

(a) ‘The ears are the weakness of all animals. That’s why the dogs move to protect itself.’

(b) ‘The dog really hates it and it hurts.’

(d) ‘If you hold the dog by its ear, some dogs will bite you. Don't do it carelessly.

(e) ‘Then it will get really bad. The dog doesn't like someone to hold its ears. So it can bite you. I've also been bitten by my dog. It really hurts.’

If we look at Proverbs 26:17, the Bible says, “Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own.” According to Pastor John MacArthur, at the time of the Proverbs writer, the dogs in Palestine were not as domesticated as they are today. Therefore, it is said that holding a dog's ears was dangerous (MacArthur). That is why the Proverbs writer is saying that it is foolish to seize the dog by the ear. And he's telling us that the foolish thing, like seizing the dog by the ears, is the passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own. The word “meddles” here literally means “excites himself over” (Walvoord). In view of this literal meaning, I think the fool likes the one who seizes dog by the ears that the Proverbs writer is talking about in Proverbs 26:17 is a person who likes to get into a quarrel that has nothing to do with him. To put it more seriously, when he sees other people quarrel, I think he is the person who gets excited about himself and goes to those who quarrel with interest to find out and intervene to fuel the quarrel. Today we need to learn 3 lessons from this verse (Park):

(1) We must not interfere in other people's affairs.

Have you ever heard of a Korean proverb saying, ‘A dog runs away suddenly from a barn house’? This is the first time I've ever heard, and it is ‘a sarcastic word for someone who jumps in and meddles whenever something happens’ (Internet). What do you think? Is there anyone who jumps into other people's affairs and intervenes whenever there is something going on around you? In particular, are there any people who can't do their job properly and are eager to intervene in other people's affairs? People say to such a person, ‘Do not meddle with others, but turn off the light on your feet’ (Internet). In fact, if we look at 1 Peter 4:15, the Bible says, ‘Do not suffer by being a meddler.’ We don't have to face unnecessary hardships by intervening in fights that have nothing to do with us on our way. Intervening in such a fight is not only not wise, but also it isn’t loving our neighbor.

(2) We must not participate in the quarrels of others.

Excessive interest can not only interfere with others' affairs, but also make us to join in, which can make other people's quarrels bigger. For example, if two people are arguing in a church and paying too much attention to them, you may be wondering why they are are fighting and want to know. Then, while listening to their words, we cannot keep our neutrality and join in, lean to one side and become on the side of one person, making the quarrel even bigger. Our responsibility is not to make the quarrels bigger, but to reconcile those who quarrel. We are those who are reconciled to God through the ransom death of Jesus Christ on the cross (Rom. 5:10). And the Lord has given us “the office of reconciliation” (2 Cor. 5:18). And God has committed to us “the message of reconciliation” (v. 19). The Bible tells us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Rom. 12:18). We must become peacemakers who reconcile with everyone.

(3) We must know that interfering in others' affairs or participating in other people's quarrels will make us to suffer a loss.

Have you ever heard the saying, ‘You will get bitten back if you tickle an angry dhole’s nose’? This is the North Korean saying. It means that you will suffer a loss if you meddle with an angry person (Internet). Have you ever suffered any damages for being prematurely meddle with the angry person? I personally have two thoughts about being suffer a loss. The two things are (a) that we must recover our spiritual wealth even through we may loss our wealth, and (b) even though it seems that we suffer a loss, God restores that loss and gives us blessings (Ruth 4). However, based on the word of Proverbs 26:17, one more thought about suffering a loss has been added to those two things. It is nothing more than the fact that there is no need to incur unnecessary loss by interfering and participation in other people's affairs. This is not just our loss, but also to those who are quarreling. Furthermore, if something is happening in the church, then the church community will suffer a loss. There is no need to deliberately take advantage of this kind ineffective loss. So we have to discern and separate the loss as well. There are suffering the loss that is beneficial to ourselves. It is to regain our spiritual wealth, even through the loss of wealth. In addition, God is giving us blessings by turning over our losses (Ruth 4). But there are also useless loss to us. It is an unnecessary or useless loss that we see as we interfere and participate in others' affairs (Prov. 26:17). We must be able to see the loss separately with spiritual discernment.

We should not interfere with quarrels that have nothing to do with us. Who will seize the dog by the ears even though he knows that the dog will bite him. That is foolish thing to do. The Bible Proverbs 26:17 urges us not to do such foolish thing. We shouldn't do this foolish thing as we go along the road and get involved in quarrels that have nothing to do with us.

The second kind of people to stay away from is a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows.

When you watch a Korean historical drama, have you ever seen people holding torches and throwing them at home? Or have you ever seen some of the soldiers who shoot arrows with fire during a war? Why do soldiers shoot fiery arrows on the battlefield at the soldiers in the enemy's camp? Isn't that the purpose of killing the enemy?

Look at Proverbs 26:18-19: “Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only joking!” Here, the phrase “a mad man shooting firebrands or deadly arrows” literally means ‘a mad man who throws fireballs, arrows, and death’ in Hebrew. This person is a man who shoots arrows with fire. He's the mad man who lightly views life and plans murder (Internet). We must stay away from this kind of man.

Every time I hear the news of the shootings in the US news, I sometimes feel like crazy people who take other people’s lives lightly and plan for murder. How could they take people's lives lightly by going to school with guns, shooting firearms, and taking away the precious lives of many young students. One day I heard the news anchor said that gun control laws need to be tightened, and one of those laws was investigating a person who buys a gun. And she said that if the person has a mental problem (or had any experience of treatment for the mental problem), they government should create a regulatory law that prevents guns from being sold. When I heard that, I thought that of course it should be like that. Imagine. What if people sell a gun to a psychopath? According to an online article, the number of pediatric bipolar disorder (manic depression) has increased by 40 times and the diagnosis of autism has increased by 20 times in the past 15 years. It is said that there are now more than 200 mental disorders that were only 6 types a century ago (Internet). In this situation, what would happen if gun control laws were not tightened and guns were sold to people with mental disorders? What if there was a madman who is now looking lightly at life and trying to kill us, standing in front of us with a gun? Won’t we be afraid and fear of death? The Bible says that this “is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking!’” (v. 19) Such a man deceives others with his ruthless heart. And even though he deceives others, he doesn’t regret or lament it, but rather enjoys it (Park). Can you imagine a man who deceives others and doesn’t regret or lament, but rather enjoys it? How cruel and crazy is this? The Bible says that someone who likes to inflict fatal wounds on others by deceiving them, and who says that he was just joking, is like the mad man who shoots firebrands of deadly arrows.

We have to be careful with our tongue. If we look at James chapter 3, the Bible says that “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body …” (v. 6). And the Bible says that the tongue “is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (v.8). Although the tongue is only a small part of the body, it can cause great damage, as if “a great forest is sent on fire by a small spark” (v. 5). We must not misuse our tongue and cause great damage to the other people. In particular, we must not deceive people with our tongue. In Leviticus 25:14, the Bible says, "... don’t cheat each other (EXB). The Bible Proverbs 24:28, “Do not testify against your neighbor without cause, or use your lips to deceive.” Also, in Proverbs 25:18, the Bible says, “Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is the man who gives false testimony against his neighbor.” We should not deceive our neighbors with our lips. Even if the other person lies to us and deceives us, we shouldn't do the same to the other person. Of course, the reason we should not do so is because not only the Bible forbids us to revenge ourselves, but also as Christians we should not lie and deceive the neighbors. If we lie and deceive our neighbor, we must not forget that it pleases the devil, the liar and father of lies (Jn. 8:44). We Christians must not lie. We must be truthful. May we all be raised up as true Christians.

The third kind of people to stay away from is talkers or gossipers.

I read an Internet article titled ‘How to Eliminate a Gossiper Colleague’ (Internet). According to that article, ‘There is one source of conflict in many workplaces.’ It is said to be ‘the constant gossiper of coworkers who share too much privacy.’ According to one survey, a survey of 514 professional and corporate workers found that three out of five office workers said they had at least one coworker who shares too much privacy at least once a week. These gossipers often interfere with the work of their co-workers, and they risk putting their own careers as well as those of other co-workers at risk.

When we looking at Proverbs 26:20, the Bible says, “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” Who is a talker or gossiper? Mostly we think of “gabbler” when we talk about the talker or gossiper. Also, we think of “gossiper” (internet). At the same time, the word also means “blabbermouth” (Internet). What would you be like if there were such talkers/gossipers around you? Will you feel tired?

This is what the Bible says in Proverbs 11:13 and 20:19 – “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (11:13) and “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much” (20:19). Looking at these words, it is said that a gossiper is a person who goes around and divulges the secrets of others. The lesson that these words teach us is that if we have problems with our neighbors, we must be careful with our words if that neighbor is a gossiper. The reason is because the gossiper will go around and reveal our secrets. So we must be careful with gossipers. We shouldn't give the gossiper all the sincerity in our hearts. Why is the Proverbs writer saying in Proverbs 26:20 that quarrel dies down without gossip? The reason is because the gossiper goes around and reveals other people's secrets (11:13, 20:19). Also, the reason is because the gossiper wanders around and talks to others, playing both sides against the middle and bring separation between people (1 Tim. 5:13) and causing disputes (Park). Actually, the Proverbs writer says in Proverbs 16:28, “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.” That’s why he says that without gossip the quarrel dies down (26:20). That's why the Bible tells us not to divulge other people's secrets when there is a problem that two people can argue with. The reason is recorded in the Bible Proverbs 25:10 – “or he who hears it may shame you and you will never lose your bad reputation.” The reason is because if we divulge someone else's secret when we quarrel, the person who listens to that other's secret will embarrass us. Our reputation will be bad as a result. Dr. Yoon-sun Park said: ‘Why is he embarrassed when he quarrels and reveals secrets? The reason is because the principle is to speak only to solve the problem of the dispute. But aside from that problem, it is a personal attack to talk about the other's secret shortcomings. Anytime a personal attack is not intended to defy the truth, it is a vulgar act. Even though the other's secret work belongs to his private matter, it is rude to invade it. He's been embarrassed for his words all his life and it's hard to escape the other's hatred. Therefore, when people inevitably quarrel, they must calmly testify about the problem’ (Park). I think it makes sense. When we quarrel, we should not talk (leak) other people's secrets. But we should only speak to solve the problem of the dispute. But there are times when we cannot. When I think about why, one of the reasons is because we cannot focus on solving the problem of our quarrels and focus only on that problem and we think that the other person caused the problem. That's why I think it's even a personal attack on that person. And the reason why we personally attack the other person is because our our desires that battle within us (Jam. 4:1).

We need to stay away from talkers/gossipers who are talkative. Especially, we must be on the lookout for those who easily divulge the secrets of others. The reason is because the quarrels will never cease if we get close to such talkers or gossipers. Therefore, we must stay away from gossipers, even to stay away from quarrels.

The fourth kind of people to stay away from is a quarrelsome man.

Our church used to go out to the park twice a year and use to grill meat. At that time, we have seen the brothers in Christ who put charcoal and sprinkle lighter fluid on it to light it in order to cook meat. If the charcoal fire seems to be running out while grilling the meat, they put more charcoal to grill the meat. The same goes for wooden fire. They light the wood and burn it. And if the wood seems to be burning, they add more wood.

Look at Proverbs 26:21 – “As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.” The Proverbs writer says that those who love quarrels fuel the fight as if they add charcoal over a charcoal fire and add wood to a burning fire. What would you do if your clothes were on fire now? I am sure you will sprinkle water on the lit clothes to put out the fire. But what if you pour gasoline on it? Likewise, what would happen if we pour gasoline on two people who are quarreling, instead of pouring water as peacemakers? Wouldn't they quarrel greatly as if they were on fire? For example, there may be enough cases in a house where two of the family members are arguing and we foolishly intervene, making the quarrel between the two even bigger. When our spouse and children are quarreling, we need to reconcile with each other, but we may make the quarrels bigger without intention to do so. In most cases, we cannot control our emotions and get involved in the two who are quarreling. That’s why the Bible says in Proverbs 15:18, “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.” Those who get easily angry (those who are in a hurry) cause a quarrel. However, those who are slow to anger (those who are seldom angry) will calm the quarrel.

In Proverbs 25:24, the Proverbs writer is talking of "a quarrelsome wife." He says that it is better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with the quarrelsome wife. Why does the wife quarrel with her husband? If we look at Proverbs 15:1, the Bible says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Can we imagine how would other person react when we say the harsh words to an angry person, as if we are pouring gasoline into the fire instead of calming the other person's anger with the gentle words? The reason why a wife quarrels with her husband is because of “a sly tongue”. Look at Proverbs 25:23 – “As a north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks.” Here, “a sly tongue” means ‘the tongue of secret,’ which refers to the words of a person who is flattering to harm others and to benefit himself. And the husband who hears such words causes anger, and the couple quarrel. That is why the Bible Proverbs 21:9, 19 say this: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. … Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” While the Bible Proverbs 21:9 says "a quarrelsome wife" (a woman who likes to quarrel), 21:19 says "a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife". What we can tell here is that the cause of the couple's quarrels is because they can't stand anger and get angry. In Proverbs 15:18, the Bible says that "A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension."

We shouldn't be angry. We must be slow to anger. The reason for this is because “a patient man calms a quarrel” (v. 18). We should be slow to anger people who calm the quarrel. What is the reason? The reason is because the Bible Philippians 2:14 says "Do everything without complaining or arguing." The reason the apostle Paul said that to the members of the Philippian church was because there was complaining or arguing in the church (v. 3). The cause of complaining or arguing (quarrels) in the Philippian church was vain glory (v. 3). If there are people in the church who are pursuing vain glory that get above himself and is hollow, then complaints and quarrels will inevitably arise in the church. The same is true of the modern church. The reason why there is complaining and strife in the church is because of the vain glory within us. Because of that vain glory, there is complaining and strife in the church because we act according to the old habit of fighting desire (Jam. 4:1). Why should we Christians, as the apostle Paul said, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain glory? The reason is “so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe” (Phil. 2:15). The world we live in is a perverse world. People aren’t going on the straight and right path that the Lord commanded, but on the crooked path. Their mind is also crooked. Because the mind is crooked, both of their words and actions are crooked. In this broken and rebellious world, we must show the light of Jesus as God's blameless and pure children (v. 15). In order to do that, we must do everything without complaining and arguing.

The fifth and the last kind of people to stay away from is a man who likes to talk about others.

Have you ever learned later that someone was spreading bad rumors about you? If so, how did you react when you learned that it was by no means true, but that the person had made up words about you, lied, and spread bad rumors about you? I have had this experience. There was a time when a person made up something that wasn't based on the fact at all, but she made up the false story and spread the bad rumor about me in her apartment. And two people came to me and told me about that rumor because they were also involved in this bad and false rumor. At that time, I had lunch with them at a restaurant near the church, and one of them told me about that rumor. When I first heard that rumor, it was so absurd that I just laughed. At that time, I remember feeling sorry for those two who were involved in the false rumor. In particular, I remember that I apologized to them instead of the one who spread that rumor because I was very sorry especially one of them wasn’t a believer and who came to my church with the father, who attended my church.

Look at Proverbs 26:22 – “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.” Among the meditations on the word of God that I cannot forget, there is a meditation on the word ‘The Satan's strategy (4)’. It was the meditation based on the words of Acts 21:27-36. As I meditated on those words, I realized that one of Satan's strategies was “rumor” (v. 31). The point of the words is that the apostle Paul accepted the counsel of James, the leader of the church in Jerusalem, and the four men who made the vows of the Nazirites, entered the temple, paid various sacrifices for them, and participated in their sacrifices. This was because Paul wanted to show decisively how thorough and godly Jew he was. When that very day was right before his eyes, some Jews from the providence of Asia saw Paul at the temple and stirred up the whole crowd and seized him (Sang-seop Yoo). They stirred up the crowd by unhesitatingly spreading a false claim against the apostle Paul. Although the Jews should have first checked whether it was true or not, and then should have spoken, they stirred up the whole crowd who were in the courtyard of the Israeli men in the temple in speculation and seized Paul. The apostle Paul had already experienced this experience in Iconium (Acts 14). When he went to Iconium with Barnabas and went to the Jewish synagogue and preached the gospel as he had always done, he also experienced that a great number of Jews and Gentiles believed (v. 1). At that time, the Jews who refused to believe stirred up the Gentiles and poisoned their minds against the brothers (v. 2). So they mistreated Paul and Barnabas and tried to stone them (v. 5).

How pathetic and frustrating is this? However, this is also happening in the church in this era in which we are living. Even now, there are people who make false claims in the church and impulse the members. It isn’t an argument based on facts, but in the midst of speculation, they make arguments against people they hate and dislike. And in the end, it is happening in the church to stir up the people around them and form a group by making their own side. This is what the Bible Proverbs 16:28 says: “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.” Considering the Bible's saying that “When they are many words, transgression is unavoidable” (10:19), there may be talkers who like to talk about other people in the church that are not based on facts, which can stir up other believers to cause quarrels. The reason the church falls into quarrels is because we listen to the lies of the devil. This is because the devil keeps emphasizing that there are different ideas and impulses to quarrel.

We should not like to talk about other people. We should be careful and careful. The reason is because if we like to talk, we can harm the other people. For example, when we like to talk about other people, we can cause quarrels (18:6; 26:20), or we can separate close friends (16:28). That's why Psalms 101:5 tells us not to slander our neighbor in secret, and Proverbs 17:9 tells us not to repeat the matter. We must not speak careless word (Mt. 12:36). Also, we must not go from house to house and say useless words or gossips (1 Tim. 5:13) (Nelson).