Children who make their parents really happy (1)
[Proverbs 23:15-23]
Among 304 who died due to the sinking of the Korean passenger ship (Seowol), there was a student named Cha-woong Jung (17 years old). He was a third-grade kendo holder who developed the dream of athleticism. He sacrificed his life by giving his life jacket to his friend and trying to save others at that time of the accident, a day before his birthday. At the time of his funeral, however, the highest price for shroud was more than $4,000. But his family got him the lowest one that costs only around $400. The reason was because the family thought that they couldn’t use the people’s tax money on the expensive shroud. According to a funerals official, because Jung’s family ordered the cheap funeral supplies, other two families who lost their kids also ordered the same kind of funeral supplies and joined the Jung’s family's wishes’ (Internet). When I first got to this article, I was wondering what the Jung’s parents' hearts were. I think the parents were proud of their dead children.
The Bible tells us to discipline a child (Prov. 23:13-14). We should discipline our children because we love them. “He who spares the rod hates his son” (13:24). Another reasons why we must discipline our children are to drive out the foolishness from our children's life (22:15), to give wisdom to our children (29:15), to save our children from death (23:14) and to lead them to the way of life (10:17). In doing so, they will give us joy and peace to our hearts (29:17). Therefore, we must discipline our children.
This is what Proverbs 23:15-16 says, “My son, if your heart is wise, then my heart will be glad; my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right.” If we apply this word to the relationship between the parents and their children, if the children's hearts are wise and their lips are honest (speaking the right things), their parents’ hearts will be glad and will be delighted and joyful. Here, we can see who the children who really make their parents happy. And those children whose hearts are wise and who speak right. In other words, the children who really make their parents happy are children who listen to their wise parents, received the lessons of truth from them, and obey them. Apostle John had such joy. Look at 2 John 1:4 – “It has given me great joy to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as the Father commanded us.” Look at 3 John 1:4 – “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” Dr. Park Yoon-sun said: ‘The only joy of the one who communicates the truth is that the people live by that truth’ (Park). Do we have this joy?
I would like to think about five truths that the children who really please the hearts of their parents based on Proverbs 23:15-23 and want to accept those truths and to live by them. I hope and pray that all of us will first receive these truths and live according to those truths, so that our children will be filled with grace and the Spirit to live according to those truths as well.
The first truth is, do not let your heart envy sinner, but always live in the fear of the Lord.
Look at Proverbs 23:17 – “Do not let your heart envy sinners, But live in the fear of the LORD always.” There are two Korean words that I don’t like to hear personally when I talk to other people. I often see people chatting on the internet and writing those two words when people reply. Those two Korean words are “덕분에”(by your favor) and “부럽습니다” (I envy you). Of course, it would be better to say ‘by your favor’ than ‘because of you’. But somehow, when people say ‘by your favor’, I feel like they are just saying for ‘hello’. That’s why I don’t like it very much. And when people tell me, ‘I envy you’ I don’t know why they envy me. I don’t think we need to envy each other. I think that we can just accept our own situation that the Lord has given to each of us, and be thankful and satisfied. One day, when I was chatting with group of people, one member said to another member: 'If you envy, you lose.'
In Proverbs 23:17, the Bible says, "Do not let your heart envy sinner.” But it is very difficult for us not to envy the sinner's prosperity with our hearts, as the Bible says. Especially when we are in need and financially suffering, I think it is impossible to live by this truth without God’s grace. Think about it. If you are trying to believe in Jesus and want to live according to the Word, but there is only painful things. And you see non-believers around you live in in prosperity. Wouldn’t you envy that people? If the righteous are suffering but the sinner continues to prosper, won’t you envy the sinners and their prosperity? I personally remember Psalm 73, when I think that the righteous who are suffering and is jealous of the sinners who are prosperous. The psalmist Asaph saw the prosperity of the wicked and envied the arrogant (v. 3). Here, the prosperity of the wicked is “They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills” (vv. 4-5). They are “always carefree, they increase in wealth” (v. 12). That’s why they are arrogant and their greed knows no limits (vv.6-7). “They scoff, and speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression” (v. 8). They even oppose God with their mouths (v. 9). But there are many people who are getting their evil influences (v. 10). Asaph, the righteous man who saw this, was suffering all day long and had been punished every morning unlike the wicked (v. 14). That was why when Asaph saw the prosperity of the wicked, he envied them. To the extent in which he said, “Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence” (v. 13).
In Proverbs 23:17, the Bible says “Do not let your heart envy sinners.” What is the reason? I found the answer in verse 18: “Surely there is a future, And your hope will not be cut off.” Although this verse explains why we should always fear God, I thought in opposite way. In other words, the reason why shouldn’t envy sinners in our hearts is because the sinners have no future and hope. The psalmist Asaph understood the future of the sinners, “their final destiny”, when he entered the sanctuary of God (Ps. 73:17). What is their final destination? Look at Psalm 73:18-20: “Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies.” This is what David said in Psalm 37:1-2: “Do not fret because of evildoers, Be not envious toward wrongdoers. For they will wither quickly like the grass And fade like the green herb.” This is the end of the wicked. They will wither quickly like the grass and fade like the green herb. Their end is destruction. That’s why the Bible commands us not to envy the sinners with our hearts. Rather, the Bible tells us, "But live in the fear of the Lord always" (Prov. 23:17). Why is that? It is because “Surely there is future” for those who always fear God (v. 18). Here, the "future" means the "end." And the end of the believer refers to the afterlife (Park). In other words, the wise Christians who always fear God have hope of the afterlife that is eternal life. What is our hope of the future here? This is what Psalm 73:24 says: “… And afterward receive me to glory.” This is the hope that the Lord will receive us to glory. So the Bible says, "… the righteous has a refuge when he dies" (Prov. 14:32). I hope and pray that with this hope of the future life in the Lord, we always live in fear of God and not envy the sinners in our heart because they have no future or hope.
The second truth is that you must listen and be wise and direct your heart in the right way.
Look at Proverbs 23:19 – “Listen, my son, and be wise, And direct your heart in the way.” What does it mean by directing our hearts in the right way? For example, in verse 17, the Bible says, "Do not let your heart envy sinners." Directing our hearts in the right way means we make sure that our heart does not envy the sinners and their prosperity. Then how can we direct our hearts in the right way? The Bible teaches us that we must listen and be wise (v. 19) in order to direct our hearts in the right way. If we meditate on verse 19 with verse 17, the conclusions that we can get is that in order to direct our hearts in the right way we must always fear God and be wise. But if we are foolish, then we will despise wisdom and instruction (1:7). Here, if we despise wisdom and instruction, that means we don’t fear God. And if we don’t fear God, we do evil (8:13). Then we can never direct our hearts in the right way. And if we don’t direct our hearts in the right way, then we will leave our hearts to envy sinners (23:17). Not only that. If we don’t direct our hearts in the right way, then we will live in sin according to our sinful nature. .
What is the sinful instinct of our hearts? Although we can find many passages in the Bible, let me just mention three verses: (1) “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders” (Mt. 15:19), (2) “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, …” (Gal. 5:19-21), (3) “For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy” (2 Tim. 3:2). Here, one of our sinful natures is love of money. And this is what the Bible 1 Timothy 6:10 says: “For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” Do you know who loved money at the time of Jesus? It was the Pharisees (Lk. 16:14). When Jesus said, “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be devoted to one and despise the other You cannot serve God and wealth” (v. 13), the Pharisees scoffed at Jesus (v. 14). The lesson we can learn from here is that even if we are a very religious person in the church and people think that we serve the church very passionately, we can become lovers of money like Pharisees and commit sins against God with our covetous hearts if don’t direct our hearts in the right way by fearing God and be wise.
We all need to listen to the words of our Father God and be wise so that we can direct our hearts in the right way. In order to do that, we must listen to the Father God's words first diligently. Look at Proverbs 4:10-11: “Hear, my son, and accept my sayings And the years of your life will be many. I have directed you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in upright paths.” Through the Word of God, God teaches us the way of wisdom and of the right way. We must listen to His Word and receive His teachings humbly. In doing so, we can get wisdom. And when we get wisdom, we can fear God and can keep ourselves us from evil way. Also, we must keep the Word of God in our hearts and keep it. Look at Proverbs 4:4 – “Then he taught me and said to me, "Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live.” Not only we should hear and receive the Word of God, we also should keep it. When we put His Word in our hearts, we can direct our hearts in the right way. And in such right hearts, we will fear God and keep His Word and we can walk in the right way without leaning toward left or right.
The third truth is that you shouldn’t be with heavy drinkers of wine or with gluttonous eaters of meat.
Look at Proverbs 23:20 – “Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, Or with gluttonous eaters of meat.” We must not associate with immoral people of this world or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, or a reviler, or a drunkard (1 Cor. 5:9-13). Here, the Greek literal meaning of the word “do not associate” (v. 9) is ‘do not mix.’ In other words, the Bible teaches us not to mix with immoral people of this world or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, or a reviler, or a drunkard. Here, Apostle Paul wasn’t talking about unbelievers but believers. What Paul was talking about is that the Corinthian church saints shouldn’t associate with those believers who were continued to commit sins (v. 11) without any repentance. Paul wanted the saints to judge those believers who were having sinful influences to the Corinthian church saints and not associate with them. Actually, Paul told the saints to break the relationship with them. He even told them to remove them from among themselves (v. 13). In other words, Paul told the Corinthian church saints not only to break the spiritual fellowship with those believers but also the table fellowship with them (v. 13). Why is that? The reason is to continue to keep the purity of the Lord’s church.
In Proverbs 23:20, the Bible says, “Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, Or with gluttonous eaters of meat.” Here, who are those heavy drinkers of wine and gluttonous eaters of meat? They are people who enjoy the life of pleasure (Park). In other words, these are those who live a life of prodigal. Why does the Bible tell us not to associate with those kinds of people? One of the reasons is recorded in Proverbs 20:1 – “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, And whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise.” Why shouldn’t we associate with those heavy drinkers of wine? The reason is because wine is a mocker, strong drink is a brawler. We must not associate with those who are heavy drinkers of wine because they have no wisdom. Another reason is written in Proverbs 23:29-30: “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long over wine, Those who go to taste mixed wine.” The reason why we shouldn’t be with heavy drinkers of wine is because there are woe, sorrow, contentions, complaining and wounds to the heavy drinkers of wine. Not only that, the reason why we shouldn’t be with heavy drinkers is because our mind will utter perverse things (v. 33) and we will be without sensation (v. 35) and won’t be able to quick drinking. This is what Proverbs 23:21 says about the reason: “For the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe one with rags.” The reason why we shouldn’t be with heavy drinkers is because the drunkards will become poor. Why do drunkards become poor? The reason is because the drunkards will live a life of debauchery (Eph 5:18), will waste their own possessions (Lk. 15:13), and will be lazy and love to sleep (Prov. 23:21). That’s why the Bible keeps on saying ‘Do not get drunk’ (Eph. 5:18; Rom. 13:13; 1 Cor. 5:11, 6:10).
Then who are those gluttonous eaters of meat? (Prov. 23:20) They are those who eat greedily. What is gluttony? Gluttony is called one of the seven deadly sins. It is characterized by a limitless appetite for food and drink and overindulgence to the point where one is no longer eating just to live, but rather living to eat (Internet). Gluttony is a disorderly way of taking in the food that makes our thinking dull, weakens our control of reason, and declines the man’s dignity. Ultimately, drunkenness and gluttony are over-consumed that make us drowsiness and eventually make us poor (Walvoord). Therefore, the Bible tells us not to associate with those heavy drinkers and gluttonous eaters of meat. We must listen and be wise so that we can direct our hearts in the right way. We must walk on the right way, not the way of debauchery.
The fourth truth is that you should listen to your father and don’t despise your mother.
Look at Proverbs 23:22 – “Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old.” Are you, the parents, happy when you think about your children? When are you happy because of your children? Aren’t you happy when your children obey you? How would you feel if your children disobeyed your words? What would your heart be like if your children even despise you? Especially mothers, when your children ignore your words and even despise you, how would you feel? The Bible Proverbs 23:15-16 says that children who makes their parents’ glad and rejoice are wise children in heart and speak what is right). These wise children hear the words of their parents (vv. 19, 22). Even if the words of his parents are reproof, they humbly listen to their parents (25:12). And they get more wisdom and direct their hearts to the right way (23:19). They never let themselves go to the way of debauchery (v. 20). And the wise children don’t despise their parents because they are old (v. 22). But the children who despise their parents when they are old are without wisdom (11:12). They are fools. The reason they despise their parents is because they despise the word of God (13:13). Think about it. Although the Bible Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right”, the foolish children despise that word of God so they don’t obey their parents. The foolish children who are without wisdom not only don’t despise the word of God, but they also despise the wisdom of their parents’ words (v23:9) and don’t listen to their words. This is not right in God's sight. This is committing sin against God (14:21).
This is what Proverbs 17:25 says: “A foolish son is a grief to his father And bitterness to her who bore him.” The foolish children who despise their parents by despising the word of God are the grief to their fathers and bitterness to their mothers. They mock their fathers and hate to obey their parents (30:17). So they depart from the discipline and instruction of their parents (cf.: 1:8, 6:20) and are shameful and disgraceful children (19:26). But wise children make their parents glad (10:1, 15:20). They listen to their parents. The reason is because they respects and honor their parents. God has commanded us to obey and honor our parents in the Lord (Eph. 6:1-2). If we obey this word of God, God will bless us (Deut. 28:2). And we will make our parents glad and happy.
The fifth truth is that you should buy truth, wisdom, instruction, and understanding and don’t sell it.
Look at Proverbs 23:23 – “Buy truth, and do not sell it, Get wisdom and instruction and understanding.” Usually the mind of a business person is to buy things cheaply and sell them more expensive. The reason for doing so is to make profit for the business. However, I think there are at least two kinds of psychology in terms of people buying things. One is to buy something cheaply and the other is to get something that is really worth by making investment. In Proverbs 23:23, the Bible says to buy truth, wisdom, instruction, and understanding. Why does the Bible say so? The reason is because the value of truth, wisdom, instruction, and understanding is worth it. Look at Proverbs 4:7 – “The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; And with all your acquiring, get understanding.” What does it mean? It means that since wisdom is the best obtain wisdom at any cost. If we apply this word of Prover s 4:7 to Proverbs 23:23, the Bible say that we should buy truth, wisdom, instruction, and understanding, and don’t sell it because truth, wisdom, instruction, and understanding are the best. But as we already know, we cannot buy and sell the truth. Truth is to gain. But the truth was given by God in Jesus Christ to us as a gift. Look at Isaiah 55:1 – “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.” The Bible says ‘Come, who have no money. Come without money and without cost.’ What does it mean? It means that we make the truth our own even without paying anything. The reason is because Jesus already paid the price on our behalf. That’s why we have received the truth for free (Park). We must value this truth that we have received for free. And as the Proverb says, we must consider wisdom the best. So we have to do our best to get that truth and wisdom. We must pray to God in faith to understand the truth and gain more wisdom (cf. Jam. 1:5). And we must meditate the Word of God day and night. I hope and pray that we listen the truth and obey the truth so that we can gain wisdom.
We must become children of God who truly please our Father God. In order to do so, we must become God’s wise children (Prov. 23:15-16). And the wise children of God hear the five truths and obey them. Those five truths are: (1) The first truth is, do not let your heart envy sinner, but always live in the fear of the Lord (v. 17). (2) The second truth is that you must listen and be wise and direct your heart in the right way (v. 19). (3) The third truth is that you shouldn’t be with heavy drinkers of wine or with gluttonous eaters of meat (v. 20). (4) The fourth truth is that you should listen to your father and don’t despise your mother (v. 22). (5) The fifth truth is that you should buy truth, wisdom, instruction, and understanding and don’t sell it (v 23). I hope and pray that we may obey these five truths so that we can truly please God.