A wife and a friend
[Proverbs 18:22, 24]
Do you think meeting is the most important thing in your life? If you look at the article titled ‘The most important thing in life is meeting’, this is what it says: ‘To live means to meet. It’s meeting with parents, meeting with teachers, meeting with friends, meeting with good books, and meeting with many people. Human happiness and unhappiness are determined through meeting’ (Internet). What do you think of about this? My personal opinion is that the most important meeting in our life is meeting with Jesus. Also, meeting parents and teachers is important. But I think meeting with spouses is very important. The reason is because I think that the most important meeting after Jesus is the meeting with spouse. After that, meeting parents and children is important. In the meantime, I think another important meeting is a friend. The reason is because I think meeting good friends shapes our lives.
In Proverbs 18:22, 24, King Solomon talks about “a wife” and “a friend”. As I think about “a wife and “a friend” based on these two verses, I want to receive the lessons God gives us and obey them.
First, let’s think about “a wife”.
Look at Proverbs 18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” How do you, husband, view your wife? When you think of your wife, do you think, 'I am blessed by God'? Surely you aren’t thinking, 'I am cursed by God'? Haha. When I think of “wife”, I think of Proverbs 5:18-19: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” The lesson we had already received here was that we should bless our wives. How do we do that?
(1) We should rejoice in our wives.
Look at Proverbs 5:18 again: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” How should we husbands rejoice in our wives? We should always be satisfied with our wives. Look at Proverbs 5:19 again: “A loving doe, a graceful deer-- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” To always be satisfied with the wife means that we should be captivated by her love. In particular, we should be captivated by her virtues rather than her beauty. This is the meaning of the parable of the word “A loving doe, a graceful deer” (v. 19, Park). Then we will only enjoy the love of our wife, our “cistern” and our “running water” (v. 15), and will never forsake her and go to the harlot's house. In other words, when we attain satisfying refreshment, sexually and affectionately, satisfied by our wives, we will never miss the harlot's bosom and envy her love (v. 20). King Solomon says in Proverbs 5:16-17: “Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.” But how many husbands are now flooding their springs out of their homes and sharing them with others? How many men abandon their wives and go to another woman? Now, many husbands aren’t always satisfied with their wives and don’t rejoice in them. So they don’t admire their love (v. 19), but rather conspire with a harlot and embrace her breast (v. 20). In this way, when the men abandon their wives and become interested in other women, they are bound to taste the consequences of their sinful choice (vv. 7-14). Those consequences are lost strength (v. 9), lost time (v. 9), lost wealth (v. 10), loss health (v. 11), and pain in conscience (vv. 12-14). Therefore, we must know the consequences of this adultery and not be intrigued by harlots. Rather, we should always rejoice in our wives by being always satisfied with them.
(2) We must regard our wives as blessing God has given us (18:22).
Of course, King Solomon is not referring to any wife. The “wife” he refers to here is “an excellent wife” (12:4), “prudent wife” (19:14), or “A wife of noble character” (31:10). Look at Proverbs 31:10 – “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Such noble woman, a wise wife, is from the Lord (19:14). And he who has such wise wife is blessed and favored by God (18:22). In other words, the husband who has such wife as a spouse is the blessed man. The reason is because such wise wife is a blessing (a very valuable person) to him. But why don’t many husbands view their wives as blessing God has given them? What is the reason? One of the reasons is because she isn’t a wise woman, but “a disgraceful wife”. Look at Proverbs 12:4 – “A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” What does it mean? Who is “a disgraceful wife”? It refers to a woman who quarrels well with her husband (Park). Regarding this quarrelsome woman, King Solomon says: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (21:9), “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife” (21:19; 25:24). Maybe some of men want to make such excuse: ‘God didn't give me a wise woman, but a quarrelsome and angry woman as my wife. How can I regard such a wife as a blessed person?’ Sounds like a good excuse, isn't it? If I hear such a statement, I would like to tell him: ‘God didn’t give you a woman who was quarreling and angry. But because you chose such a woman, take responsibility and raise her to be a noble woman.’ Too many times, it seems that a man chooses to marry a woman who looks pretty and attractive to him, but later quarrels and angers and rejects the wise and noble woman whom God gives him. If he has made such a choice, he must take responsibility and dedicate himself to raise his wife as wise and noble wife. Too many men are saying and doing things that are so irresponsible to their chosen and married wives. They aren’t afraid to speak the cursing words to their wives, and are making their wives to feel that the wives are cursed by their actions. In short, many wives now live without being loved by their husbands. What a miserable woman’s life that is. We should see our wives as the blessings God has given us. Our wives are blessing God has given to us. We should rejoice at our wives, and always be happy with them.
Second and last, let’ think about “a friend”.
Look at Proverbs 18:24 – “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Have you ever felt proud and even bragged about having a lot of friends in your life? I did. When I was in my third year of high school, I was hanging out with a lot of friend. And I once boasted about 40 friends gathered at a cafe in a Koreatown to others. As much as that, I can remember that I even proudly boasted about having many friends. I'm not sure why I hang out with so many friends back then. It was just nice to have a lot of friend. But now, of those many friends, only about four are very close friends. In the end, I have only about one tenth of friends left. Haha. In Proverbs 18:24, the wise king Solomon says two things:
(1) King Solomon says that a man of too many friends comes to ruin.
Why is it comes to ruin to the man who has too many friends? I found the reason in Proverbs 14:20 and Proverbs 19:4 – “The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends” (14:20), “Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend deserts him.” The Bible says that the rich have many friends. However, in Proverbs 18:24, it is said that those who have many friends comes to ruin. What is the reason? The reason is because many of them are friends who have come to see their wealth (Park). Have you ever seen a person come to you and want to be friend with you before of your money? If “Yes”, then that person will leave you if you have no money. The reason is because he wants to see you money and be friends. I've experienced this a bit. When I was in high school, I was hanging out with lots of friends. And when I was on drugs, I experienced our friendship were being separated. In other words, some of my drug addicts have experienced clinging to a friend with a lot of money and being separated with those who have no money like me. In the end, King Solomon is saying that it would come to ruin if we have many friends who came just for our wealth. Isn't it interesting? How rich was King Solomon? Couldn't there be any of the thousands who approached him who saw his wealth and tried to be his friends? I think King Solomon thought of his experiences and said, “A man of too many friends comes to ruin” (v. 24).
(2) King Solomon says that “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (v. 24).
What does it mean? In short, it means that there are friends who are closer than a brother. Do you have a friend who is closer than your brother? Look at Proverbs 27:10 – “Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you-- better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.” The Bible urges us to enter the home of our friend or a friend of our father, who is closer than our brother far away when disaster strikes us. What is the reason? The reason is because the close neighbor (friend) is better than the brother far away. But what kind of friend is closer than the brother far away?
(a) A friend who makes my face shines.
Look at Proverbs 27:17 – “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” What does it mean? This is a metaphor for believers helping each other (Park). A friend who is closer than siblings is the friend who helps each other. Therefore, as he promotes his friend's progress, he sees that friend shine.
(b) A friend who gives earnest counsel.
Look at Proverbs 27:9 – “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.” Here, the earnest counsel of a friend means “the counsel of the soul,” which refers to exhorting a friend earnestly with love (Park). That earnest counsel also includes painful rebuke for the friend. Look at Proverbs 27:6 – “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” The friend closer than the brother far away is a friend who loves our souls and therefore not only gives heart-pleasing and loyal counsel, but also wounds our hearts with rebuke in love.
(c) A friend who lays down his life for me.
Look at John 15:13 – “"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” Jesus regarded us as friends and gave His life on the cross for our salvation. Where is a love greater than this? This is the love of the friend more intimate than the brother far away. The friend who lays down his life for us, this friend’s love is more intimate than the brother’s love.
He who has a wife is the one who is blessed and who is favored by God. God blesses us with our spouse in our lives. Not only that, but God gives us the blessing of friends as well. God also allows us to meet friends who are closer than our siblings. I hope and pray that you may have such blessings from God.