How should we raise our children?
[Proverbs 17:2]
How should we raise our children? I read an article from Christian Today under the heading ‘The principle is more important than the method of child raising’. The content of the article was from the book ‘The Family Principles that Decide My Child's Future’ (Internet). In this book, the author says that the parents must learn how to raise their children so that they may become experts and that the important thing is they must learn the principles of raising children well and apply them before they learn the child raising methods or skills. Also the author says that the parents should also set the principles of child discipline and training with consistent attitude and discipline and put them into practice. It seems that there are eight principles, one of which suggests two ways to pass on a healthy faith to their children. And two ways are education through an example and fun family time. When we set up these principles in raising our children, we can nurture our children emotionally and spiritually healthy.
In Proverbs 17:2, this is what King Solomon says: “A servant who acts wisely will rule over a son who acts shamefully, And will share in the inheritance among brothers.” Based on this Word, I want to think about three things that teach us how we should raise our children.
First, in raising our children, we must raise them as wise children of God.
Look at Proverbs 17:2: “A servant who acts wisely will rule over a son who acts shamefully, And will share in the inheritance among brothers.” As I continue to meditate on the Book of Proverbs, I gradually realize how important "wisdom" that the Bible talks about. In other words, God teaches me more about the value of wisdom through the words of Proverbs. Therefore, I pray to God for more wisdom. Moreover, I pray and think about how to nurture my wife and my three children with God's wisdom. So as I meditate on the Word of Proverbs, I think about James 1:5 more than before, and I hold onto that word of God and pray: “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” In Proverbs 17:2, King Solomon says that the wise servant will rule over the son who acts shamefully and will share in the inheritance among brothers. Here, King Solomon contrasts the son of the master who acts shamefully with the wise servant. One has the status of “son” and the other has the status of “servant”. Nevertheless, King Solomon says that the person with the status of "servant" will share in the inheritance of his master like the person with the status of "son". How is this possible? How can the person with slave status be able to share his master’s inheritance like his master’s son? That is because that the servant had the wisdom. When I think of this wise servant, I remember Proverbs 16:20. The reason is because this verse explains "wisdom": “He who gives attention to the word will find good, And blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.” What does this mean? It means that to be wise is to pay attention to the word of God. This is what the Bible Proverbs 19:20 says: “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days.” We can be wise when we pay attention to the word of God and receive the counsel and accept discipline of God. And the Bible says that a wise man will find good (16:20). And that good is that the wise servant will also share in the inheritance like his master’s son (17:2). But the foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him (v. 25). And in Proverbs 17:21, the Bible says “He who sires a fool does so to his sorrow, And the father of a fool has no joy.” Here the word “a fool” appears twice. The first “a fool” means “dull,” “thickhead” and the second “a fool” means “one who lack spiritual perception and sensitivity” (Walvoord). In other words, a foolish child is not only dull and thickhead, but s/he is also lacks spiritual perception and sensitivity. So s/he acts shamefully because s/he cannot discern God's will but lives on his own accord. Therefore, s/he is sorrow and pain to her/his parents.
If we have this kind of foolish child who is sorrow and pain to us, will there be any joy in our lives? That’s why we must nurture and raise our children well as God's wise children. In order to do that, I think we, the parents, first have to deal with at least these three things faithfully. And then hopefully we can apply the same principles to our children as well:
(1) We must pay attention to the word of God (16:20).
In other words, we must focus on the Word of God. And we must obey the voice of God as we meditate on the Word day and night. We must receive the commands of God which is the wise of heart (10:8). We must receive instruction and teaching through the Word of God. Then we will be wiser (9:9).
(2) We must walk with wise people.
Look at Proverbs 13:20 – “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” We must not associate with fools. The Bible Proverbs 14:7 says that we must leave the presence of a fool. Why is that? The reason is because we will not find knowledge on the lips of the fool (v. 7). If we make friends without leaving the fool we will suffer the pain. Rather, we must walk with the wise. Why is that? The reason is because we get wisdom when we walk with the wise (13:20).
(3) We must seek wisdom from God.
Look at James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” When we realize that we lack wisdom through meditation of the Word of God, we must seek wisdom from God even more.
Second, in raising our children, we must instruct our children to live righteously by God's grace.
Look at Proverbs 17:6 – “Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” Here, if we interpret the phrase “Children’s children are a crown to the aged” narrowly, it means that the grandchildren are the grandparents’ joy and dignity (Walvoord). However, if we interpret this statement somewhat broadly, it means that the descendants are a crown to their ancestors. And this suggests that the heritage of faith continues to be handed down from the ancestors to their descendants as the crown. Therefore, the ancestor's faith and godly influence manifest in love and respect for one another in the home, which also affects their offspring (MacArthur). In short, it means that when a child lives rightly by God's grace, that child becomes a glory to his/her father (Park Yun-sun). Furthermore, it means that when the children and the descendants live rightly by God’s grace, their ancestors will be honored. If we walk in the right way by God’s grace and become gray hair old men and women (16:31) and if we see our children and their children also walk the same right way by God’s grace, won’t that be our joy and glory? Of course, I know that raising children always doesn’t go as we think and expect. I know that no matter how hard and how well we teach and nurture the Word of God to our children by showing them the godly example of faith, the results may be that our children may disobey God and us. But if we think of this as the opposite, isn’t is totally God’s grace that our children live rightly even though we have not been able to nurture our children with the word of God and to show godly example of faith to them? So Dr. Park Yun-sun said: ‘We should keep in mind that even though the parents can teach their children well, the reason their children are obedient to God is only by God's grace.’ If our children follow our example and walk the right path by God’s grace, how much joy and glory is to us? If there are such parents who have been walking in the right path by God's grace, then they are pride to us (17:6). In other words, we, the children, should be proud of such parents. Isn’t it interesting do see that three generations appears in Proverbs 17:6 and the grandchildren are their grandparent's joy and glory ("crown") and the father is the pride of his children? The relationship of grandfather, father and grandson of family that can be joy and glory and proudness to each other like this is beautiful and very valuable. Don’t you want to build this kind of family in which all three generations love God and live righteously by God's grace, and therefore can be joy and glory and proud to each other? In order to do that, we, the parents, should teach our children well. We must nurture them with the Lord's discipline and instruction (Eph. 6:4).
Third, in raising our children, we must teach them the love of friends and the love of their brothers and sisters.
Look at Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” When we pray for our children I think one of the prayer topics is 'God, let our children to meet godly good friends.’ In particular, we who have children in school cannot help but pray that God may lead our children to meet not only good teachers but especially good school friends. When I pray for my church college students, I pray that God to allow them to meet not only good professors but also good roommates and good friends. The reason is because I want them to meet good friends of faith who can influence them so that their faith may grow. In Proverbs 17: 17, King Solomon says “A friend loves at all times.” What does it mean? It means that when we encounter crisis rather than when we are comfortable, our friend’s love toward us shines more and more. A good bible example is David and Jonathan. In the midst of the crisis that King Saul was trying to kill David, Jonathan loved David as himself. Look at Proverbs 18:24 – “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
What a precious friend s/he is who sticks closer than a brother? What a blessing this is if our children have this kind of friends? Then shouldn’t we teach our children first to be that kind of friends to others by teaching them the love of Jesus Christ? In order to do so, we must love our children with the love of Christ. By doing so, we must nurture our children who can give Christ’s love to their friends since they receive from us. In addition to this friendly love, we must teach our children brotherly love. If we look at Proverbs 17:17b, the Bible says “a brother is born for adversity.” What does it mean? This means that the brothers voluntarily help each other in times of trouble’ (Park). It teaches us that we should raise our children in a way that they can share the brotherly love and able to help each other voluntarily when their brothers and/or sisters are in difficulties. It is precious brotherly love when our children help each other when everything goes fine. But this is especially true when they are going through very difficult time in their lives. How can we teach this love to our children? I think we can do so by helping and loving each other as a husband and a wife when we are going through difficult times in our lives. And we must pray to God that our children can understand God's love more deeply, widely, and highly (Eph. 3:18).
We are taught three lessons about how to raise our children in the context of Proverbs 17:2: (1) We must raise them as wise children of God, (2) We must instruct our children to live righteously by God's grace, and (3) We must teach them the love of friends and the love of their brothers and sisters. I hope and pray that we may teach and nurture out children well by obeying these words and with these three biblical principles so that we may glorify God.