Why do you have an affair?

“Keep your way far from her And do not go near the door of her house.” (Proverbs 5:8)

                I still remember that when I was leading a premarital counseling class, one sister in Christ said that she expected her future husband would have affair once when they would get married.  I was shocked when I heard that.  I couldn’t understand how she could say that she would not only expect her future husband to have an affair but also she would accept that reality.  Maybe she might have thought that such a thing could happen to her future marriage because having affair was so prevalent in those days.  On the one hand, I was surprised to hear her word, but on the other hand, when I wondered why she said such thing, I thought that too many people had an affair.  Why does a man have an affair with another woman?  Why does a woman have an affair with another man?

            I found one of the reasons in Proverbs 5:8 – “Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house.”  The reason is because the man is close to the woman whom he should be far away.  In Proverbs 5:8, the Bible tells the man to keep to the path far from “her”.  Who is “her” here?  She is “an adulteress” (v. 3).  Why is the Bible telling the man to keep the path far from the adulteress?  The reason is because if he gets close to her, “she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword” (v. 4).  Of course, it is not like that at first.  Who will have an affair from the beginning, thinking of bitterness and pain?  However, what he doesn’t know is the fact that only bitterness and pain will remain afterwards.  If he knows this fact (only with his head) and still starts having affair, he will be awakened later when he taste its bitterness and pain.  Another reason to stay away from the adulteress is because if not, then “you will give your vigor to others And your years to the cruel one; And strangers will be filled with your strength And your hard-earned goods will go to the house of an alien” (vv. 9-10).  In fact, don’t we hear the news that those who had affair lost their honor and riches, and even got killed?  The man who sleeps with another man’s wife (6:29), that wife’s husband will show no mercy when he takes revenge because jealousy arouses his fury (v. 34).  “He will not accept any compensation; he will refuse the bribe, however great it is” (v. 35).  What would the jealous husband do to the man who had an affair with his own wife?  Will he not try to kill him?  Isn’t this thing actually happening?  Another reason why the man should not be close to the adulteress is because when he is close to her, at the end of his life he will groan, when his flesh and body are spent (5:11): “…  How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!  I would not obey my teachers or listen to my instructors.  I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly” (vv. 12-14).  Do you think someone who is having an affair will listen to your rebuke and admonition?  Look at Proverbs 6:27-28 – “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?  Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?”  The man who is having affair with another man’s wife is like a man who scoop fire into his lap.  He may say that the fire is his love for another man’s wife.  But he doesn’t know that he is destroying himself, blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away (vv. 32-33).  Nevertheless, the foolish man with no wisdom gets close to another man’s wife, whom he should be far away (cf. 7:7-8).  He keeps going to her house (v. 8).  It is also in deep dark night (v. 9).  But the wise man doesn’t go close to another man’s wife.  He doesn’t go to her house.  Rather, he is far from her.

I have found in Proverbs 5:15-19 the reason why the foolish man has an affair with another man’s wife.  To summarize the reason in one word, it is that he doesn’t love only his wife (v. 15).  To be more specific, it’s because he isn’t making his wife happy, nor does he rejoice with her (v. 18).  If he considers his wife loving and beautiful and is satisfied her breasts always and is captivated by her love (v. 19), he will never give another woman his affection, embrace her and have kids with her (vv. 16, 20).  

                We must become wise men.  We must love only our wives.  We should make our wives happy and should rejoice with her.  We should keep her loving and beautiful and be always satisfied with her.  And we must be always captivated by her love.  Then we will not have an affair.