The human relations of the wise
[Proverbs 3:27-35]
Are you having good relationship with others? Just think about it. Just think of the people whom you have good relationship with now. Who comes to your mind? Then think about a person whom you have a bad relationship with now. Who comes to your mind? One day, a member of the church shared that it was too difficult to have relationships with other members of the church. So from that time on, I started posting articles about human relationships on my personal Cyworld homepage. As I reread the article written on December 1, 2010 under the heading ‘Accept others,’ what I still agree with is that there are people around us who are very hard to accept in our relationships. How are we supposed to have relationship with those people who make us difficult and hurt our hearts? The Bible tells us to accept such people as well. How is this possible? I think the answer is in Romans 15:7 – “Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.” The more we realize that the Lord has accepted such sinners like us, the more we can accept even those who sin against us. In the end, when we get to know ourselves as we get to know God in our relationship with Him, the more we deeply realize the grace and love of God who accepted the chief sinners like us in Jesus Christ, the more we can accept and love even our enemies.
In Proverbs 3:27-31, King Solomon says five times with the command “Do not” (vv. 27, 28, 29, 30, 31). These five verses teach us how the wise are in relationships. We can summarize the words of these five verses into three groups (Walvoord). These three groups of words give us three principles of how we should build relationship with others. I hope and pray that we all receive God's lessons as we meditate on those three principles and apply them wisely in each of our lives to give glory to God.
The first principle of human relations of the wise is that we shouldn’t withhold good from those whom it is due.
Look at Proverbs 3:27-28: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it," When you have it with you.” When I read an e-mail sent by one of the church members, a person who is about to die generally regrets three things. The first of them is regret for not giving: ‘Whether those who live poorly or richly, when the time came to die, they regret that 'I could have lived by giving little more.’ Why couldn’t I share more and give more? Why did I try to gain more and grab more even though it was nothing? I lived so foolishly. When I keep thinking like this, this is my biggest regret’ (Internet). What do you think? Are you having these regrets right now? Dr. Jang Ki-ryo, who was also called Schweitzer in Korea, has dedicated his life to the Lord's love and service, and love and service of neighbors. It is said that he died in the arms of God at the age of 85 at around 1:45 a.m. on Christmas Day on December 25, 1995. At that time, the Korean media said that he was called ‘Living Little Jesus’ (Internet). As a doctor, he said, as he promised, ‘I will devote myself to those who are dying without seeing a doctor,’ his life was full of caring for the poor, abandoned, and neglected. From Pyongyang to Busan, at the hospital where he stayed, poor patients were said to have been able to meet him at any time. It is said that it was not once or twice that the Busan Gospel Hospital tried to operate as a free medical institution. But even after switching to a fee because there was no financial capacity to handle the influx of patients, he left the back door open so that the poor patients openly left the hospital. By doing so, he had troubled the hospital staff many times. In a word, the late Dr. Jang Ki-Ryeo lived a life of endless giving. What a beautiful life is this? Don't you want to live like this?
In Proverbs 3:27-28, King Solomon says that if we have power to do good, then don’t withhold good to those who are in need, those to whom it is due. In other words, we who can afford should help the poor in need. What is the reason? This is because God's purpose is to help others (Park). Therefore, we must quickly help our poor neighbors who are in trouble by realizing this purpose that God has made us to afford. In other words, we must not say “Go and come back, And tomorrow I will give it” (v. 28) to someone who is in trouble even though we have the power to help now. Think about it. How urgent is it when someone in need comes to us, who can afford to do good, and asks for help? Although we may be able to afford ourselves, our neighbors in trouble don't. Therefore, the Bible is telling us not to withhold good from those who are in need and help them quickly from their standpoint. I have applied this lesson to the relationship between an employer and an employee. For example, from the standpoint of a store owner, when there is financial margin, I think that he must stand in the position of the employee he hired and pay the employee at that time, whether it is weekly or monthly salary. What is the reason? The reason for this is, first, because the employee is the one who deserves his salary. In fact, the literal translation of Proverbs 3:27 is: “Do not withhold good from its owners” (Walvoord). What does it mean? It means that the employer must pay the money that his employee earns from working for a week or a month because that money is no longer his but his employee’s. Another reason is that the employer who can afford to live should pay his employee’s wages at the time when he supposes to, whether weekly salary or monthly salary because his employee cannot afford to live weekly or monthly with his salary. If you are an employer, think in terms of an employee. If your employee worked hard, whether it was a week or a month, and he didn’t receive the wages at that time as much as he worked, how would you react if you were the employee? If you don't get the wages you deserve from your employer and you have to continue working, will you still work for your employer? If you are struggling with the wages you received for a week or a month, what would you do if you knew that the weekly or monthly salary was not paid by the employer who could afford it? That is why Deuteronomy 24:15 tells us this: “"You shall give him his wages on his day before the sun sets, for he is poor and sets his heart on it; so that he will not cry against you to the LORD and it become sin in you.”
This is what the Bible Proverbs 19:6 says, “Many will seek the favor of a generous man, And every man is a friend to him who gives gifts.” We must give to our neighbors with generous heart, especially to those who deserve it. But when I look at myself, I cannot get rid of my thought that I am truly stingy in giving. And when I reflect myself why I am so stingy, I admit that the cause is my selfishness. And I admit that the cause of my selfish heart is because I am not experiencing and deeply understanding God's grace and love. Filled with God's grace and love, God's love should flow through me to my neighbors. But I asked God for forgiveness at the prayer meeting because my selfish heart hides the glory of God. I want to live a life of giving like Dr. Ki-Ryeo Jang. I want to serve my neighbors who are in need, in pain and suffering with the heart of Christ. I want to dedicate myself to making eternal friends in the Lord by living a life of generosity.
The second principle of human relations of the wise is that we must not harm others without cause.
At last week's Wednesday prayer meeting, we learned the first principle of how to wisely build relationships based on Proverbs 3:27-28. The first principle is, ‘We shouldn’t withhold good from those whom it is due.’ Look at Proverbs 3:27-28 again: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it," When you have it with you.” I would like to go over three important points here once again. The three points are (1) We all have the power to give, (2) We must know who are those to whom it is due, and (3) We must not withhold good but give quickly. After meditating and sharing these three points, I lived for a week and God helped me to apply them in my life in many ways and gave me some understanding. There are three examples. The first example is the realization that when we all consider the point that we all have the power to give, we mainly think that we give financially. But besides that, we can give a word of warm comfort to our neighbors with the love of God. In my life for a week, God made me to receive e-mails and phone calls of consolation with God's love, making me realize that we all have the power to give the warm words of comfort. Another example is that in marital relationships, I have come to realize that a wife deserves love from her husband, and that the husband deserves respect from his wife. This realization came to me through a brother’s reply of my meditation sharing of the word of God that I meditated after last Wednesday prayer meeting via e-mail. And it's a realization that applies to my own marital relationship. The third and final example is about speed. It is true that there are lots of things that require patience in relationships. But after living for a week, I came to realize the lesson that sometimes I should be quick in loving others. In a word, I learned a little bit about Proverbs 15:23: “… How good is a timely word!”
Look at Proverbs 3:29-30: “Do not devise harm against your neighbor, While he lives securely beside you. Do not contend with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm.” When we enter into human relationships, there are many times when we misunderstand each other and the relationship gets worse due to the misunderstanding. One of the things that happens then is the breakdown of trust in each other. When trust in each other is broken in a relationship, we no longer open our hearts and don't share our hearts with the other person. Therefore, we can no longer have deep relationship. Another phenomenon is that as the misunderstandings deepen, we don’t end up breaking trust. But by becoming enemies, we may slander each other and even plot to harm each other. That’s why King Solomon says, “Do not plot harm against your neighbor, who lives trustfully near you” (v. 29). The phrase “lives trustfully” here refers to the neighbor who lives by our side and gives us sense of trust. The Bible says that we should not plot harm to this trustworthy neighbor. Also, the Bible tells us not to accuse a trustworthy neighbor for no reason when he has done you no harm (v. 30).
As I meditated on these words, I remembered what King Ahab in 1 Kings 21 had done to his neighbor Naboth, who was living near his palace. Although Ahab, king of Samaria, told Naboth that he would give him a better vineyard than Naboth’s in its place or give him the price of it in money (v. 2), because Ahab wanted a Naboth’s vineyard which was near his palace, Naboth refused. The reason why Naboth refused was because “The Lord forbid me that I should give you the inheritance of my fathers” (v. 3). So Queen Jezebel, Ahab’s wife, conspired and killed Naboth, a reliable neighbor who was living according to God's will (vv. 8-13). Queen Jezebel, a helper for her husband, helped King Ahab by killing Naboth, a faithful man of God, in order to satisfy her husband’s greed. How evil is this sin in the sight of God? What do you think of the sins of King Ahab and Queen Jezebel who killed their neighbor Naboth, who was obedient to God’s word and faithful, and took away his vineyard? Was this sinful incident of conspiring and killing a trusted neighbor, Naboth, happened only in the days of King Ahab? Not at all. Even now, this thing is common. Satan doesn’t want us to live in a trusting relationship with our close neighbors. The reason is because Satan doesn’t want us to obey Jesus’ commandments and love one another. Therefore, Satan is striving to somehow break the trust relationship between us and our close neighbors. One of those ways is that Satan deceives a third person and uses him to separate our relationship. Satan is breaking the relationship of trust by putting lies in him. What should we do? Shouldn't we continue to be truthful and faithful because we trust God completely?
We must be Christians who give confidence to our neighbors. More broadly, we should be trustworthy people who give them sense of trust in all relationships. In order to do this, we must become true Christians who live according to God's will (word). We should not be the ones who say to other that we go to church but who misunderstand the people around us, harm them, and blame them and blaspheme them. In particular, we should not make foolish words and actions that break our trust with our relatives, friends, or co-workers who know that we are Christians and who trust us. We must be very careful. In particular, we must not forget that this is a spiritual war, recognizing that there is a constant delusion of Satan in the process of loving our neighbors. And in order to win this spiritual war, we must fully trust in God. And we must commit ourselves to trust our close neighbors as we trust in God. We must devote ourselves in trusting them by trusting God even if our neighbors later misunderstands us, scolds us behind us, and condemns us and even betray us. God will direct and guide our relationships. As believers in Jesus, I hope and pray that all of us can give confidence to our neighbors.
The third and last principle of human relations of the wise is that we should not envy a man of violence.
I think the most enjoyable, joyful, and happy relationship among human relationships is a husband and wife relationship. At the same time, I think that the most sad, distressed, and unhappy relationship among human relationships is the husband and wife relationship. So, while the couple is the best encourager to each other, they are also the worst discourager. What should be done in the marital relationship? How can we become the married couple who glorifies God? As I meditate on the words of Proverbs 3:27-31, I would like think about the third principle of human relations to marital relations in addition to the two principles that have already been meditated on. I hope and pray that all the married couples who obey the word of the Lord and build the Lord-centered relationship so that we can glorify God.
(1) We should not withhold good from those whom it is due.
Look at Proverbs 3:27-28 again: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it," When you have it with you.” I have already applied this lesson to the relationship between employers and employees. Today, I would like to apply this lesson to marital relationships. We, the husbands, should not withhold good from our beloved wives who are worthy of our love. In particular, we should abandon the idea that since our wives are our closest wives, we can show more love to others than our wives. How can we say that we love our neighbors when we don’t even love our wives properly? Another of our many excuses, I think, is that our wife should respect us to be loved by us. But obviously, Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” It is not that we love our wives because our wives deserve to be loved by us. Rather, we should love our wives just as Jesus loves the church. Our wives are the ones who deserve our love. Therefore, we should know our wives as the one who deserves to be loved and should not withheld good from them. Then what should wives do to their husbands? They must respect their husbands. They should give respect that their husbands deserve. Of course, the reasons why wives don't respect their husbands could be: ‘How can I respect my husband when he doesn't use words and actions that deserve me respect?’ Ephesians 5:24 tells wives to obey or respect their husbands in everything, just as the church does to Christ. Therefore, the Christian wives should respect and obey their husbands as they do to the Lord.
(2) We should not harm others without cause.
Look at Proverbs 3:29-30 again: “Do not devise harm against your neighbor, While he lives securely beside you. Do not contend with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm.” The closest neighbor who gives us confidence near us is our husbands or our wives in marital relationship. However, the problem is that in marital relationship, Satan instills doubt and distrust in each of us to break the trust rather than give each other trust. Therefore, we, the couples, often quarrel and fight over small things. It all starts because we misunderstand each other for a little thing. And while we misunderstand each other, I think we don't know how to talk to resolve the misunderstanding. As a result, we no longer open up our hearts and share our hearts with the other, as our misunderstandings break our trust in each other. Therefore, we can no longer have deep relationship. However, the problem doesn’t end there. When misunderstandings accumulate in our hearts, the accumulated misunderstandings grow and lead to dissatisfaction, complaining, and distrust. Therefore, even the smallest things, we quarrel and fight with the explosion of anger accumulated. Eventually, the husband and the wife develop into an enemy relationship, not a marital relationship. What should we do? What should we do to our wives, and wives to us? We should not quarrel with one another without cause (v. 30). Also, we should not be such a couple who conspire and harass each other without cause. Rather, we should be the closest neighbors that give each other trust. In order to do this, we must obey the will of the Lord, who is the Lord of our marital relationship, and live uprightly. Then the wife can trust her husband and the husband can trust his wife. Even if we don't, we trust the Lord, so we must commit ourselves to trust each other.
(3) We should not envy a man of violence.
Look at Proverbs 3:31 – “Do not envy a man of violence And do not choose any of his ways.” As we live in this wicked world, there are times when we are envious of the prosperity of the wicked, sinners, and wicked people (Prov. 23:17; 24:1, 19). As a result, we may stumble while envying the prosperity of the wicked (Ps. 73:1). By asking the question, ‘How can we who believe in Jesus suffer, but the violent, sinners and wicked people can prosper?’, we can stumble enough and commit sins against God by following the wicked. However, in Proverbs 3:3, King Solomon tells us not to be envious of the violent man, and not to follow any of his action. Why should we not be envious of the violent man, nor should we follow any of his actions? What is the reason? In Proverbs 3:32-35, the Bible tells us four reasons (Walvoord). Considering these four reasons, I would like to apply them to marital relationships.
(a) This is because God detests a perverse man.
Look at Proverbs 3:32 – “for the LORD detests a perverse man but takes the upright into his confidence.” The first reason we should not be envious and follow the deeds of the perverse man while seeing the prosperity of the violent man and the wicked is because God detests him. What excuses do we have for this obvious reason? That's why it's simple and obvious. Because God detests the perverse man, we don’t follow his deeds and be envious of the wicked. Rather, we must be upright. What is the reason? The reason is because God loves the upright. And it is because only the upright can have deep fellowship with God.
We face a crisis of honesty. Not to mention other relationships, we have faced the crisis of honesty in our marital relationship that we have become one body in the Lord. The reason is because we are envious of the rebellious and treat each other with rebellious heart rather than honestly. That is why we don’t have deep fellowship with the Lord, and cannot share deep fellowship with each other. This is by no means the marriage relationship the Lord wants us to have. The relationship that the Lord wants for us is a relationship of deep fellowship in the Lord. In order to do that, we must abandon rebellion and choose honesty. In other words, we should be honest with our wives as we are with the Lord. The same goes for the wives. Just as we are honest with the Lord, our wives should be honest with us. Then we can have deep fellowship in the Lord.
(b) It is because God curses the wicked.
Look at Proverbs 3:33 – “The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous.” In Proverb, King Solomon repeatedly urges us not to be envious of the prosperity of the wicked (Prov. 23:17; 24:1, 19). What is the reason? The reason is because God cursed the house of the wicked (3:33). Although the wicked seem to eat well, live well, and prosper on this earth from our human point of view, the Bible says that their end is ruin and destruction (Ps. 73:18-19). But the Bible tells us that God blesses the righteous (Prov. 3:33). Therefore, as those who have been justified by believing in Jesus Christ, we should rejoice in the suffering of the righteous rather than envious of the prosperity of the wicked. What is the reason? The reason is because our Jesus suffered too. And the reason is because it is the grace of God that we suffer with Jesus (Phil. 1:29).
We hate pain. Which couple would like to suffer? Therefore, there are times when we envy the prosperity of the wicked. But the Bible says clearly that God not only detests the wicked, but also curses them. However, the Bible says that God not only loves the upright, but also blesses the righteous. Therefore, we, the couples, should share in the suffering of one righteous man rather than envy and pursue the prosperity of thousand wicked people. What is the reason? The reason is because it is grace to share in the sufferings of the Lord as one body (v. 29). God will bless us if we can use God's grace as one body and live the lives of the righteous and suffer for the Lord.
(c) It is because God mocks proud mockers.
Look at Proverbs 3:34 – “He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.” As we have already meditated on in Proverbs 1:26 and learned that when we hate to be reproved by God (v. 24) and, on the contrary, neglect all His teachings and don’t want His reproof (v. 25), we will face disaster (v. 26) and God will laugh at our calamity and when our dread comes (v. 26). In this way, when we are proud and hate to hear God's rebuke and despise it, God will laugh at us. In Proverbs 3:34, King Solomon makes a similar statement. God laughs at the proud. The Bible says that God laughs at the proud who don’t receive God’s rebuke, but rather despise it, and seek their own glory, not God's glory. Therefore, we should never be proud. Rather, we should be humble. Why? The reason is because God gives grace to the humble.
We, the couples, should be wary of pride. Satan puts pride in our hearts, turning us into selfish people who demand love or respect from each other at a higher position rather than to serve each other humbly. We must fight this Satan’s temptation. In order to triumph in this spiritual battle, we must look to Jesus, who is humble and obedient to Heavenly Father's will until He died on the cross (Phil. 2:5-8). Therefore, we should consider each other better than ourselves (v. 3). And not only should we each look out for our own interests, but also for the interests of our spouses (v. 4). Then the Lord, who is our joy, will make our joy complete (v. 2).
(d) It is because God holds up the fools to shame.
Look at Proverbs 3:35 – “The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.” The violent man and the wicked are guilty of sin, but they don’t feel shame. The reason is because their conscience is paralyzed, and their faces are also a brazen face. But the problem is that we Christians who are committing the same sin over and over again are increasingly unaware of shame. Not long ago, when I read an article on Christian Internet news, I saw an article and a photo where a pastor was working together in a large Christian group, exposing the money election of an older pastor of the same denomination, and presenting a tape recorded as evidence. I saw it and lost a word to say. But what made me more not to say anything was the appearance of the pastor who reveals that fact, sitting in a chair holding an evidence recorder. It was never a humble form that feels shame. A foolish and stupid person is not only unable to regard sin as a sin while he is sinning against God, but also he isn’t ashamed after committing shameful things. We should not be like this. We Christians need to be ashamed. We must not become such a foolish Christian who is unable to feel shame after committing a sin. Rather, we must all become wise Christians. When God rebukes us, we must humbly become wise men who are rebuked by God. And when God reveals our sins, we have to be shameful. Therefore, we must be all those who repent of our sins and return to God to receive glory as an inheritance.
We, the couples, should be people who can feel shame in front of God and our children. It is truly a shame that we don’t love each other, hate each other, don’t respect each other, disobey each other, and don’t feel shame before God and our children. We must be ashamed. Particularly, the reason why we feel no shame when we quarrel and fight in front of our children is because our conscience is truly paralyzed and our faces are brazen faces. Realizing this, we must humbly come before our Heavenly Father to confess and repent of our sins. The wise people hear the Spirit’s rebuke with the word of God that pierces our conscience and obey it and goes to Heavenly Father to repent of our sins. Then we will inherit honor (v. 35).
We learned the three principles of human relations given in Proverbs 3:27-25 under the heading “The human relations of the wise”. The first principle is that we shouldn’t withhold good from those whom it is due. The second principle is that we must not harm others without cause. And the third principle is that we should not envy a man of violence. The reason why we should not be envious of the violent man is that not only does God detest the violent man and curses him, but also God mocks proud and holds the fools to shame. Rather, we must be upright whom God loves, and we must be righteous who are blessed by God. And we must be humble and wise who inherit honor. In particular, I applied these three principles to our marital relationship. The reason for doing so is because many couples around us suffer from marital conflict. The couples quarrel and fight each other, and even say words in anger and hurt each other's hearts. The married couples aren’t honest with each other, envious of the prosperity of the wicked in the world, and even try to control each other in arrogance rather than humbly serving each other. Also, the couples are foolish that they aren’t only refuse to listen to the Lord's reproof, but also refuse to listen to each other's reproof of love. What should we do? We, the couples, should generously show each other the love and respect we deserve. The husband deserves respect from his wife, and his wife deserves love from her husband. Also, we should be trustworthy people to each other. And we should be honest with each other. Also, rather than envious of the prosperity of the wicked, we should share with each other in the suffering of the righteous. We should consider each other better than ourselves and serve each other humbly. And we must be wise couples. Therefore, we should all dedicate ourselves to establishing the Lord-centered marital relationship. We pray that we will become couples who can reveal the aroma of Jesus' love, how different couples we are who believe in Jesus in this age of soaring marital divorce rates.