“Remember, O Lord”
[Psalms 25:1-7]
I have an unforgettable memory. And that memory is about my first baby, Charis. On April 29, 1998, after I finished my church ministry, I went to the Los Angeles Children's Hospital where my first baby Charis was hospitalized. And Charis’ doctor came up to me and asked me to make the most difficult decision in my life: ‘Do you want your baby to die quickly or slowly?' After the doctor had done her best, she asked me that question because there was nothing she could do anymore. At that time, I answered her to let Charis die slowly. When I think about why I asked the doctor to let my baby die slowly, I think it was my greed that I wanted her to live even though the baby must had been very painful. The next day, April 30 Monday morning, I meditated on the words of Psalms 63:3 with my wife and then told Charis’ doctor that we would let our baby Charis dies quickly. And then I called here and there so my parents, my older and his wife and my sister came to the hospital ICU and we worshiped God together. After worship, it held my baby Charis in my arms for the first and the last time. And she fell asleep in my arms. She died peacefully. Today that memory especially came to my mind.
We all have our own memories. Although we may have many good memories, we may have more bad memories: wounded memories, painful memories, etc.. All of us probably have painful memories from the past that we don't want to remember, and the wounded memories that we try to forget. These are painful memories that we want to hide and keep in our mind so that no one may know them. But these memories, which we don't want to see or tell anyone, may seem to have been forgotten by ourselves over time, but in the end, there are times when those memories are reminded by another painful event. At those times, we try to suppress those painful memories again and again. If we are living that way, we should listen to what Henry Nauwen said in his book “The Living Reminder”: ‘By not trying to confront our painful memories, we are missing out on the opportunity to mature as we change our minds and repent.’ Only those who are truly courageous to face their wounds and their painful memories will not miss the opportunity to mature as they change their minds and repent. If we are not mature, maybe our problem is due to the painful memories that are still in our hearts. Perhaps we are missing out on our own growth and maturity opportunities because we don’t change our hearts and repent in the face of those memories. We must open our closed hearts to God. It can only be opened by faith. It is our sinful nature not to open the door of our hearts to God by not believing in God's healing. Therefore, we must open our hearts and repent our sins of not believing in the power of God. The real healing process is to constantly remembering our painful memories again and reconnect them with the Jesus’ painful memories. When we reconnect them, the God’s work of healing will begin in us.
When we look at Psalms 25:6, this is how the psalmist David prayed to God: “Remember, O LORD, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses, For they have been from of old.” Have you ever prayed to God, "Remember, O Lord"? I don’t think I ever prayed like that before. I think this David's prayer is strange prayer. God is God of compassion and of lovingkindness, how did David pray to God to remember His compassion and lovingkindness? Why did he pray to the Lord and ask the Lord to remember His compasison and lovingkindness? This was because David himself remembered the Lord’s compassion and lovingkindness. He wanted to receive the Lord’s mercy as he repented his sins. He remembered the Lord’s compassion as he prayed for not to be disciplined by God because of his sins. Also, he remembered His lovingkindenss because he longed for His forgiveness.
Then, I want to think about what do those who remember the Lord’s compassion and lovingkindness will do in four ways:
First, those who remember the Lord’s compassion and lovingkindness lift up their souls.
Look at Psalms 25:1 – “To You, O LORD, I lift up my soul.” The psalmist David lifted up his soul in the midst of the persecution from his enemies and those who dealt treacherously without cause (vv. 2, 3). It’s not easy to lift up our souls to the Lord. This is what Dr. Park said, ‘It is not easy to lift up the soul. Since the soul is in a stagnant state, unable to turn to God, as if it were low on the ground, because of the sins that are deep inside of the soul.’ I have to agree. When I think about what's wrong with the soul that can't turn to God, the soul that's stuck low on the ground, I have to admit that it's because of 'my sin.' Because of our sins that don’t repent to our holy God, we cannot lift our souls to Him. But Prophet Jonah lifted his soul to God. Prophet Jonah confessed that it was on account of him the great storm had come upon the people on the ship (Jonah 1:12). And he prayed to God in the belly of the big fish (Jonah 2). This is what Jonah prayed in Jonah 2:4 – “… I have been expelled from Your sight Nevertheless I will look again toward Your holy temple.” Jonah determined to look again toward the Lord in the belly of the big fish. A soul who confesses his sins and repents can look to the Lord again like Jonah. But an unrepentant soul will not and cannot look to the Lord.
To say that “I lift up my soul” means that David trusted in the Lord completely (Ps. 25:2). This is what John Calvin said about prayer: ‘The biggest hindrance to prayer is that the mind is shaken back and forth, knowing that there will be help outside of God’ (Calvin). When there is disturbance in our hearts, we cannot lift up our souls to the Lord. It’s because we keep thinking of other people and things other than the Lord. What is the problem? The problem is the doubt that exists in our hearts. This is what Apostle James said about doubt: “But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind” (Jam. 1:6). Then, what do those who trust in the Lord do? They wait for the Lord (Ps. 25:3). In other words, David waited patiently in the hope of the Lord while trusting solely on the Lord and looking up toward Him (Park).
Second, those who remember the Lord’s compassion and lovingkindness want the Lord’s protection.
Look at Psalms 25:2-3: “O my God, in You I trust, Do not let me be ashamed; Do not let my enemies exult over me. Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed; Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.” David prayed for the Lord's protection in difficult situations, persecuted by enemies and deceivers (vv. 2, 3). Here “Do not let me be ashamed” means David asked the Lord to to prevent him from failing, that is to protect him (Park). David asked God to protect him and to take care of him in the situation of extreme oppression by his enemies. David didn’t take any revenge to overcome those who had oppressed him with his own power, but he trusted only God. This is the attitude of the saints (Park). Do we have this attitude? If we have this faith attitude that depend entirely on God, without attempting to repay the enemy with our own strength will not be ashamed by our enemies. Rather, God makes our enemies or “Those who deal treacherously without cause” that is, those who deceive us in vain to be ashamed (v. 3, Park). We may feel this or that failure when our enemies deceive us with lies and make us to suffer. The feeling of failure may appear in our minds as a doubt, and as a result, our hearts can be shaken, so we can depend on ourselves or others rather than on God. So we must pray to God to protect our hearts. We must pray for God’s protection of our hearts so that we will not fall into the lies (deceptions) of our enemies.
Third, those who remember the Lord’s compassion and lovingkindness want the Lord to teach them His truth.
Look at Psalms 24:4-5: “Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.” David's enemies (v. 2), that is, “Those who deal treacherously without cause” (v. 3), unreasonably made lies and deceived and persecuted truthful David with lies. At that time, David not only sought God’s protection, but also asked God to teach him the truth. Here, “Your ways,” “Your paths,” “Your truth” are all synonymous. In a word, it means the Lord’s will. Satan, our enemy, uses lies and deception to confuse us regarding the Lord’s will. And Satan, through his servants, confuses us with the Lord's will. Therefore, we desperately need the Lord’s compassion and lovingkindness. How many times do we confuse the Lord's will and do our own will? That is why we absolutely need the Lord’s compassion. And, like David, we also absolutely need God's lovingkindness. This is because God shows us His will in His lovingkindness. In order to know God’s will, we need God's revelation (v. 4). We cannot understand the word of God unless God reveals it so that we can understand His word. According to Matthew 16:17, after Jesus heard Peter's confession “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God,” He said “Blessed are you, Simon Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.” We cannot understand the Lord's will unless God teaches us (Ps. 25:4-5). That was why David prayed like this: “Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name” (86:11). Only by God's guidance can we realize the will of the Lord (25:5).
Fourth and last, those who remember the Lord’s compassion and lovingkindness want the Lord to forgive their sins.
Look at Psalms 25:7 – “Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions; According to Your lovingkindness remember me, For Your goodness' sake, O LORD.” David remembered and repented his transgressions of youth to God while looking to God in the midst of the persecution by his enemies. Persecution and hardship rather lead us to God. And as we go to God, our sins are revealed before His holy presence, not only the present sin, but also the past sins of our youth. So David prayed to God and asked Him to remember His compassion and lovingkindness.
There is such sayings in an article by Lu Gurung' in his writing ‘Looking out from One Step’: ‘Remembering only what is grateful: Strangely, what I am disappointed is rarely forgotten but what I am thankful is furtively forgotten. Conversely, I remember for a long time that I gave something to others, but I easily forget that I hurt others. If we remember being helped or favored by others, and forgetting the resentment of others, our lives will be much more free. It's a short life to only remember what we are thankful.’ Let us all live in memory of God's compassion and lovingkindness. Let's lift up our souls to the Lord. Let's move forward as we ask the Lord to protect and teach the truth to us and forgive us for our sins.
As I remember God’s compassion and lovingkindness,
James Kim
(With thanksgiving heart for God’s compassion and lovingkindness in my 9 years married life with my beloved wife)