We must thoroughly feel our want.

“The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want"(Psalms 23:1).

On New Year's Day January 2, 2006, during family relatives worship service, I remembered the words of Psalm 23:1.  This is because my grandmother, who already went to heaven, liked Psalms 23.  As I meditate on Psalms 23, there is the new insight given by the Holy Spirit.  The insight is that we have to feel thoroughly want.  So I proclaimed and prayed to my own soul: ‘My soul, you James, must thoroughly feel your own want!'

There is no want for the sheep who have the Lord as the Shepherd and follow His voice by hearing and obeying Him.  But if we are like sheep that have gone astray, have turned to our own way (Isa. 53:6), we have no choice but to confess like this: ‘Even though the Lord is my shepherd, I am in want because I have gone my own way.’  A good example is the prodigal son of Luke 15.  He left his father's house and went on his own way and went wrong to live a vain life (Lk. 15:13).  Then, after he had spent everything, “a severe famine occurred in that country, and he began to be impoverished” (v. 14).  He was thoroughly experiencing want.  So the prodigal son said, “How many of my father's hired men have more than enough bread, but I am dying here with hunger!” (v. 17)  If we hear the voice of Satan, the voice of the world, the voice of the environment, or our own emotional voice and disobey the Lord's voice, then we will surely experience want.  And we need to experience it thoroughly.  The reason is that if we don’t thoroughly feel our deficiencies, we will not turn to the Shepherd Lord.  Just as we must be thoroughly destitute and seek the abundant grace of the Lord, we need to be thoroughly want to seek God's abundance in our want.

 As a pastor, I was troubled by my own deficiency since before Christmas 2005.  In the New Year's Worship in 2005, I started with the weakness and lack of my physical body, but in the New Year 2006, the lack of my own personality and of the inner person began to grow.  Therefore, I have no choice but to rely on the Lord more and more, and have longed for the power of prayer, the power of the Holy Spirit, the power of the gospel (the Word), and the power of love.  But I am still far away from fill with those powers.  I still don't feel my want and deficiency thoroughly.  Even if there is pain and suffering, I want to thoroughly feel my lack and my want.  Therefore, I sincerely hope and pray that I will fulfill the pastoral ministry without deficiency and want by relying more on the Lord and obeying His will.

With wish to thoroughly feel my want and lack,

James Kim

(Praying to be satisfied with only the Shepherd Lord)