God who has indignation
“God is a righteous judge, And a God who has indignation every day."(Ps. 7:11)
Yesterday afternoon, I took my son Dillon and went to Dillon’s school with my two daughters, Yeri and Yeun. When I was waiting at the school yard, I saw Yeun playing with another Korean child and hitting the another child. So I encouraged Yeun to ask the another child for forgiveness by saying "I am sorry". However, Yeun didn’t listen to me and was stubborn. Then, in the end, Yeun cried in front of me. Even so, I couldn't just go beyond Yeun's wrong doing, no matter how reasonable her reason was in hitting the another child. If Yeun took my advice and said "I am sorry" to that another child, I would have forgiven her. But Yeun was stubborn and didn’t listen to my advice. Yeun didn’t ask for forgiveness. So I had to discipline her. Then Yeun cried louder. When I was going to take Yeun and go to that child, Dillon came out of the school. After we met Dillon, I held Yeun in my arm and walked toward that child. And I gave Yeun another chance to ask forgiveness to that child, but Yeun didn't listen to me and didn’t ask for forgiveness. So I asked that child for forgiveness instead of my daughter and stroked her head.
As I thought about this that happened yesterday, I thought about my relationship with Heavenly Father during this morning prayer meeting. I thought about Heavenly Father disciplining me as His child when I don't listen to Him and don’t repent after I have sinned. However, in Psalm 7:11, the Bible says that God is not just God who disciplines us, but God who has indignation every day. I think this Bible verse can make us wondering. The reason is because we have image of our Heavenly Father who is love, rich in mercy and compassionate and son on. But the Bible says “God is a righteous judge (v. 11) and if we don’t repent (v. 12), He “has indignation every day” (v. 11). From that point of view, I wonder if it was the right thing to give Yeun the small discipline of love in my small anger. But rather than that point of view, I think of Yeun who was standing in front of me, and I think I acted like Yeun in front of Heavenly Father. Instead of listening to God’s rebuke and to repent my sins that is so clear since God sees them (like I saw Yeun hitting another child) to my Heavenly Father, maybe I am crying in front of Him, like Yeun did in front of me, and trying to manipulate Heavenly Father and thus committed greater sin. I reflect myself and think whether I am stubborn before Heavenly Father and am refusing to acknowledge my sins like Yeun was before me. What I see in this self-reflection is that I see that yesterday Yeun in me.
As I meditated on the words of Psalms 7:11 in this morning prayer meeting, I thought that my image of Heavenly Father was a little out of balance. So I thought about angry God when I don’t repent my sins. When I did so, the understanding that I got was me Heavenly Father loves me so much that He has indignation in order to make me a clean and flawless child. I feel my Heavenly Father’s love for me even in His indignation every day toward me in order to make me to repent my sins and to be His sanctified child.
With thanksgiving for the love of my Heaven Father who has indignation every day,
James Kim
(While feeling sense of responsibility to show Heavenly Father’s image and love to my family and the church saints)