Weakness is an opportunity

I became a pastor without knowing anything.  My experience of associate pastor is only one year.  It is also an experience that I have been serving as a pastor for only one year while my father is serving as pastor in Victory Presbyterian Church where I grew up all along.  And after one year, I was burnout and disobeyed my father’s word and fled to Korea like Jonah.  When I went to Korea, I served as an educational part-time pastor in Seohyun Church, responsible for English Ministry and newly wedded couple group.  And I only served there about two years and nine months.  Of course, I know that being a pastor is not just an experience.  But that was how much I was lack in not only experience but a lot of thing.  In year 2003, the Lord gave me the promise of Matthew 16:18 through the guest speaker at the church renewal pastor association retreat, so I came back to Victory Presbytery Church again.  And my father retired and I became a new senior pastor.  It is already more than 15 years ago.  When I think about the past years, I still remember what my wife said to me: 'James, you have changed'.  My wife told me that I changed after I became a senior pastor.  Not only I didn’t deny what she said, but I couldn’t deny it.  That's because I knew I was different.  For some reason, the position of being a senior pastor seemed to have made me into someone else.  When I saw myself, I couldn’t speak with my brothers and sisters in the Lord as before, and I couldn’t even have fellowship with them.  Instead, I stayed in my shepherd room most time.  So I wondered why I was like that.  I couldn’t believe what the senior pastor position could do to me.  I think one of the reasons was the pressure being a senior pastor.  I think there were many mental pressures in particular of being senior pastor.  As a senior pastor, I felt more responsibility than ever, and I felt that I had a lot of pressure on myself.  Often I had more things to worry about and a lot of stress that made my heart very heavy.  To put it another way, there were a lot of daily pressure before me and even now too.  And yesterday night as I was preparing for the Morning Prayer meeting, I happened to read 2 Corinthians 11:28.

                In 2 Corinthians 11:28 we can see that Apostle Paul facing daily pressure.  It was a concern for all the churches.  Paul had intense concern about the weak believers led into sin.  Look at 2 Corinthians 11:29 – “Who is weak without my being weak? Who is led into sin without my intense concern?”  In such Paul’s intense concern and worries, there was fear.  Paul was afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, Satan might tempt the believers to be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ (v. 3).  He was afraid that the believers might depart from the true gospel of Jesus Christ that he preached and might accept a different gospel (v. 4).  The reason why he had to worry about this was because there were false apostles who disguised themselves as apostles of Christ and were deceiving the church members (v. 13).  Since Satan disguised himself as an angel of light, it wasn’t surprising for Paul that if his servants also disguised themselves as servants of righteousness (vv. 14-15).  And Paul was afraid that Satan and his servants would deceive the believers and would make them to depart from the truth and their faith.  Because of this, there was the daily pressure on Paul of concern for all the churches (v. 28).

                We the senior pastors must have this kind of pressure.  We must have this daily pressure of concern for our church members.  We must worry and be afraid that disguised Satan and his servants may deceive our church members, especially those who are weak in faith, and make them to depart from the truth and their faith.  Of course, besides this concern, there are many other concerns when we are in ministry.  But what we need to worry about most is their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Our greatest interest must be in their salvation.  We should be very interested in whether our beloved brothers and sisters in Christ are standing firm in their faith.  In doing so, I am sure there are many worries and fears because of the daily pressure of concern for them.  But I believe that the Lord will restore our souls and will refresh us.  The Lord will bring revival in our hearts. 

                Apostle Paul was afraid that there might be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder among the Corinthian church saints (12:20).  Also, he was afraid that they might be impurity, sexual sin and debauchery in which they had indulged (v. 21).  Furthermore, after these sins, Paul was afraid that he would be grieved over many who had sinned earlier and had not repented (v. 21).  Because of these concerns and fears, Paul’s heart was pressured.  In the meantime, Paul realized his own weakness.  And he went further and boasted his weakness (11:30).  In addition to boasting, Paul delighted in weakness for Christ’s sake (12:10).

                I wonder how we can boast and rejoice our own weakness when we face daily the pressure of our concern for our church.  Personally, I often feel discouraged and distressed in disappointment by myself when God reveals my weaknesses.  Whenever I experience this, I speak the word of God Psalms 43:5 to my soul: “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God ….”  Sometimes, my soul is still downcast and my heart is still discouraged even though I pray according to Psalms 43:5.  Then my heart hurts and I l refuse to be comforted by anyone.  However, the Bible says that Paul boasted his weaknesses and rejoiced (11:30, 12:10).  How is this possible?

When there is daily pressure on our concern for the church, we should consider doing these seven things:

(1)   Pray:

When our heart is depressed due to anxiety and worry, we must come to God in prayer by realizing and acknowledging our own weaknesses.  When we go to God in prayer, we must come to God in faith that God's power is perfected in our weakness.  And we must seek for the full power of God.  And we must seek his sufficient grace.

(2)   Put your hope in God:

We can be discouraged and despaired by the weakness of our hearts that is being pressed down and is pressuring us.  Nevertheless, in despair we should make it an opportunity to seek God.  Like the psalmist, we must cry out to our own soul, “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God” (Ps. 43:5).  In other words, we must look to God in anxiety and discouragement.  Our hope is only the Lord Jesus Christ.

(3)   Preservation:

When we are concerned about the faith of our dear brothers and sisters in Christ in the church, we must offer them to God in prayers.  We must believe that God will protect them from false pastors and false teachers.  The church is the Lord’s church.  The Lord builds His church (Mt. 16:18).  And the Lord will protect His church.

(4)   Press on :

This is what Paul said in Philippians 3:14 – “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  Outwardly, Paul considered preaching the gospel more important than his life (Acts 20:24).  Inwardly, he existed in this world for the progress and joy of the faith of the church saints (Phil. 1:24).  Even when we are pressured due to our concern for the church and the saints, we must press on toward the goal sense of calling and mission.

(5)   Perfection:

The Bible says, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Mt. 5:48).  In addition to ourselves, we must seek for the perfection of our brothers and sisters in Christ who have become one in the Lord.  By the power of God being perfect in our weakness, we must seek for the perfection of our Heavenly Father.  The church of the Lord must be perfect.

(6)   Persevere:

Even when we have pressure in our hearts by concern for the church, we must be patient and persevere.  Since the Lord has promised to build His church (Mt. 16:18), we must pray as we hold onto that promise Word and be patient, persevere and wait in expectation.  It will certainly bear fruit of patience and perseverance.

(7)   Praise:

When our hearts are pressed down with concern for the church, we can praise God for the Lord builds and governs His church.  We should praise God with gratitude for his grace of salvation.

Apostle Paul was able to boast of his weakness when his heart was pressed down by his concern for the church because he had tasted God's sufficient grace in his weakness (1 Cor. 12:9).  In other words, Paul boasted and rejoiced in his weakness because he knew that God's power was made perfect in weakness (v. 9).  Therefore, Paul boasted all the more gladly about his weaknesses (v. 9).  He boasted of his many weaknesses, “so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (v. 9).  Therefore he could confess: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal. 2:20).  Paul, who served the church by relying on God’s power that was made perfect in weaknesses, laid down all his weaknesses, emptied himself and served the Lord with God’s sufficient power that was perfected in his weaknesses.  Like Paul, I want to serve the church as the Lord fills me with His power as I boast and rejoice in my weaknesses.

Relying on God's sufficient power when I am weak,

Pastor James Kim