The right relationship of the Christians
“He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip. He who curses his father or his mother, His lamp will go out in time of darkness. An inheritance gained hurriedly at the beginning Will not be blessed in the end. Do not say, "I will repay evil"; Wait for the LORD, and He will save you” (Proverbs 20:19-22).
How should we be in good relationship with others as Christians? Don’t you think that sometimes having good relationship with other people is beyond your capacity? I think there are people around us who are very hard to accept and to build relationship with. The relationship is very difficult because there are people who make us hard and hurt our hearts. In particular, those who are working will know how difficult relationship is as they work with their bosses and co-workers. One study found that there are two major workplace difficulties. One is the difficulty of work and the other is the difficulty of human relations. But here, the difficulty of human relations is twice that of work. What do you think?
When I think about the right relationship of the Christians, it reminds me Proverbs 3:27-25. As I meditated on that passage, I learned three principles about the relationship of the wise:
(1) The first principle about the relationship of the wise is that we shouldn’t withhold good from those to whom it is due.
Look at Proverbs 3:27-28: “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it," When you have it with you.” When it is in our power to do it, we shouldn’t withhold good from those to whom it is due. We shouldn’t say to our neighbor to go and come back, and we will give it tomorrow.
(2) The second principle about the relationship of the wise is that we shouldn’t contend with another person without cause.
Look at Proverbs 3:29-30: “Do not devise harm against your neighbor, While he lives securely beside you.
Do not contend with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm.” We shouldn’t start an argument and contend without cause.
(3) The third principle about the relationship of the wise is that we shouldn’t envy a man of violence.
Look at Proverbs 3:31 – “Do not envy a man of violence And do not choose any of his ways.” The reason is because God detests a perverse man (v. 32), His curse is on the house of the wicked (v. 33), He mocks proud mockers (v. 34) and He holds up the fools to shame (v. 35).
In Proverbs 20:19-22, we can think of three lessons about the right relationship of the Christians that God teaches us:
First, we shouldn’t associate with a gossiper.
Look at Proverbs 20:19 – “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip.” Here, a person who talks a lot is a person who goes about as a slanderer. And the person who goes about as the slanderer reveals secret. S/he especially reveals other person’s confidential information. In fact, s/he is a gossiper. The Bible tells us not to associate with the gossiper (v. 19). Then why shouldn’t we associate with the gossiper? The reason is because such a person reveals the secrets of others (v. 19, 11:13). In other words, the reason we shouldn’t associate with the gossiper is because such a person loses trust. In addition to this reason, reading the book of Proverbs teaches us another reason why we shouldn’t associate with the gossiper. And the reason is that gossiper causes quarrels. Look at Proverbs 26:20 – “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.” Another reason is that gossiper separates close friends. Look Proverbs 16:28 – “A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.” Don't you think that the gossiper who likes to talk about other people stirs up dissension and separates close friends? Not only the gossiper separates close friends, but also siblings and even the couple relationship. How does the gossiper separates them? They do so by lying. Look at Proverbs 6:19 – “a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.” Therefore, we shouldn’t associate with the gossiper.
Second, we shouldn’t curse our parents.
Look at Proverbs 20:20 – “He who curses his father or his mother, His lamp will go out in time of darkness.” When you hear this word, won’t you think in your mind that who will curse their own parents? However, in the original Hebrew, the word "curse" means not only "curse" but also "belittle" (Vine). That means that the phrase “He who curse his father or his mother” can mean ‘He who belittle his father or his mother’. Now, doesn't that change the problem? Although we have never cursed our parents, we may have belittled them. We may have esteemed them lightly, underestimated them and despised them. This is what Matthew 15:4 says: “For God said, 'Honor your father and mother' and 'Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.'” In the Old Testament, those who curse their parents or belittle them violate the command of “honor your parents,” which is the fifth commandment of the Ten Commandments (Exod. 20:12). The penalty for the violation is stated in Exodus 21:17 – “Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death” (cf. Lev. 20:9). One commentator says that this punishment not only applied to those who curse their parents, but also those who rebel against their parents (Walvoord). In Proverbs 20:20, the lamp of he who curses his father or his mother will go out in time of darkness refers to death (Walvoord). Therefore, we shouldn’t curse our parents, but rather we should bless them. And we shouldn’t belittle our parents but value them highly. We should also respect and honor them without disregarding them.
Third, we shouldn’t revenge.
Look at Proverbs 20:22 – “Do not say, "I will repay evil"; Wait for the LORD, and He will save you.” If someone has hurt us in a relationship, our nature is to repay him for the pain we've suffered. In fact, we prefer the word “hate your enemy” rather than “Love your neighbor” (Mt. 5:43). It’s our nature to “Show no pity: life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot” (Deut. 19:21). So God tells us in Proverbs 24:29 – “Do not say, "I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did.” Also Proverbs 20:22 says “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’.” That means that even the other person hurt us, we shouldn’t hurt him or her back. Don’t we say that if we do that, we will be the same person? If we are true Christians, shouldn't we be different from the people in this world? One of the things that we should be different is waiting for God instead of repaying evil (Prov. 20:22). In order to understand what it means to wait for God we must look at Romans 12:19 – “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” The reason why we should wait for God instead of repaying evil is because it is God’s to avenge and not us. Therefore, we must wait and believe that God will repay for us. This is what Deuteronomy 32:35 says: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” What does it mean? It means that revenge is God's. Look at Nahum 1:2 – “The LORD is a jealous and avenging God; the LORD takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The LORD takes vengeance on his foes and maintains his wrath against his enemies.” When it is time for God’s vengeance (Jere. 51:6) God will repay for us. Therefore, we must not repay. We must believe in God and wait. God will take revenge and deliver us in God's time.