How should we build our family?

“so she said to Abram, "The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her." Abram agreed to what Sarai said” (Genesis 16:2).

We must build our family on the Rock, Jesus Christ.  We must do so in order to build the body of Jesus Christ on the Rock.  In order to do so, we must find the principles of building family in the Bible and follow those biblical principles.  There are, of course, many principles in the Bible about building a family.  Typically we have Ephesians 5-6, Colossians 3:13-4:1, and 1 Peter 3:1-7.  But I would like to meditate on the biblical principles of how to build our family based Genesis 16:2.  I hope and pray that this meditation may help in building my family and your family as well.

In Genesis 16:2, we can see Sarai, who was barren and had no child (11:30), telling her husband Abram to go into her Egyptian maid Hagar in order to have a baby (16:1-2).  Sarai's intention was that her husband Abram would sleep with Hagar and have the child to build a family.  So Abram went in to Hagar, and she conceived (v. 4).  And when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress Sarai was despised in her sight (v. 4).  So Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done me be upon you I gave my maid into your arms, but when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her sight May the LORD judge between you and me” (v. 5).  It doesn’t make sense.  Sarai is the one who told Abram to go in to her maid Hagar.  But when Hagar was conceived and despised Sarai, Sarai blamed on her husband Abram.  At that time, Abram said to his wife Sarai, “Behold, your maid is in your power; do to her what is good in your sight” (v. 6).  Eventually Hagar had to flee from her mistress Sarai (v. 8).

The more I think about this story, the more I think that both Abram and Sarai disobeyed the biblical principles of the marital relationship.  In other words, Sarai didn’t respect her husband Abram, and Abram didn’t really love his wife, Sarai.

First, Sarai disobeyed the biblical principle of marriage, which is to respect her husband Abram (Eph. 5:33).

How can we know that Sarai didn’t respect her husband Abram?  If Sarai feared Abram, then she should trust him and followed him.  In other words, if Sarai respected Abram then she should be submissive to Abram (Eph. 5:22-24).  She should have waited patiently by trusting Abram and what he said about the promise of God's blessing to Abram (Gen. 12:1-3, 7; 15:4-5) but she disobeyed out of unbelief.  She didn’t believe God’s promise words to Abram, that is “To your descendants I will give this land” (12:7), “one who will come forth from your own body, he shall be your heir” (15:4), “So shall your descendants be” (v. 5).  Instead, she tried to have a baby through her maid Hagar by making Abram to sleep with her.  Although God promised that “one who will come forth from your own body” (v. 4), Sarai didn’t believe God and His promise and performed according to her own will and plan rather than God's will and God’s plan.  God's will was that giving His promise to Abram when he was 75 years old (12:4), and giving his son Isaac 25 years later which was when Abram was 100 years old.  But Sarai couldn’t wait for 25 years.  So when her husband Abram was 85 years old (10 years after Abram received the promise word of God), Sarai tried to have a baby and build her family by telling Abram to go into her maid Hagar.  So Hagar gave birth to Ishmael.  Sarai tried to build her family according to her plan which was to make Abram to sleep with her maid Hagar in order to have the baby instead of the Lord’s way to building the Abram’s family, which was to have Isaac through Abram and Saria.  In short, Sarai didn’t build Abram’s family by faith.

Second, Abram disobeyed the biblical principle of marriage, which is to love his wife Sarai (Eph. 5:25-28).

How can we know that Abram didn’t truly love his wife Sarai?  If Abram truly loved Sarai, then he would have led her to the truth.  But when Saria told him to go in to her maid Hagar, he obeyed her (Gen. 16:2).  The wife Sarai supposed to listen and obey her husband Abram.  But it was other way around.  Abram obeyed Sarai.  Why was this wrong?  Surely Abram received the word of God's promise, “one who will come forth from your own body, he shall be your heir” (15:4).  If Abram truly believed God and His word of promise, he should have rejected if by faith when Sarah told him to go into her maid instead of obeying her who tried to build the family through Hagar.  He should have rebuked Sarai in love, ‘You foolish woman, why don’t you believe in God who has promised to give us heir through you, not your maid?’  When I think about Abram who listened to Sarah and obeyed her, it reminds me Adam.  It is because when Eve gave some of the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil to her husband Adam, he ate it (Gen. 3:6) instead of rebuking her and of rejecting her offer.  Adam refused to lead his wife Eve.  As a husband, he didn’t demonstrate his leadership.  And that’s why Abram did too.  He didn’t demonstrate his leadership.  He should have led his wife Sarai but he refused to do so.  Instead, he was led by her.  He obeyed her wrong words (Gen. 16:2).  If Abram had truly loved Sarah, he should have refused to listen to the words of Sarah's unbelief, and should have rebuked her in love.  And then he should have led her to the truth.  But Abram didn’t do that.  He loved his wife outside the truth.  This love has no meaning.  If he just tried to avoid conflict with his wife and to keep the family peace by obeying her wrong word of unbelief, this is a big mistake.  Love that is not based on truth cannot keep the family peace.  In short, Abram didn’t build his family with true love.

In order to build our family, we must be faithful to the biblical principles God has given us, no matter what circumstances we are in.  The wife should fear her husband.  She should respect her husband.  The wife who respects her husband obeys her husband's words as she does to the Lord.  The wise wife who builds her family by faith submits to the husband's authority (the divine authority God gave to her husband, not authoritarianism) and follows her husband's lead.  By doing so, the wise wife edifies her husband.  How about husband?  The Holy Spirit-filled husband who builds his family by faith loves his wife as Jesus loves the church.  Because he loves her with Christ’s love he leads her in truth.  He doesn’t hear the words of his wife's unbelief and agrees with them and obey her.  Rather, he rebukes her because he loves his wife.  Therefore, he edifies her and builds her up by the truth and to the truth.  When the couple is faithful to the biblical principles of building their family in the Lord, and the husband builds his wife, and the wife builds her husband, then our family will be able to stand firmly on the Rock Jesus Christ.