Forgiving your spouse (2)

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6: 14-15).

The wounds and bitterness in our hearts keep us from seeing what we are doing good to each other and seeing only what we are doing wrong to each other.  The more we see such wrongs, the more we judge each other and even criticize and condemn each other.  There is something here that we don’t understand well.  To judge, criticize, and condemn each other is that we are putting "self-righteousness" on one another.  For example, when we don’t forgive our spouse who has been wronged and hurt us, but rather treat our spouse with hurt and bitterness in our own heart, so that we judge (criticize) our spouse by saying that ‘S/he is wrong and I am right’.  By saying so, we want to be acknowledged that we are right before God.  As a result, we don’t feel the need to ask God for forgiveness because we are proud and don’t understand the sin we are committing against God.  Then what is the sin that we are committing against God?  It is a sin that we aren’t forgiving our spouses.  Yet, in our wounds and bitterness, we are judging, criticizing, and even condemning our spouses by looking at their wrongs and sins.  How would God see that?  And what about our spouses’ hearts who receive such judgment, criticism and condemnation from us?  Our spouses will be hurt by feeling that they are not being loved by us.  And, because of the hurt, they won’t only forgive us but won’t be able to do so.  What will happen to us who refuse to forgive each other?  The wounds and bitterness in our hearts will continue to be accumulated.  Then one day they will blow up against each other and our marital relationship will be broken.