Habitual criticism

In the words of ‘never’ or ‘everyday’ that many couples use during conversation, the blade of attack that hurts the other's feelings is hidden. 

One evening a wife said to her husband, ‘Since you are always sitting in front of the TV, I am sure your life is comfortable.’  The husband lifted his head and said, ‘Aren’t you more comfortable than me since you are just staying home and doing nothing?’

From this time on, there was a fierce battle between the couple.

But if the husband said, ‘Is it unpleasant to your eyes that I am sitting in front of the TV?’,

then the conversation between the couple would have had a good result.

This is the way to obey the Scriptures

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (Jam. 1:19).

It is a good idea to repeatedly ask what the other person said in order to develop a habit of listening to the other person's words.

In fact, it is not easy for anyone to listen quickly and to speak slowly.

But if we respond instantly without thinking, we will lose our objectivity and will try to defend ourselves that will cause conflict.

The goal of the conversation between the couple is to maintain the relationship of love, not to win the controversy.

For example, when the husband comes home and takes off his socks and throws them into the living room, his wife can say ‘Honey, I'm getting worried about throwing your socks off’ instead of criticizing him and complaining.

Then the husband will look at his wife instead of responding immediately and think for a moment (Internet). 

I thought this internet article was talking about me and my wife.

Wife: ‘You are always sitting down in front of the TV.  You must be comfortable.’

I: ‘Don’t you feel more relaxed all day at home?’

Of course I don’t say like that to my wife.  One of the reasons is because my wife works.

Since my wife is working full time, she cannot stay at home all day.

Nonetheless, I often commit my own habitual sins of criticizing my wife in my mind even though she works at her workplace, at our home, and at our church.

If I look at the criticisms, I see myself not loving my wife deeply but conditionally.

I can’t understand why my wife complains about me sitting down in front of the TV

and have free time and she can’t have free time when I help her housework.

I don’t feel very happy about my wife, who gives me the impression that

‘I am doing something terribly wrong’ by watching TV.

So I get angry, not outwardly but inwardly.

I can hear so many criticisms in my head that seem like they will not stop.

Although I know that this is sinning against God, it is often not easy to stop it.

This is a painful thought fight.

In the midst of these inner struggles, the grace that God gives me is that He enables me to look at Him rather than my wife and reminds His Words.

This meditation exercise is to overcome the thoughts of sinful criticism by God's thoughts, the Word, in the inner struggle. Of course, there are many time I lose the battle.

When I think about why I lose the battle, I think it is because I respond to my wife’s complaints with my emotions instead of meditating the Word of God and looking at God in my thought (inner) battle.

That’s why in my thought and even in my words, the sounds of criticism and of anger come out.

That’s why I cannot but confess that the Word of God is true: “slow to become angry” (Jam. 1:19).

As the indwelling Holy Spirit enables me to control my anger,

I can overcome my habitual criticism when I am led by the “Fact” (His Word) instead of my angry “Feeling”.

I hope and pray that I can express my habitual praise and love to my wife rather than habitual criticism.