Pre-Murder Syndrome (PMS)

                In his book “Love & Respect”, Dr. Emerson Eggerich talks about "Premenstrual syndrome" as "Pre-Murder syndrome" (Eggerich).  What is Premenstrual syndrome?  “Premenstrual syndrome, or PMS, refers to the physical and psychological symptoms that females experience in the week or two leading up to their menstrual period.  Headaches, bloating, cramps, and mood swings are among the most common PMS symptoms” (Internet).  For a man, his wife's premenstrual syndrome is like a "Pre-murder syndrome" as Dr. Eggerich says.  The reason is because the woman cannot tolerate her husband's even small mistakes and criticize her husband when she is going through premenstrual syndrome.  What the woman doesn’t know is that her husband interprets her criticism as though she is despising him as a man (Eggerich).  He listens to his wife's criticism for not respecting him (Eggerich).  When the woman goes through her premenstrual syndrome and when she has conflict with her husband, her voice can get louder.  But as her voice get louder and louder, then her husband will be more silent.  Then she will think that he doesn’t love her because he is silent.  So her criticism toward her husband can get louder and louder and she may spit out unwanted poisonous words.  The man can be deeply hurt while listening to his wife's poisonous words.  And he takes the wound to the inside.  In the midst of that, he feels more and more incapable of himself, avoiding any further clashes with his wife.

                Apostle John said in 1 John 3:15, “Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.”  I think that when the woman pours on criticisms to her husband during the premenstrual syndrome, it is ‘murdering’ him.  Of course, she can say that she doesn’t hate him.  But in the end she hurts her husband deeply with her words because she cannot control her tongue in her temper.  Moreover, she is making her husband to think that she doesn’t respect him.  Apostle James said in James 3:8, “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.”  Of course, the man also can hurt his wife’s heart deeply in anger with his tongue that is full of poison.  But the woman is also the same.  Both man and woman should control their tongues.  They must not murder each other with their tongues.  This is what the Bible says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Prov. 12:18), “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (15:4).  

The couple should not say any reckless words that pierce each other’s hearts like a sword.  Especially the woman should not pour out reckless words to her husband because she goes through premenstrual syndrome.  The deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.  The wise wife doesn’t criticize her husband recklessly even when she has premenstrual syndrome.  She controls her heart and mouth in following the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, even in the premenstrual syndrome, the wise wife makes a good memory of love by obeying the God's word of respecting her husband.

Let us seek Pre-Memory syndrome rather than Pre-Murder syndrome.