Man's behavior that drives a woman crazy
Man's behavior that drives a woman crazy (1)
- Why does a man constantly offer solutions and give advice?
["Why Men Lie & Why Women Cry"]
The man is solution-oriented. As the man hits a moving target as a hunter in the old days, the part of the man's brain that is called ‘visual-space’ area has been developed intensively. And because of this brain development, the man has the ability to hit the moving targets and solve problems. That’s why the man measures his success by his own accomplishments, problem-solving abilities and so on. So, even in the 21st century, the man is still trying to define his existence and value with his ability to solve problems and achievements. That’s why the man likes to be asked for advice from another man, and may even think of it as honor. But when the woman gives the man unilateral advice even though he didn’t ask for it, he feels insulted - 'She sees me as an incompetent man who cannot even solve a problem.' The man tends to solve problems with his own strength. And he doesn’t usually open up his heart and tell his problem.
But the woman who doesn’t know this is frustrated and even gets angry because the man doesn’t share his problem with her. And she even thinks that her husband doesn’t love her. So she tries to talk to him as much as she can, but she gets the feeling that she is talking to the wall. The woman wants to share her feeling with him. So she demands his sympathy for sharing her feelings with him, but her husband misunderstands that she wants a solution from him. That’s why he is always presenting the solution and advising his wife before hearing her story all the way. At that time the woman is frustrated and goes crazy. How should we balance this difference between man and woman? Here, I want to think about only the man’s responsibility.
First, the husband must realize that his wife wants to share her feelings. And when she opens her heart and shares her felling, he has to put down his solution-oriented instinct and actively listen to his wife's words. And he should try to feel what she is feeling. Of course this is not easy. But first he must close his mouth and open his ears to her sayings. Not only feeling is not understood by logic, but also it cannot be. If he tries to listen to his wife in a logical way of thinking, he will be continually urged to present solutions to her. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t make a sense at all. She just wants to feel that her husband is sharing her feelings while listening to her words. At that time, the husband must express his respect for her feelings, rather than opening his mouth and tell her a solution. Of course, it must be expressed in nonverbal as well as verbally (ex, hugging her). Then, when she seems to need advice, he can give her a gentle counsel. And it’s better to do it when she asks for it. The reason is because the woman needs to be led by her husband. However, he must respect his wife's feelings and advise her in a gentle manner.