What woman wants (6)

 We already know that the woman wants "love" from her husband when she is asked what she wants from her husband.  We already know that the she wants “Christ’s love” from her husband because in Ephesians 5:25 the Bible says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.”  But there is a fact that we do not know.  It is the fact that, like Emerson Eggerich 's word, ‘respect is part of love’ to the woman.  In other words, when the woman says she wants receive love from her husband, it means that she also wants her husband to ‘respect’ her.  The fact is every woman wants her husband to respect her and value her.  Thus, Apostle Peter exhorts the husbands in 1 Peter 3:7: “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”  The husbands should treat their wives with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with them.  In doing so, nothing will hinder their prayers.  After all, the husband is a man who values​​his wife (Eph. 5:29).

                But the problem is that the woman is not being respected and valued by her husband.  Why doesn’t the husband respect and value his wife?  The reason is because he lacks the knowledge of God.  In other words, it seems like he knows the word "God is love" (1 Jn. 4:8, 16) but he doesn’t know that in God’s sight his wife is precious and honored (Isa. 43:4).  The Lord is the Lord who loves us, the church, and who considers us precious and we are honored.  So when Apostle Paul said, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church …” (Eph. 5:25), the word "love "implies that husbands should consider their wives precious and honor them.  Therefore, the husband should love his wife, consider her precious and honor her, knowing and experiencing that the Lord loves him, considers him precious and honor him.

How then should the husband respect and cherish his wife?  It is necessary for the husband to let his wife know that she is the most important person to him.  The reason is that the woman wants to be the most important person to her husband (Eggerich).  However, it seems that there are many times when the husband gives his wife the idea that his work is more important than his wife since he is work-oriented.  In addition to work, sometimes the husband gives his wife the feeling that his hobbies such as, watching movies, playing golf, etc., are more important than his wife.  Of course, if you ask all the husbands, I am sure no one will say that their hobbies are more important than their wives.  But the reason my wife feels that way is because her husband lacks the commitment to 'sacrifice' his work and hobbies for her.  I think the wife seem to have a scale in her mind.  So she seems to be measuring whether her husband values her more that his work or hobbies or not.  Therefore, the husband should let his wife know in many ways that she is the most important person to him.

I tell my wife that she is the most important person to me like this.  For example, I often tell my wife "You are the best wife".  Then my wife listens to my confession of love with her heart.  And then my wife experiences that I love her and respect her.  I often think 'What if my wife is not there anymore’ and remind myself how she is important to me.  I am experiencing the providence and the work of God in my family life and ministry because my wife is with me.  That’s why I tell my wife about how important her being and her presence is in my life.  For example, when my wife is working full time and is raising our three children, I tell her and affirm her that she is doing fine job in raising them, especially when she feels guilty as their mother.  Long time ago on May 5th, on Children’s day, my wife wrote a letter to our three children.  When one of the children was reading that letter, my wife cried because she loves the kid and feels guilty.  At that time, I advised the children to say a word of comfort to their mother.  At that time, one of the children told my wife, "You are the best mom in the whole world."  The children also know that they can confirm their mother's preciousness. haha.

                Actually, I sat down with my wife and checked the list in the Dr. Emerson Eggerich's book “Love & Respect” under the subheading ‘A wife will feel respected when this is done.’  This is what she said that she felt respected when I did these things:

When I encourage my wife in front of others

                When I kindly and enthusiastically encourage or praise my wife

When I express my affection to my wife in public

When I evaluate that my wife's opinion is not wrong but just different,

When I choose to go out with my family rather than the 'man's work'

My wife also told me what I need to work on because I don’t try anything new with my wife.  This is the think that I should work on and try more.  I don’t how to try new things well.  The reason is because I don’t have spirit of adventure.  I have eaten only what I have eaten, I am doing what I have been doing and I have not tried new things well.  But my wife is adventurous and she wants to try new things often.  Especially I had often encountered 'travel problems' with her.  I didn’t like traveling, and I didn’t know how to do it.  So when my wife wanted to go on a family trip, I didn’t fulfill her need so that she didn’t feel respected by me.  If I consider her precious, I should suggest to her that I would travel with her and prepare for the trip that she wants and needs.  But I have not been able to do that yet.  Since I wanted to get better at it gradually, so I suggested to my wife that we should have a family at least once a year.  And I suggested her to plan the trip and we could prepare it together.  My wife still understood and agreed with me because she understood me and was considerate.

These days, when I see those who have lost their spouses due to illnesses such as cancer, car accidents, etc., I am telling myself that I really should be thankful that my wife is alive.  When I do that, I feel my wife's importance and preciousness more.  Therefore, I don’t want to forget the value of my wife every day and I am trying to enjoy my daily life with her.  Since the Lord loves my wife and she is precious and honored by Him, I also recommit myself to love my wife who is “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Gen 2:23), to honor her and to consider her precious.