What woman wants (4)
The fourth thing that the woman wants from her husband is "Peacemaking".
The woman wants her husband to acknowledge his wrongdoings and confess them to her. But the husband usually does not want to easily acknowledge and confess his wrongdoings to her. I think it's because of man's pride. But the man must say to his wife "I am sorry" when he has done wrongs to her.
When a couple is in conflict, it seems that the woman is primarily initiating to solve the problem. Of course, not all couples would be like that, but many couples seem that the wife wants to make peace with her husband so she approaches her husband first in order to solve their marital problem. But when the wife does so, the husband's reaction is often fall back from his wife or from the problem. Especially when the husband thinks that his wife is wrong, he often seems to either step back from his wife who wants to solve the marital problem and delays solving the problem or tries to get it over with it. The reason why the husband responds this way is because his wife becomes "historical" whenever there is a conflict. In other words, when the couple argues with each other, the wife often nags her husband with the past story. That’s why the husband often does not want to hear it, and often steps back rather than trying to solve the problem of the marital quarrel. Mostly it seems the husband is avoiding the marital problem because his wife is “hysterical” or is fretful, but the fundamental reason is because of the "historical" aspect of the wife. The husband does not like to hear such bad historical things from his wife that she has collected from the past. He has never liked his wife repeating history. But there are things the man has to realize. The reason why his wife talks about their marital problems again and again is because there are many marital problems that have not been resolved from the past. Also, the husband must know that whenever his wife becomes historical, she is trying to reconcile with him. 'She wants you to be honest and is trying to foster peace and understanding with you. She wants her husband to make her feel that she is loved without being angry with herself’ (Eggerich).
The Bible commands both man and woman to do the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18). We have responsible to be peacemakers as children of God (Mt. 5:9). In order to fulfill this responsibility, what must the couple do?
(1) The couple must commit themselves to resolving their marital conflicts.
To do so, the couple must learn and understand the differences between the two. In particular, the husband needs to be honest about his thoughts and feelings with his wife in order to resolve their conflicts. And he must know that his wife wants to share feelings and apologize to each other. According to Eggerich, this is a way for a woman to solve problems to each other and the man needs to understand and tunes in to her approach to marital problem solving because his wife is using this problem-solving approach to him. If he doesn’t do it because doesn’t like to talk about his feelings with her and have discussions but insists on his own way, then he will not be able to resolve the marital conflict and will make his wife a more historic woman.
(2) The man should lead his wife more aggressively.
Of course, a person who did wrong should try to resolve the conflict first. But even if the husband did not do anything wrong, it is better for him to show his wife his willingness, effort and dedication to approach his wife first and solve the marital problem. In doing so, she will feel her husband's love and apologize to him with soft heart. If the man did wrong, he should approach his wife more and apologize to her. For the peace of the couple, both the husband and the wife should put their pride down in front of the cross. Of course this is difficult for a man with a strong self-esteem, but it is important to realize that what is important is not my pride but the peace of the couple. Therefore, the man should commit himself to keep the couple’s peace by putting down his pride and by asking his wife for forgiveness.
(3) For the peace of the house, the couple should be stepping stone to each other.
Both the husband and the wife should never be a 'stumbling block' to each other. What are the obstacles in resolving the conflicts of the couple? One of them is anger. Speaking more broadly is a lack of emotional control. If the couple cannot control each other's emotion in marital conflict, them a small problem can become a big problem. In order to be the stepping stone to each other, the couple needs to sacrifice like Jesus. The husband must listen to his wife’s story from her perspective for her, and think of her and understand her as she is. In particular, he should embrace all her shortcomings with Jesus' love. In doing so, his wife who feels the love of Christ through him will be able to open her heart and treat him with respect.
One of Satan's strategies to break the peace of the family is to stir up the couple (Acts 21:27). Satan constantly lies in the heart of the couple, making the love of the sight toward one another to be blinded and springing up hatred toward each other. Also, the Satan makes them to misunderstand each other and to look at each other with imaginations so that they may rely on assumptions instead of facts. Therefore, after all, Satan breaks the peace of the couple and exceeds the boundary of each other, causing the couple to fall into a swamp of conflict. However, God even uses such conflicts for the relationship of the couple to grow and to mature. God makes the marital conflicts to be an opportunity for the couple to pray, to see each other in God’s perspective through the Word of God, to know each other, and so on. Therefore, God allows the couple to enjoy peace, joy, and love that the world cannot give. We must be a couple who enjoys these blessings even in conflict. In order to do that, we, the husbands, should know that what our wives want is "peace," and we should be able to fulfill the ministry of making peace in our marriage and family.