What woman wants (3)

The third thing that the woman wants from her husband is "Understanding".

                The woman wants to be understood by her husband.  She doesn’t want her husband to give her a solution when he listens to her story.  She wants him to listen to her story to the end.  She doesn’t want him to listen to the end with the thoughts of offering the solution to her.  She just wants him to be in her position and listen to her.  Therefore, she wants to feel that her husband understands her.  What she wants is her husband's understanding and not the solution.

But the man hears his wife's story from his own perspective.  In other words, when the wife opens her heart and shares her worries and anxieties truthfully, he thinks that she wants him to give some solutions.  The reason the man does this is because he is solution-oriented.  That’s why when the woman speaks and express her feelings to him, the man cannot listen to what she says as she wants.  In other words, since he listens to his wife’s story with his solution-oriented mind, he ultimately presents a solution to her so that she doesn’t feel that she is understood by her husband.  In my personal experience, I tend to suggest a solution to my wife when I hear her story.  Although I now know that I should listen to my wife's story from her point of view, it’s not easy.  As a result, I often do not sympathy with my wife's feelings.  The Bible Hebrews 4:15 tells us that Jesus is our High Priest who can “sympathize” with us but there are many times when I didn’t sympathize with my wife's worries, anxieties, emotions and so on.

                How can we, the husbands, sympathize with our wives?  To do so, we must first put down our own theoretical thinking and solution-oriented thinking.  Of course this will not be easy.  But I believe that when we pray to God constantly and keep on trying in our conversations with our wives, we can gradually improve.  One of those endeavors is to suppress our instinct to think theoretically and in solution-oriented way when our wives speaks and listen to our wives' story with blank mind.  Another thing we have to try is that when we listen to our wife's story, we should first listen at the emotional level rather than at the logical level.  Among these efforts, we need to make our feelings richer in order for us to bear fruit.  One good way to do this is to actively listen to the emotional story of our beloved wives rather than the words of others.  Another thing is to constantly reflect ourselves with the Word of God and repent of our sins before Him.  I think when we repent in tears, our hearts can get more melted and our sensitivity can become more sensitive.  I also think that it is a great help to shed tears of gratitude while thinking about the grace of God that is given to such sinners like us.  We, the men, should try to enrich our feelings.  Without it, it is hard for us to hear our wives' story from their perspective.  Of course, the women's story may not always be about expressing their feelings and emotions.  But the women are trying to express their feelings by words, they will never feel that their husbands understand if we do not try to hear them from their perspective.  The women become clear and feels better that we understand them by speaking how they feel to us (Eggerich). Therefore, we, the husbands, must listen to our wives from their position.

One of the things that I have determined and committed to do is to try to understand my wife rather than expecting her to understand me.  Sometimes I do want my wife to understand me, but I devoted myself to understanding her with love for my wife by laying down my expectation.