The Holy Spirit-filled husband

(Ephesians 5:25-33)

The Holy Spirit-filled husband (1)

A couple got up in the middle of the night and argued.  This argument began when the wife awoke her husband who was sleeping:

Man: What is it?

Woman: Look at how much you are occupying the bed.

Man: I'm sorry

Woman: You are always like that.

Man: What?

Woman: You always bother me.

Man: Hey, it happened when I was sleeping.  What am I supposed to do?

Woman: But I don’t know how many times you did this to me (Internet).

Do you see here a different point of view of the husband and wife?  While a man has given importance to the words of his wife that he takes up too much of a bed, she can see how her husband's dominance has been monopolized by his sleeping habit.  Like this, the couples are different.

There is a legend in ancient Greek mythology.  Half a man and half a woman were living on the earth.  They considered each one to be perfect and self-sufficient.  They were arrogant and rebelled against the gods.  So angry Zeus cut all of them in half and scattered them on earth.  According to the myth, since then each half was looking for the other half (Internet).  The lesson we can get here is that there are no perfect men or perfect women.  When men or women consider themselves perfect, then in arrogance they are denying the basic fact that they need each other.  But we know that God, who made Adam in Genesis, said that “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18).  So He made a woman Eve for Adam.  When Adam and Eve, who need each other, married and became one body, there is "intrinsic perfection".  It is a mysterious marital relation that the couple understands and accepts each other’s differences and fulfills each other’s shortcomings and become one body.  

                The couple is complementary and not a competition.  The husband and the wife relationship that fulfills the needs of each other can be established as a Lord-centered couple when they faithfully fulfill their biblical responsibilities in the Lord.

I want to meditate on the husband's biblical responsibilities based on Ephesians 5:25-33.  I would like to think about two responsibilities of the Holy Spirit-filled husband under the heading of "The Holy Spirit-filled husband".  Hopefully we will take this lesson and apply it to our marriage relationship, and pray that there will be a blessing to be made more of a Lord-centered marital relationship that is worthy of the Lord's sight.

First, the Holy Spirit-filled husband loves his wife.

Look at Ephesians 5:25 and Colossians 3:19a – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25), “Husbands, love your wives  …” (Col. 3:19a).  In Ephesians 5:24, the Bible says that the responsibility of the wives toward her husband is "to submit to their husbands."  Then it seems that there is tendency for the husbands to think that their first responsibility towards their submissive wives is to ‘rule over them.’  But the Bible commands the husbands to love their submissive wives and do not rule over them.  How should the husbands love their wives?  The Bible teaches us four ways:

(1)   The husbands must treat their wives with respect.

Look at 1 Peter 3:7a – “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life ….”  The research of social science reveals that wives have three basic needs.  The first need is to be respected.  So the husbands should respect their wives.  How can the husbands despise their wives whom the Lord loves and considers precious?  Look at 1 John 4:20 – “If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.”  If the husbands say they love and respect God whom they don’t see but don’t love and respect their own wives, then this is hypocrisy.

(2)   The husbands must love and care their wives as their own bodies.

Look at Ephesians 5:28 and 33a: “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  …  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, ….”  Just as the husbands cares for the needs of their own bodies, they must care for their wives’ need by encouraging their wives’ growth and development.  Also, the husbands should love their wives with purpose.  The purpose is twofold.  It is to make their wives holy (Eph. 5:26a) and to present their wives to the Lord as the radiant wives (v. 27a).  And the way to accomplish that purpose is recorded in Ephesians 5:26: "…  cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.”  Look at 1 Peter 1:22 – “…  you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth ....”  The husbands should instruct their wives with the truth of God and encourage them to obey that truth so that they may be separated from this world and imitate the God’s holy life.  Therefore, the husbands must nurture their wives in the presence of the Lord as a "glorious wife" (Eph. 5:27).

(3)    The husbands should be able to sacrifice themselves for their wives.

Look at Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  The husbands should practice the Lord’s sacrificial love and its goal is only for their wives, to take care of them and not to expect any reward from them.  The husbands must know how to sacrifice their little things.  For example, they should listen to their wives, spend time together, throw away the trashes, wash the dishes in the kitchen and etc.. 

(4)   The husbands must be actively responsible for raising their children.

Look at Ephesians 6:4 – “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”  As the head of the family, the husbands should not only nurture their wives but also they should nurture their children with the word of God.  The fathers must bring their children up in the training and instruction of the Lord.  They must not leave it to their wives unconditionally and passively.  Rather, they must be actively responsible for nurturing their children.

So why should the husbands love their wives like this?  The reason is because they are one flesh.  Look at Ephesians 5:31 – “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  Since the husbands became one flesh with their wives after leaving their parents they must love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (v. 25).

There are 10 proposals to become a respected husband at the Christian Home Ministry (Internet):

(1)     Feed the happy vitamins: The best vitamin is "vitamin H".  Unexpressed love is not love.  Say that you love her once a day.  Love is like herb medicine.

(2)     Have knowledge of women: Study your wife.  Living with a wife is much difficult than commanding an army.  You cannot live with your wife without knowing her.  Build up your knowledge about her.

(3)     Minimum leadership begins with prayer: Pray instead of nagging and scolding.  There is no nagging that overcome prayer.  Prayer is the key to open the day and the lock to close the day.  Pray for your wife and children.

(4)     The deepest love is waiting: Do not hasten.  The heart of love is in waiting.  A jet needs time to fly.  Love that cannot wait is not love.

(5)     Talk under the pillow: The deepest conversation is a conversation in the bedroom.  What the wife wants is not your snoring sound.  Do not turn over in bed.  If you lie face-to-face, you are very close to your wife.  But if you turn over, then the distance between you and your wife is more than 100,000 miles.  You can you meet your wife by going around the Earth (40,350Km).

(6)     Leave the money.  Money is a measure of affection: Your wife most dislikes to hear you saying ‘Let me see your financial account.  Do not think about trying to see her financial account until she shows you.  If you really want to see it, you say to her ‘Is not it short?  Isn’t it hard?’

(7)     Treat as a woman, not as a wife: A wife is a concept of possession, but a woman is a concept of protection.  Remember that your wife is a woman before she became your wife.  Do not try to manage her.  Your wife is not a fortune but a partner.

(8)     Take insurance for your family.  The biggest insurance is time insurance: You cannot use more than what you saved.  Investing time for your family is increasing the profit like a snowball.  Try to spend time for your family for a while.  Family is like building a castle through time.

(9)     To lose is to win: The most foolish man is to fight his wife and win. If you want to win, win over yourself.  There is always a loser by the victor.  But by the side of the lover, it is filled with loved ones.

(10) Raise a wife: And share the goal of your life with your wife.  Do not treat your wife as a housekeeper.  Your wife should also grow.  Help her to make positive growth, not minus growth.  Sometimes, you should also pay your wife a maintenance fee for her dignity.

We, the husbands must remember.  The reason we love our wives is not to get their respect.  The reason why we love our wives is because the Lord has commanded us.  And since the Lord loves our wives, we must also love our wives with Christ’s love.  We must be filled with the Holy Spirit and must love our wives as Christ loves the church.  As we do so, may the Lord build us His glorious and holy couple.