Love and Respect (2)
One day as I was reading Esther chapters 2 through 4, I was surprised at Esther 2:17-18. The reason was because the words that I couldn’t find are written in chapter 1. In other words, in Esther 1, King Ahasuerus did not say that he had "loved" the Queen Vashti and that he had given a "feast" for her. But Esther 2 said that King Ahasuerus "loved Esther more than all women" (2:17; cf. 5:2) and he gave “a great banquet” for Esther (v. 18). As I was reading these words, I was surprised at the contrast between Esther chapters 1 and 2 and asked myself, ‘Why did Esther be loved by King Ahasuerus?’ I wondered what was difference between Queen Vashti and Esther.
Surprisingly, the Bible clearly records the difference between the two women. The difference was that Queen Vashti was "was lovely to look at” (1:11) while Esther was "lovely in form and features (2:7). This was the difference between the two women. I think Queen Vashti’s appearance was good to look at. What kind of woman is good to look at? According to Barbara and Allan Pease, in their book “Why Men Lie & Why Women Cry”, women's appearances affect their ability to attract men, and 90 percent of those who first meet their opponents decide their appearance within four minutes of meeting. Also, their physical attractiveness is evaluated within 10 seconds. And men like women who are beautiful than those who have brains, because most men are better at looking than thinking. Since in King Ahasuerus’ saw that Queen Vashti was beautiful, he wanted to display her beauty to the people and the princes (1:11). But when the Bible speaks of Esther, it does not say that Esther was lovely to look at. The Bible says that Esther “was beautiful of form and face" (2:7). Here the word beautiful of “form” means ‘bright’, and beautiful “face” means 'good' (Park Yun-sun). In other words, Esther's beauty is not merely a physical appearance but also she had virtuous beauty (Park). This was the difference between Queen Vashti and Esther.
This is what a pastor wrote in his blog under the title ‘Sister's Appearance": ‘Appearance is a gift and a mission. The gift that is not used for a mission is a curse, not a blessing.’ He explains this conclusion like this: ‘The beauty of the appearance that we have given to us is the gift of God and the mission God has entrusted to us. We have to know why I have given this appearance, and we must find a way to glorify God through our appearance. If we use the gifts (appearance, talents, character ...) that God has given us for our selfish glorious purposes, not for the glory of God, then the gift is not a blessing but a curse. So many people are ruining their lives not because of their own weaknesses, but because of their strengths they believe and trust. If we use our appearance only to satisfy our proud and physical desires, then we will be ruined by our gifts and strengths.’ I think this makes sense. Perhaps Queen Vashti can be said that she didn’t use her beautiful appearance for the glory of God. She used her beauty to contempt her husband (1:17) rather than use it to please her husband, King Ahasuerus. How did she use his pretty appearance to despise her husband, King Ahasuerus? She did it by refusing to come at the King Ahasuerus’ command (v. 12). As a result, when the rumor of her conduct of disobedience was spread to all the women, then it would become a bad example of causing all them to look at their husbands with contempt (v. 17). This kind of bad examples can be found in our homes as well. Will the children who see their mothers disobeying their fathers accept the authority of their fathers and obey their words? What would the people do when their first lady refused to obey her husband, their president? The family discord of a public figure can have bad influence on many people and their families. Although Queen Vashti had a good looking appearance, she was never a woman with virtuous beauty like Esther. But Esther was a woman who had a different look than Queen Vashti. She did not have mere physical beauty but she had virtuous beauty. Where can we find her virtuous beauty?
First, Esther was a woman who pleased others.
Look at Esther 2:9 “Now the young lady pleased him and found favor with him. ….” Here, “him” refers to Hegai who was in charge of the women who were gathered to the citadel of Susa (v. 8). Esther pleased Hegai and she was found favor with him (v. 9). Although the Bible doesn’t say how she pleased Hegai, I think Esther was a woman who pleased others. Maybe that’s why the Bible says that Esther was “beautiful of form”, that is she was bright (v. 7). The heart of a woman who pleases others brightens her face as well. I think Esther was a woman who brightens the others. What a good woman she was. After she became a queen, she prepared a banquet for her husband King Ahasuerus (5:4). How contrasting is this with Queen Vashti? (1:9) In order to be a woman who pleases others, she must first have joy in her heart. How can we please other people without having joy in our hearts? There must be joy in us to that we may please others. Also, in order to please others, we must dedicate ourselves in knowing them. If we do not know them, we cannot consider them. And if we cannot consider them, even if we have joy in our hearts, there is no guarantee that we will please them. Therefore, the couple should try to get to know each other. As they do so, they must try to please each other. One more thing to think about is that in order to please others, it should be our joy to please them.
Second, Esther was a woman who found favor in the eyes of all who saw her.
Look at Esther 2:15b – “… And Esther found favor in the eyes of all who saw her.” Since Esther had pleased others who saw her besides Hegai (2: 9), they all loved Esther and were kind to her. What should we do to be found favor in the eyes of all who see us? Not only should we please them, but also we should treat them kindly. When we do so, we will be found favor in their eyes. When we give good to others, we will also receive the good from them. A graceful people can also receive grace with humility and joy.
Third, Esther was a woman of obedience.
Esther faithfully obeyed the commandment of Mordecai, her cousin. She had faithfully fulfilled his commandment since Mordecai had brought her up as his own daughter after her parents died (2:7). The Mordecai's commandment was not to tell of her people and her nationality (2:10, 20). So Esther had kept secret her family background and nationality just as Mordecai had told her to do (v. 20). What a good and faithful woman she was. A woman who is obedient is truly beautiful. A woman who despises her husband rather than respects him by disobeying him is never a virtuous woman, even though her appearance may be attractive to others. A virtuous woman obeys her husband. She humbly listens to her husband. And she is faithful, both before and now, in obeying her husband.
Lastly, Esther was a woman who loved her nation.
When we think about Esther, the Bible verse we think of is "And if I perish, I perish" (4:16). She went to King Ahasuerus after fasting with the determination even to die in order to save her people, the Jews, from persecution and destruction by Haman. She loved her people and was ready to sacrifice her life. What a contrast with Queen Vashti? Queen Vashti was not the queen who loved her people like Esther. Rather, she was a queen who disobeyed her husband, King Ahasuerus, and gave all the women the opportunity to despise their husbands. How could she who had despised her husband have loved her nation? But Esther, who loved her people, also offered a feast for King Ahasuerus and asked him, "let my life be given me as my petition, and my people as my request" (7: 3). Esther, who thought her life and nation in one connection, was indeed a virtuous woman who obtained favor in King Ahasuerus’ sight (5:2).
As I was meditating on Esther chapter 2, I thought of Esther, in contrast to Queen Vashti, was not merely a woman who was beautiful of form and face, but a virtuous woman. In King Ahasuerus’ perspective, Esther was very lovable (5:2). How could he not love his wife who pleases him, who gives grace to him, who obeys him, and who loves her nation? In order to become a husband's loving wife, a woman should not be a only good-looking wife in her husband's view (and also in others) as Queen Vashti. She must be beautiful of form and face like Esther. In other words, she must be a bright and good wife. She must be a woman with virtuous beauty. The words of Proverbs 31: 10 and 29-30 come to my mind: “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. … Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”