Love and respect
Love and Respect (1)
I would like to recommend Emerson Eggerichs' book, "The Love She Most Desires & The Respect He Desperately Needs" to all couples. At the heart of the book is that the wife desires unconditional love of her husband and the husband needs unconditional respect from his wife. I have read this book two weeks before my 10th wedding anniversary and have experienced the God’s work of reconciliation between my wife and I in our conflict so that we were able to rededicated to each other. The Lord challenged me to love my wife just as Jesus loved the church unconditionally. And the Lord challenged my wife to rededicate herself to respect me. One week after our tenth wedding anniversary, on the Thursday morning prayer meeting, God blessed me the Word of God, Esther chapter one as I mediated on King Xerxes, the husband who wasn’t respected by his wife and Queen Vashti, the wife who was unloved by her husband.
This is what the Bible Esther 1:20 says, “Then when the king's edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm, all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest.” When King Xerxes reigned from his royal throne in the citadel of Susa (v. 2), and in the third year of his reign he gave a banquet for all his nobles and officials (v. 3). This banquet lasted 180 days because King Xerxes wanted to display the vast wealth of his kingdom and the splendor and glory of his majesty (v. 4). Maybe he was not satisfied with it so he had another banquet that lasted 7 days in the enclosed garden of the king’s palace for all the people from the least to the greatest, who were in the citadel of Susa (v. 5). On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded (v. 10) to bring his wife Queen Vashti to the banquet so that he could display her beauty to the people and nobles (v. 11). But she refused to come (v. 12). So the king Xerxes became furious and burned with anger (v. 12). So he consulted with experts in matters of law and justice and issued a royal decree that Queen Vashti should never again enter the presence of King Xerxes (v. 19). Then the experts suggested to King Xerxes to let him give Queen Vashti’s royal position to someone else who was better than she (v. 19). What was the intention? Not only to prevent all the women from despising their husbands because of the disobedience of Queen Vashti (v. 17), but also to make all the women to respect their husbands (v. 20) and to let every man to rule over his own household (v. 22).
As I was meditating on this, I asked myself, ‘Why did Queen Vashti disobey her husband King Xerxes and made him very angry?’ I am sure King Xerxes wanted her obedience and respect but why did she despised him by being disobedient to him? I think it was because she didn’t receive love from her husband. As Dr. Emerson Eggerichs said, I think both King Xerxes and Queen Vashti had a crazy cycle. In other words, she did not respect her husband and he did not love his wife. The wife, who had not felt love, refused to respect her husband, and her husband, who had not been respected, refused to love her. How can we know that King Xerxes did not love Queen Vashti? In one word, King Xerxes did not regard his wife as the most important person in his life. How can we know this? King Xerxes had two banquets to display the vast wealth of his kingdom and the splendor and glory of his majesty (v. 4) but did not have a banquet for his wife. I think that was why Queen Vashti also gave a banquet for the women in the royal palace of King Xerxes (v. 10). It seems that Queen Vashti and the women in the royal palace were neglected by their husbands. Eventually, at the second banquet for all the people in the citadel of Susa (v. 5), King Xerxes invited his wife Queen Vashti (v. 11) when he was in high spirits from wine (v. 10). However, his invitation does not seem to be the act that makes his wife to feel loved by him. I thought about this like this: ‘Let’s say there is a man who has a pretty wife. When he was in a bar drinking with his friends. And suddenly he wants to boast his wife’s beauty. So he calls his wife and tells her to come to the bar. Would she obey her husband and go to the bar? Would she be able to feel loved by her husband?’ Eventually, Queen Vashti disobeyed her husband King Xerxes and refused to go the banquet because she didn’t feel loved by him. Although she had to respect her husband unconditionally, Queen Vashti refused to do so. As a result, the marriage between King Xerxes and Queen Vashti was eventually divorced in modern language.
As I thought about King Xerxes’s marital relationship with his wife Queen Vashti in Dr. Emerson Eggerich’s ‘love and respect’ perspective, I also thought about the relationship between Jesus and the church. Unlike King Xerxes the Groom Jesus loves His bride, the church, unconditionally. Now the question is whether His bride, the church, is obedient to Jesus out of respect. Although Jesus considers the church precious and honors us, aren’t we despising Him in front of the unbelievers by being disobedient to Him? Although Jesus regards us as the most precious, we seem to consider others or other things more precious than Him. Are we honoring and glorifying Him by faithfully obeying His twofold commandment of loving God and loving our neighbors? The church, the family of God, must obey the Word of the Groom Jesus and glorify Him. Each of our Christian families must love God and love each other with the love of the Lord and glorify God. We must no longer sin against the Lord by despising Him. We should no longer be the bride who honors Jesus with only our lips. I hope and pray that the Lord continues to build His church to be His obedient bride who respects the Lord with all our hearts and devotion.