Honeymoon stage

        I remember the words of an elderly man who said that setting the first button is very important.  At that time, I remember him saying this having the marital relationship in mind.  And the meaning is that the beginning is important in the marital relationship.  Just as if the first button is misplaced, all the buttons below it will be misplaced, so in the case of marital relationship, if the beginning does not start well, then the rest of the marital relationship will suffer.  That’s how much the honeymoon stage of the marital relationship is crucial.

                How should we start our honeymoon stage?  I learned the Bible Deuteronomy 24:5 first time through my college roommate when I was in college.  At that time, he told me that at the honeymoon stage, it’s better for a couple to live by themselves at least one year and build a marital relationship in the Lord.  His said that at the honeymoon stage, the couple should live by themselves without even living with both parents.  I was a little wonder when I heard that from him.  Of course, the reason was because it was first time I heard that word based on Deuteronomy 24:5.  But I thought it was interesting.  God specifically told the Israelites, “If a man has recently married, he must not be sent to war or have any other duty laid on him.  For one year he is to be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married” (Dt. 24:5).  When I think about this verse, I think the honeymoon stage is important to God and he wanted the Israelites to focus on the family and the marital relationship in their honeymoon stage more than their country.  I think if the marital relationship is getting stronger and firmly establishes then the family will be firmly established.  And when the family is firmly established, the church will be firmly established and the country will be firmly established.  

I personally recommend to those who to premarital counseling with me to live by themselves for a year or so when they get marry.  Of course, if their situation is uncertain and they need to live with their parents, then I cannot advise them to do so.  But if they can live by themselves, I encourage them to live do so at least for a year and dedicate themselves to build their marital relationship in the Lord.  Also, one of the things I encourage them to do is try wisely not to let any other third parties such as, parents, children, or siblings to intervene their marital relationship.  It is because, I believe, of course, that the most important relationship is between God and us, but the next important relationship is between the husband and the wife and not between parents and children.  Here, the important responsibility is the husband rather than the wife.  If the husband is unable to focus on marital relationships but let other relationships such as the relationship with their parents or children to intervene and to have negative or bad influences on his marital relationship, then their marital relationship cannot be established firmly in the Lord.  Furthermore, if the husband does not love his wife faithfully with the Lord’s love (because he didn’t learn how to love his wife with His love), then the wife will not be happy.  Then their marriage will be built on sand.

Therefore, the responsibility of the husbands is very heavy.  Although it is heavy, it is our duty to bear.  In the early days of marriage, the husbands should stay home and spend a lot of time with their wives and bring happiness to their wives.  The husbands should try to make their wives feel happy.  How is this possible?  I think the way to do so is just one.  The husbands must love their wives as Jesus loves the church.  When the wives feel the Lord's love, they will be happy.