The differences between men and women (4)
‘Both men and women exaggerate. The difference is that men exaggerate facts and data, while women exaggerate emotions and feelings.’ ["Why Men Lie & Why Women Cry"]
I think this makes sense. I also think both men and women exaggerate. But it is interest to note that there is difference. And if we know this difference, I think it will be beneficial to those who are in dating relationship or a marital relationship. First of all, about women exaggerating their emotions and feelings, Allan and Barbara Pease, the authors of “Why Men Lie & Why Women Cry” give an example: ‘... If a man disagrees with a woman in front of friends, she would later say, ‘You always suppress me and never allow me to say my opinion! You always do this to me!’ If the man listens to these words, he tends to interpret the words literally. So he would never understand when (or “always”) he has ignored her opinion. But what she means is not as the man thinks which is about the number of times, places, or dates that he ignored her. But what she means is that she is asking him to act sweetly in front of her friends. But how many men can interpret her exaggeration? The reason for this is that, from the perspective of a man who exaggerates facts and data, he tends to listen to her words (such as, “always”, “never”, “whenever”) that exaggerate her emotions and feelings logically with his reason. Therefore, in order for him to read her intention of exaggerating of her emotions and feelings, he first has to lay down his logical thinking. Then he should try to listen to her on the level of emotion. Of course, I think this takes a lot of effort, of practice and even of failure. I am sure it is not really easy to hit a woman's intention of her emotions and feelings at first place. If he keeps on listening to her words of exaggeration and interprets them constantly in the way of self-logical way of thinking based on the data and fact, then it will end up with hurting their self-esteem, and in the end they will get angry and each other and will have unnecessary conflicts. The man should not refute the woman’s words of exaggeration on the basis of facts or data. It is better for him to trying to feel her emotions more than trying to understand her feelings.
How then should the woman listen to the man who exaggerates facts and data? For example, living in a competitive society if the man tells her what happened at work, how should she listen to him when he exaggerates the amount of his work and of his income, the amount of fish he has caught, the number of beautiful women he dated her? First of all, she must respect him who exaggerates the facts and data that she hears from him even though she feels his sayings don’t make any sense. For example, if he says that there were 5 beautiful women he met before he met her even though it was one woman, she may feel jealous. So if she gets angry at him and says, ‘What a useless brag!’, then his ego can get hurt. But she does not need to be disturbed and to feel hurt when he exaggerates his facts and data. She just needs to listen to the story of the man who exaggerates the facts and data and just acknowledges what he says. It means to build a man's pride. It means that she should acknowledge him even though she knows he exaggerates. Then it would be nice to praise him. Of course, it does not mean that she should acknowledge and praise him that he dated 5 women before he met her since it’s not true bur a lie. The man who exaggerates to his girlfriend or wife is weak in his pride. However, for example, when he says a bit of exaggeration about his work, his favorite sports, etc., it is helpful to each other to acknowledge and praise him. Of course, it is not desirable to exaggerate in romantic relationships or in marital relationships (even in all human relationships). Nevertheless, there are times when we get to know that men and women are exaggerating without our knowledge or awareness. It seems to be a human instinct. If we live a life that speaks truthfully, we do not have to exaggerate. Nonetheless, both man and woman who are weak exaggerate in their conversation. But if they can understand the differences, it will help their dating or marital relationships.