How should I date in the church?

                I think that dating in church is ideal on the one hand, but on the other hand it is not so easy.  The reason I think it is ideal is because, first, a single man and a single woman are meeting in one faith.  Of course, it does not mean that they are not meeting in faith because they meet at work or at school.  However, another reason why it is ideal to meet and date in the church is because not only they are meeting in one faith but also they can serve the Lord together.  It is indeed a precious blessing to be able to serve one Lord in one church and one faith.

  When the man and the woman in the church meet in the Lord and put the Lord first in their relationship rather than prioritizing their relationship before the Lord and grow up and be matured in faith, then their relationship can be healthy and firm.  However, if they do not prioritize the relationship with the Lord but the relationship with each other, then their relationship will the Lord will gradually become distant from the Lord.  Then their unhealthy relationship cannot be a good example to others in the church and may even have bad influence to them.  Therefore, it is ideal to date in the church, but in order to maintain and pursue that ideal dating relationship, they must commit themselves to the Lord first.  In order to do this, the single man and woman who are dating should be a stepping stone to each other in their faith journey to the Lord.  But instead of becoming the stepping stone but becoming an obstacle to each other in the process of going near to the Lord in their faith journey, then there is a high probability that their dating relationship will not be a good example to others in the community.

In order to set a good example of dating relationship in the church, the couple must first seek the Lord-centered relationship.  The Lord-centered dating relationship is a relationship in which each single man and single woman personally and together prioritizes the vertical relationship with the Lord.  I am sure there is a time when they prioritize the vertical relationship with the Lord and then gradually put the horizontal relationship with each other first without realizing it.  But if the realize this even later, I think it is good thing because I am sure there is a lot of young single men and women in the church who prioritize their horizontal relationship over the vertical relationship with the Lord.   Then we cannot say that their relationship is the Lord-centered relationship.  I believe that the man's role is especially important in sincerely pursuing the Lord-centered relationship.  It is because he has a responsibility to lead his girlfriend closer to the Lord, while he faithfully live his Christian life by prioritizing his relationship with the Lord.  If he ignores this responsibility and is more attracted to his girlfriend, for sure he cannot be a stepping stone between the Lord and her and cannot lead her closer to the Lord.  And if she is not being led by him and thus put her dating relationship with his as the priority, then their dating relationship will be a good example to others within the church.  Of course, if she is wise, she will rebuke her him in love when she finds out that he is not prioritizing the Lord and will encourage him to focus on the Lord in their relationship.  In doing so, both of them will be able to be a good model in the church as a dating couple and have positive influences to the fellow brethren in the church.  If we think more specifically, the single brothers and sisters in Christ who are dating have to be very careful about their words and behaviors in the church in order to be good example to others in the church.  That means that they need to be mindful of the community.  But if they are being selfish and just thing about their own dating relationship instead of thinking about the whole church community or at least a group that they belong to, then their selfish words and actions can eventually hurt the members of the community.  Of course, the members of the community who are upset and are hurt by the couple should not talk negative things about the couple which is not helpful to that couple at all.  Rather, it is their responsibility to embrace and love the couple with the grace of God and with the love of Christ.  In other words, the members of the church community must create an atmosphere where the dating couple feels free to date in the truth.  In order to do so, the members of the community should consider the dating couple.  Until the couple says openly that they are dating, the community members should be very careful not to say things about them that may not be helpful.  Although the church members loves the couple and have good intention in talking about good things about them to other church members, their words can be twisted it or the other members may misunderstood.  So it’s better to be slow in speaking about the couple.  If the couple openly tells the church members that they are dating, then the church members should respect their dating relationship and help them to openly date in the community.  They should bless the couple with the Lord's heart and pray to God that God may lead their dating relationship to the Lord’s centered.  It is also a good idea to wait until the couple asks for help from the church community members.  When the church members know what the couple needs and help them, the couple will be comfortable in dating in the church.  When the dating couple and the church community members consider each other, then they will be able to shine the light of Jesus Christ and keep the unity of the church. 

                The couple who has the Lord-centered dating relationship in the church may have unexpected things even when they refrain from words and deeds by considering other church members in order to be a good example to them.  One of them is "rumor".  There can be bad rumor that can be spread in the church that hurt the couple’s hearts.  The reason is because of our sinful nature.  There can be a member of the church who spread the bad rumor regarding the dating couple within the church because s/he has been tempted by Satan due to jealousy, hatred and etc..  How should the dating couple respond when they heard such rumor about them?  I don’t think excuses or advocacy will help.  Rather, I think it is much better to silence the rumor with their good deeds.  In other words, if the couple look only to the Lord and pursue the dating, then they will not be so sensitive to the rumors in the church.  I think it is wise to listen to the words of the members of the church and consider.  But it is not necessary for the couple to listen even to the bad rumors.  If the couple is mature enough even to listen to the bad rumors and make them beneficial to them and their dating relationship, then I think it’s okay for them to listen to the rumors.  But if they cannot, then it is better to become deaf and dumb.  The couple can be deaf to such bad rumors, and open their ears to the voice of the Lord and enjoy their dating.  Also, there is no need to open their mouth and speak out about the bad rumors they heard.  Rather, it is much better for the couple to open their mouths and to devote their time in pouring out their hearts to the Lord in prayers.  If the dating couples are pursuing the Lord-centered healthy relationship in the church, then they will not be so sensitive to what they hear in the community.  Although they cannot completely avoid listening to all the rumors in the church about them, even if they hear they will be able to take their burdens and even hurts to the Lord in prayers and will be able to use them as an opportunity to get closer to Him and be faithful to their dating relationship as well. 

I personally think that it is good to make lots of good memories when the couples are dating.  Especially when they make many beautiful memories in the community called the church, I think the couple's heart is rich.  Of course, there can be many bad memories as well when they are dating.  But I believe that by making much more good memories in their dating relationship, they can overcome all the bad memories by covering them with the good memories.  In order to do so, the couples should grow in faith, love, and hope and serve the Lord in one heart and one will and serve the members of the community.  When two people become one in faith, their faith must grow and become stronger.  Also, as two people love one another, the love of the Lord must become more and more filled in their hearts.  And as they look to the Lord, their hearts must be filled with hope.  I am sure the Lord will be pleased with such couples who glorify God.