Gossip

In the course of dating, a single man and woman should be careful not to gossip about each other.   He should not gossip about his girlfriend in front of his friends.  Of course, she should not gossip about her boyfriend in front of her friends as well.  In addition to these gossip, the single man and woman who are dating should not listen carefully to the bad things that surrounding people say about their girlfriend or boyfriend.  This, of course, presupposes the situation when the romantic relationship is not going well.

One day when my college alumni gathered, one of the sisters in Christ came to me and poured complaints about her husband.   So I rebuked her in love.  I told her not to gossip about her husband.  Of course, this subject of gossip may be better applied to the marriage relationship.  But it seems that gossip (or even slander) toward each other is increasing in the dating relationship, especially when that relationship is broken or after it is broken.  Long time ago, when I was chatting with a sister in the Lord, I saw her wisdom.  At that time, she seemed to have some difficulties with her boyfriend.  So when she shared with her close friends, I think they said something negatives about her boyfriend in order to comfort and encourage her.  So she told her friends gently not to say anything about her boyfriend anymore.  I think that she did wisely.

The pattern that appears when a couple breaks up in the church is a gossip.  If a brother or a sister whom we love is hurt by his or her girlfriend or boyfriend, people gossip about them.  Of course, we know that they are trying to comfort our own brother or sister in the Lord.  But their gossip that hurts our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ does not glorify God.  It’s not treating them as they are, who are loved by God and who have the image of God.  The brothers and sisters in the Lord should gather together to comfort and encourage each other (Heb. 10:24-25).  But if they gather to gossip about another brother or sister, this is not the brotherly love in God's sight and not a community that is pleasing in God’s sight.

                I am sure the single men and women hear many voices from many people around them.  Their parents, siblings, relatives and friends may say a lot of thing about their marriage.  So they will many different voices.  But they need to be careful what they are listening.  They need to filter their voices.   In order to do that, they must be quick to hear God's voice first.  Those who ask for God’s comfort rather than the people’s comfort listen to God’s voice, understand God’s will and obey His words.  Especially when they have difficulties, pain, and hurt in dating, they may be tempted to gossip about their girlfriend or boyfriend in front of those friends who came to them to comfort and encourage them.  This is sinning against God and it must be stopped.  They must go to God in silence.  Especially those who are hurt may want to go to the people around them instead of going to God.  If so, then they may lose their spiritual discretion and may not be able to practice God’s love.  When they are hurt and wounded, they must to God and pour out their pains and wounds and receive God’s true comfort and healing.  They should no longer hurt God's heart by gossiping about fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who have God’s image in their dating relationship.  If they try to cope their difficulties emotionally, then their emotional wounds will be deepened and will be very difficult to be healed.

I hope and pray that this pattern of gossip will be stopped which I often hear when I think of young people who are like the dew.   Also, I hope and pray that the image of Jesus who was unjustly persecuted, betrayed, wounded and crucified may be restored in us.  I pray that God's loving community will be restored by listening to the Lord's voice and obeying Him by looking at Him rather than criticizing and gossiping in the subjective and emotional judgment of the wounded people.   Let’s be careful with our mouth!