I hate matchmaking

I have a friend whom I met when I was in college and we lived together as roommates for a year.  Out of the six friends who lived together, everybody got married except this one.  So I tried to set him up three or four times with sisters in Christ but it didn’t work out.  And since my friend didn’t want me to set him up, I gave up.  When I thought about the title “I hate matchmaking” this friend came into my mind.  I guess it was maybe because he didn’t like matchmaking.  I am not only my friend but most singles brothers and sisters in Christ want to date instead of being arranged a match.  Since I got married by matchmaking, I wonder why some people hate matchmaking.  I also have some negative thoughts about whey they do not have open heart toward matchmaking.  For example, I am sure they are various reasons why they try to avoid matchmaking, such as fear (due to unwanted encounters), ego hurt (how long are they trying to insist their self-esteem?), annoyance (does it makes sense?), and so on.  But as they get older, they have to admit that dating is not easy.  After graduating from college, it is not easy to date because it is not easy to meet an opposite sex.  If they cannot meet at their churches or work places, then it will be difficult to date after all.  So I agree on matchmaking.

                I and my wife met by matchmaking.  The pastor of the church where my parents-in-law were serving arranged the match between my wife and me.  He still is in the same presbytery as my father who is pastor as well.  Under the agreement of the pastor and the both parents, my wife and I met on October 13th, 1996, at lunch time after 11 O’clock worship at Victory Presbyterian Church.  I still remember when I first saw my wife.  On next day Monday, I started to spent time with my wife and her parents and siblings together for three days.  At that time, I did not think that 'I met my wife by matchmaking.'  In other words, the term "matchmaking" did not affect me at all.  I just met with my wife and spent time together naturally.  When I look back on my marriage, I remember the story of Abraham in the Bible who arranged his son Isaac’s marriage.  Abraham didn’t want his son Isaac to get a wife from the daughters of the Canaanites (Gen. 24:3) (in modern term, I think Abraham didn’t want his son marry a non-believer) but want him to get a wife from his own relatives (v. 4) (in modern term, I think Abraham wanted Isaac to marry a Christian).  So he told his chief servant (v. 2) to go to his country and his own relatives and get a wife for his son Isaac (v. 4).  When we read the whole chapter 24 of Genesis, where this story is described in detail, we cannot see that Isaac got married by dating at all.  In modern terms, he got married by matchmaking.  Of course, some people may say that why I am trying to say that matchmaking is good based on the Old Testament Abraham’s story regarding his son Isaac.  But I am just trying to find some principles from the Bible.  I am not claiming that we should all marry by matchmaking.  I am just sharing my thoughts that we don’t have to hate matchmaking and thus we should have open mind toward matchmaking.  When I think about Isaac’s marriage by matchmaking in a sense, I have a scene that comes to my mind.  The scene is when Abraham’s chief servant went to the Abraham’s country in obedience to his master’s command and went near the well outside the town, he prayed to God saying, “O LORD, God of my master Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham.  See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water.  May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'-let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master" (vv. 12-14).  Before he had finished praying Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder (v. 15).  And without saying a word, Abraham’s chief servant watched Rebekah closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful (v. 21).  I was challenged by this verse 21 what he did.  How beautiful it is for the Abraham’s chief servant to watch Rebekah closely to learn whether she was the right person whom God prepared for his master’s son Isaac’s spouse.

                I'm not saying that everyone should find their spouses by matchmaking.  They are so many couples who got married by dating and live together well.  I am just sharing the idea that it is good to have an open mind toward matchmaking.  And like what the Abraham’s chief servant did, I think we should pray to God and humble gaze at a sister/brother in Christ in silence, to know whether s/he is the right person whom God has prepared for us for our future spouse.  We should not be over confident of ourselves.  We should not think that without God’s help and guidance, we can find our own future spouse and get marry.  Meeting our spouse is not what we do.  God must lead us to meet her/him.  The marriage can stand firm and beautiful when God arranges our marriage.  If we are not giving God a space to work for us to meet our future spouse, I think that is pride and sin.  If we do not yield our will to the Lord, no matter how much we seek to find our future spouse, or even if we get marry through dating, the Lord’s good, pleasing and perfect will not be accomplished in and through our families.  So let us yield our will to the Lord.  Let us pray to God that His will be done instead of our will.  May He send you a godly and right person to you so that you may build the Lord-centered family.