Fear

"The problem is that they have picked up the spiritual telescope upside down.  Because of fear they enlarge the size of the problem over the size of God" [Tommy Tenney, "God's eye view"].

Although single men and women want to have relationships with the opposite sex and to date but fear seems to precede.  There is fear of how the opposite sex thinks of me and of rejection as well.  Anyone can have fear of rejection.  I also remember having experienced the fear of rejection several times during my college years.  As I was studying psychology in college, I used to think about three words frequently.  The three words are "Denial", "Suppression", and "Rejection".  According to my wife, I did “sister ministry” in college (When my wife saw my college album before we got married, she asked me ‘Did you do sister ministry?’).  When I was doing sister ministry few times I felt romance but I was in denial and I suppressed it.  Whenever I felt romance, I told myself so many times that ‘I don’t love her with romance but I love her as a sister in the Lord.’  And when the surrounding brothers or sisters asked me whether I loved her or not, I denied my feeling by saying ‘No’ to them.  After all, when I kept denying my feeling, I believed myself that I didn’t love her romantically but I loved her with the Lord’s love.  And I wanted to be with her.  In this way, I was not honest to my own feelings, but I denied it and repressed my emotions.  I still remember I had crush on a sister in Christ for a year.  During that year, I kept suppressing my emotions so much that I looked older than my age. So when I graduated from college, few freshmen wrote on my graduation album ‘grandfather’. Haha.  When I couldn’t suppress my feeling anymore, I tried to confess my love to the sister in the Lord in fear.  Of course, in the end, I was "rejected".  After I was rejected, I called her and I even said thank you to her for rejecting me.  Haha.  It is still funny to think about this memory.

                When I think of the word "fear," I remember 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  When I think about this word, I think that if we love someone with true love of God, we should not be afraid.  There should be no fear.  The Bible says that perfect love drives out fear.  So if we love someone with true love of God, we must have conviction rather than have fear.  And this conviction comes from faith in God.  If I borrow the words of Rev. Tommy Tenney, here the faith is holding the spiritual telescope properly and look to God.  When we do so, we can see the possible problems (such as rejection of the opposite sex, fears, anxiety, etc.) small and see the greater God and have confidence in Him.  Then we can approach the opposite sex whom we love and reach out to her/him in faith.  And that faith is toward God, not in the response or outcome of the other.  In other words, that faith even leaves the outcome to God.  However, if we take this spiritual telescope upside down and look at our opposite sex whom we love, we cannot help but wonder in fear and in uncertainty because the problem is enlarged.  There will be no boldness and courage, and even if we do, we will not be able to reach out to him/her with passion.

                When we have romance, we must take our spiritual telescope right and look upon our great God.  As we look upon God in faith, we need to ask God to fill us with His love, the fruit of the Spirit.  We must acknowledge and confess that we can love other opposite sex only with the love of God.  And as God fills our hearts with His love, we can approach her/him with the love of God.  If there is fear in us, I think it’s better to put a distant with her/him and to get close to God.  We need to be honest with ourselves whether we have picked up the spiritual telescope properly and are looking at her/him (or situation), or we have picked up the spiritual telescope upside down, so that there is fear in us.  Then we must go to God with my weakness as we face the problem, the fear in us.  In doing so, God’s perfect love will drive out fear in us.  And with God’s perfect love, we will be able to love her/him.