Marriage preparation (2):

‘When the expectation of marriage does not fill quickly, there are often impatience, insensitivity, self-centered attitude, inadequate relationship skills, and great disappointment or disillusionment’ (Dr. Gary Collins).

Those single brothers and sisters in Christ who are not preparing their marriage well seem to have unrealistic expectations about marriage.  As Dr. Collins said, ‘As they approach marriage, most men and women seem to think that their relationship is unique and will not be attacked by the threat of destroying many other relationships.’  They may think that their marriage will be very happy and joyful.  Although they desire to have great satisfaction for their great expectation in their imaginations of marriage, but as real married couples know, the greater the unrealistic expectation the greater the disappointment.  And the bigger the disappointment, those who fail to prepare their marriage properly will lose their patience sooner, will more likely to think about divorce and will conclude hastily.  What is the problem?  Why do we marry with unrealistic expectations?  I am sure there are number of reasons, but my personal thought is that it is a consequence of the lack of the right marriage preparation.  A person who is not well prepared for a marriage is married with his immaturity, and thus his immaturity will expose the impatience that he wants to quickly fill his expectations of marriage.  And, in such a hurry, when his expectations are not fulfilled, he will become more self-centered in marriage.  In the end, rather than treating his spouse with the selfless love of Jesus, he will end up treating his spouse with selfish mind, and it is hard for that relationship to last long.

Those single brothers and sisters in the Lord who prepare themselves well for their future spouses recognize their immaturity first.  Thus, they pray humbly and faithfully to fulfill their responsibilities by complementing their immature areas by praying to God for a more mature transformation.  Otherwise, if they do not even recognize their own immature areas and are busy just finding a spouse and preparing for a wedding, then they even cannot make the right choice for their spouse.  Therefore, those single brothers and sisters in the Lord who are preparing for marriage should first get to know their immature areas as they examine and reflect themselves with the Word of God.  And then they must lay down all their immaturity in front of the Lord and ask Him for help.  And they must humbly and faithfully bear their own responsibilities.  In doing so, they can break down their unrealistic expectations that they had about marriage in immaturity and can be ready for their marriage with wisdom and realistic expectations.  As their high unrealistic expectations of marriage collapse in front of the Lord more and more, they will be able to pray wisely, expect and wait for the more realistic parts of their marriage.