‘Daily pressure on me’

"Apart from such external things, there is the daily pressure on me of concern for all the churches" (2 Corinthians 11:28).

I became a pastor without knowing anything.  My experience of associate pastor is only one year.  It is also an experience that I have been serving as a pastor for only one year while my father is serving as pastor in Victory Presbyterian Church where I grew up all along.  And after one year, I was burnout and disobeyed my father’s word and fled to Korea like Jonah.  When I went to Korea, I served as an educational part-time pastor in Seohyun Church, responsible for English Ministry and newly wedded couple group.  And I only served there about two years and nine months.  Of course, I know that being a pastor is not just an experience.  But that was how much I was lack in not only experience but a lot of thing.  In year 2003, the Lord gave me the promise of Matthew 16:18 through the guest speaker at the church renewal pastor association retreat, so I came back to Victory Presbytery Church again.  And my father retired and I became a new senior pastor.  It is already more than 15 years ago.  When I think about the past years, I still remember what my wife said to me: 'James, you have changed'.  My wife told me that I changed after I became a senior pastor.  Not only I didn’t deny what she said, but I couldn’t deny it.  That's because I knew I was different.  For some reason, the position of being a senior pastor seemed to have made me into someone else.  When I saw myself, I couldn’t speak with my brothers and sisters in the Lord as before, and I couldn’t even have fellowship with them.  Instead, I stayed in my shepherd room most time.  So I wondered why I was like that.  I couldn’t believe what the senior pastor position could do to me.  I think one of the reasons was the pressure being a senior pastor.  I think there were many mental pressures in particular of being senior pastor.  As a senior pastor, I felt more responsibility than ever, and I felt that I had a lot of pressure on myself.  Often I had more things to worry about and a lot of stress that made my heart very heavy.  To put it another way, there were a lot of daily pressure before me and even now too.  And yesterday night as I was preparing for the Morning Prayer meeting, I happened to read 2 Corinthians 11:28.

In 2 Corinthians 11:28 we can see that Apostle Paul facing daily pressure.  It was a concern for all the churches.  Paul had intense concern about the weak believers led into sin.  Look at 2 Corinthians 11:29 – “Who is weak without my being weak? Who is led into sin without my intense concern?”  In such Paul’s intense concern and worries, there was fear.  Paul was afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, Satan might tempt the believers to be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ (v. 3).  He was afraid that the believers might depart from the true gospel of Jesus Christ that he preached and might accept a different gospel (v. 4).  The reason why he had to worry about this was because there were false apostles who disguised themselves as apostles of Christ and were deceiving the church members (v. 13).  Since Satan disguised himself as an angel of light, it wasn’t surprising for Paul that if his servants also disguised themselves as servants of righteousness (vv. 14-15).  And Paul was afraid that Satan and his servants would deceive the believers and would make them to depart from the truth and their faith.  Because of this, there was the daily pressure on Paul of concern for all the churches (v. 28).

We the senior pastors must have this kind of pressure.  We must have this daily pressure of concern for our church members.  We must worry and be afraid that disguised Satan and his servants may deceive our church members, especially those who are weak in faith, and make them to depart from the truth and their faith.  Of course, besides this concern, there are many other concerns when we are in ministry.  But what we need to worry about most is their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Our greatest interest must be in their salvation.  We should be very interested in whether our beloved brothers and sisters in Christ are standing firm in their faith.  In doing so, I am sure there are many worries and fears because of the daily pressure of concern for them.  But I believe that the Lord will restore our souls and will refresh us.  The Lord will revival our hearts.  May these blessings be with you all.