When I was forsaken for a brief moment, I grieved in spirit
"’For the LORD has called you, Like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, Even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected,’ Says your God. ‘For a brief moment I forsook you, But with great compassion I will gather you. In an outburst of anger I hid My face from you for a moment, But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you,’ Says the LORD your Redeemer" (Isaiah 54:6-8).
One day I meditated on Isaiah 48:9 in the Morning Prayer meeting: “For the sake of My name I delay My wrath, And for My praise I restrain it for you, In order not to cut you off.” When I preached this Word of God to those who came to the Morning Prayer, I was actually preaching to myself so that we might together be slow to anger for the name of God and the glory of God. However, on that day I got angry when I was driving to go exercise after the Morning Prayer. I was angry in ignorance at a driver who pressed a honk behind me and I didn’t even know I was wrong. My heart was heavy due to the conscience-stricken. I was dismayed of myself because I disobeyed what I preached during the Morning Prayer as soon as I came out of the church. But more discouraging thing was I committed another sin against God during the lunch time, thinking that I already sin in the morning so mind as well. My conscience was again pierced and my heart was heavy and depressed. When my conscience was pierced I confessed my sins to God and ask Him forgiveness and grace of repentance because I knew that I have no power to turn back from sins. After these sins that I committed during morning and lunch time, it was only in the afternoon that I suddenly recalled the words of Isaiah 48:9 that I meditated in the Morning Prayer. Then I thought that God was slow to be angry and long-suffering with such sinner like me. Before this thought came into mind, I only thought about the fact that I wasn’t slow to anger for God’s name and His glory. But later that afternoon, the thought that God was slow to be angry and long-suffering with me came into my mind. At that moment I thank God for helping me to realize the abundant grace of God. How could I not give thanks to God who had been very patient and long-suffering with me and slow to anger with such sinner like me who continually disobeyed the Word that I preached and thus covering the glory of God and bringing shame on His holy name. So I had no choice but to thank him for his grace.
As I remember this grace of God again, I read and meditated on Isaiah 54:6-8 at the Morning Prayer meeting yesterday. I thought about God who is not only gracious and slow to anger, but also who brings us back with deep compassion (v. 7) after an outburst of anger (v. 8) and abandoning us briefly (v. 7). When I sin against God and not repent, God not only exposes my sins with His Word but also reproaches me with His love. The indwelling Spirit gives me the conscience-stricken with the word of God and makes me to acknowledge my sins. Therefore, I confess my sins to God and ask Him for forgiveness. However, because I cannot make a true repentance that turns away from sin, I again commit the same sin again and again to God. Although God warns me with His Word, I ignore His warnings and sin again. As a result, in His time God disciplines me in holy anger. At that time I cry out to God in pain, but I think God don’t listen to me but ignores me. And I feel desperate as the pain grows longer. And I even think that God has forsaken me. At that time I have no choice but to be sorrowful in my heart as a wife who is forsaken by her husband and grieved in spirit (v. 6). Like the husband who receive his wife again who was forsaken and grieved in spirit, God receives me again with His great love and has compassion on me with His everlasting lovingkindness (v. 8). My Redeemer Lord (v. 8) is angry with me for a while and forsaken me for a moment, but he calls me again, welcomes me with great love, and merciful with me with His eternal mercy.
However, this kind and compassionate God poured out all His wrath on His only begotten Son Jesus on the cross. At that time Jesus cried out to Father God on the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mt. 27:46). But God ignore His Son Jesus’ cry out even though He heard the Son’s voice. God didn’t have mercy on Jesus. Heavenly Father forsook His only begotten Son Jesus. Heavenly Father left His only begotten Jesus to die on the cross. I am the one who deserves eternal punishment, and Jesus has received that penalty for me. Therefore, God called me and greeted me with His great love. And God has been merciful to me with His eternal mercy. God will continue to have mercy on me now and forevermore.