Three Lessons a Mother Taught Her Son

[Proverbs 31:1-9]

What precious lesson from your mother is engraved deeply in your heart? Among well-known American basketball players familiar to us, one famous player is Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors. In May 2018, during Game 3 of the NBA Finals against the Houston Rockets, he shouted a harsh curse starting with “F” loudly during the game. His mother, who saw this on TV, later called him and reprimanded him. To make her son understand his mistake, his mother Sonia repeatedly showed him two videos. Stephen Curry said in an ESPN interview: “My mother told me to go wash my mouth out with soap and showed me how to keep my lips clean. She had told me this before... My mother was right. Things will get better, and I won’t talk like that anymore” (online source).

Personally, I read an article about the late Chairman Koo Bon-moon of Korea’s LG Company, who passed away in May 2018, and thought how much influence his mother had on him. The article’s title was “LG’s Impression, Sangnok Foundation... ‘Live a life of giving,’ a promise kept by his mother throughout his life.” The article included this: “The late chairman lived by his mother, the late Mrs. Ha Jeong-im’s teaching to ‘live a life of giving to others.’ He said, ‘If we are not trusted by the people or society, we cannot last,’ and invested his energy passionately as chairman and CEO of public foundations in welfare, culture, and education such as the LG Welfare Foundation, LG Yeonam Cultural Foundation, and LG Yeonam Academy” (online source).

In today’s text, Proverbs 31:1-9, we find important lessons a mother gave her son, King Lemuel, whom she received as a vow (verses 1-2). Reflecting on these three important lessons (verses 3-9), we seek the teachings they provide us. 

First, the mother admonished her son, “Do not waste your vigor on women.”

Look at Proverbs 31:3: “Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.” [(The Contemporary English Version) “Do not waste your vigor on women. Because of them, kings go wrong.”] Do you know what “vigor” means? I read an online article titled “Men, Be Strong (Strengthening Vigor in Daily Life).” The urologist who wrote it said, “Is there any other people obsessed with vigor like Koreans?” Koreans highly value vigor and consume all sorts of things believed to enhance it—from dog meat, deer antler, snakes, turtles, to deer blood, bear bile, and sea creatures—yet few understand what vigor truly is. According to that urologist, vigor is basically “blood.” “The male penis contains three soft spongy bodies, like sponges or loofahs, full of holes. When sexually stimulated, the central nervous system sends an ‘erection command,’ causing these spongy bodies to swell, drawing seven times the normal amount of blood into them. The penile veins are compressed by the expanded spongy bodies, trapping the blood inside. What people commonly call ‘vigor’—the hard, swollen state—is actually blood” (online source).

This term “vigor” also appears in Numbers 11:6 (Korean Revised Version): “Our vigor is dried up, there is nothing at all but this manna before our eyes.” In this passage’s context, the entire Israelite families cried in their tents (verse 4) because they imitated the greed of those living among them (verse 4). As a result, “the Israelites wept again and said, ‘Who will give us meat to eat?’” (verse 4), longing for the free fish, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, and garlic they ate in Egypt (verse 5). They were discontent and complained, saying their vigor had dried up because all they ate was manna given by God in the wilderness (verse 6). This was a complaint against God’s provision. They were greedy, unable to be thankful, and blamed God for their lack of meat and weakened vigor. Eventually, they complained that “It was better for us in Egypt” (verse 18), expressing discontent and dissatisfaction with God.

In today’s Proverbs 31:3 (Contemporary English Version), King Lemuel’s mother warns her son: “Do not waste your vigor on women. Because of them, kings fall.” In the Revised Korean Bible, “Do not give your strength to women” literally means the man’s strength in sexual relations, “vigor” (DBL Hebrew). The reason Lemuel’s mother warned him not to waste his vigor on women was because kings fall for that reason (verse 3, Contemporary English Version).

A perfect example is the famous King Solomon. 1 Kings 11:1-4 shows that Solomon loved many foreign women, besides Pharaoh’s daughter (verse 1). Although God had previously warned the Israelites not to marry those foreign nations lest they turn their hearts to idols (verse 2, Contemporary English Version), Solomon loved those women. With 700 wives and 300 concubines, those women turned his heart away from God (verse 3). When Solomon grew old, those women turned his heart to worship foreign gods (verse 4). Solomon sinned by idol worship because of these foreign wives before God’s eyes (verse 6). God appeared twice to warn Solomon not to serve foreign gods, but Solomon did not obey (verse 9, Contemporary English Version).

Therefore, Deuteronomy 17:17 says that when there was no king in Israel, God commanded through Moses at the time of the Exodus: “He must not have many wives, lest his heart turn away; nor must he accumulate large amounts of silver and gold for himself.” This command was given as the Israelites were to enter and possess the land of Canaan. If they desired a king like the nations around them (verse 14), God would appoint a chosen one from among them (verse 15) and commanded that the king should not have many horses (verse 16), many wives, or large amounts of silver and gold (verse 17).

Solomon disobeyed this command and had all three in abundance, and thus sinned against God. Thinking of Solomon’s disobedience and misuse of vigor on many wives, I recall the story of his father David sleeping with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah, his loyal soldier. David should not have wasted his vigor on women (Prov. 31:3), but he did with Bathsheba, who was not his wife. After committing adultery, he tried to cover up the sin, eventually ordering Uriah’s death, committing an even greater evil (2 Samuel 11). One consequence was that David’s son Amnon raped his half-sister Tamar, and her brother Absalom killed Amnon—events that unfolded within David’s family (chapter 13).

If, like King David or his son King Solomon, they use their vigor for women (Proverbs 31:3), as Proverbs 5:9 says, their honor will inevitably be lost to others. The Bible teaches that when we refuse to listen to God’s word and draw near to the door of the adulteress’s house, the first unfortunate outcome is that we lose our honor. Here, “honor” can be interpreted as “strength or vigor,” or it can be interpreted as “honor” itself. I think both interpretations make sense. It is true that when we do not keep away from the adulteress but draw near to her door and eventually fall into her temptation, we lose our strength (vigor), but even more so, we lose honor and glory. Today’s passage, Proverbs 31:3, states that kings using their vigor for women is an act of destroying themselves. Dr. Park Yoon-sun said: “Those who are deceived by women are essentially deceived by their own lust. How can a weak person who is a slave to lust rule a country? If the ruler becomes a slave to lust, all the officials will become so, and the people too. In such cases, the country will be filled with filthy beast-like people and will ultimately perish” (Park Yoon-sun). I think of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis. Why did those cities face God’s judgment and destruction? The reason was sexual corruption. “There is an English word ‘sodomy.’ This term is used to describe abnormal sexual acts like bestiality or homosexuality. The fact that the word ‘sodomy’ is derived from Sodom shows how sexually corrupt Sodom was” (Internet). Besides Sodom and Gomorrah, the Roman Empire comes to mind. Edward Gibbon, who wrote “The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire,” cited sexual corruption and the resulting destruction of families as one of the causes of Rome’s fall (Internet). “It is said that Rome fell because of the baths; sexual corruption occurred in the baths, and Rome had about 900 baths, with the baths built by Emperor Diocletian able to accommodate 3,000 bathers at once” (Internet).

Friends, we must be very cautious of sexual corruption. Everything in this sinful world is the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). We must be very cautious of the lust of the eyes and the lust of the flesh. We should only put on the Lord Jesus Christ and not make plans to satisfy the flesh’s desires (Romans 13:14). The Bible says, “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24). Therefore, we must not practice the lusts that will pass away but be those who do God’s will (1 John 2:17). From now on, we must live the remainder of our lives not for our desires (human desires) but for God’s will (1 Peter 4:2).

Secondly, the mother admonished her son, “Do not get drunk.”

Why do you think people drink to get drunk? I saw a comment in an online article: “One drink—people say it’s for health; when tipsy—it’s for pleasure; when drunk—it leads to wild behavior; when completely drunk—it causes madness” (Internet). One reason people drink is to feel good. Why does drinking make you feel good? Because drinking a little alcohol initially stimulates the central and peripheral nervous system, promotes stomach acid secretion, and causes the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that makes you feel good. However, drinking excessively or abusing alcohol for a long time sadly promotes brain cell destruction and suppresses brain function. Normally, about 100,000 brain cells die daily, but drinking a lot kills even more brain cells. Academic performance, memory, and thinking ability all decline, and this decline is proportional to the alcohol concentration. When excessively drunk, people often cannot remember what they said or did—they experience what is called “blackouts” (Internet).

When discussing whether Christians can drink alcohol or should not drink, what is important is what the Bible says. One theologian concluded that the Bible clearly commands not to get drunk, defining drunkenness as a serious sin and prohibiting it. He distinguished between drunkenness and drinking, noting that Jesus and his disciples drank wine but did not get drunk. He also said drinking is a matter of “adiaphora” (things indifferent) discussed in Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8—that is, something that may or may not be done. In conclusion, this theologian suggested that, given the harm alcohol and tobacco cause to the body and family, applying the principle of love and kindness (a principle of tolerance established for those weak in faith) means it is appropriate not to drink or smoke (Internet).

We have already meditated on God’s word under the title, “Do not reveal your own foolishness because of wine,” based on Proverbs 20:1. Look at Proverbs 20:1: “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.” Besides “wine,” “strong drink” refers to alcoholic beverages made from barley, dates, or pomegranates that cause intoxication (Isaiah 28:7). Therefore, the Bible forbids priests (Leviticus 10:9), Nazirite vows (Numbers 6:1-3), and others (Isaiah 5:11) from drinking (Walvoord). For example, Isaiah 28:7 says: “But these also reel with wine and stagger with strong drink; the priest and the prophet reel with strong drink, they are swallowed up by wine, they stagger with strong drink; they reel in vision, they stumble in judgment.” Can you imagine that? Priests and prophets, servants of God, staggering from wine and strong drink, misinterpreting visions, and making mistakes in judgment? What if pastors preached drunk on Sunday—how would you feel? That is why God commanded Aaron in Leviticus 10:9: “Do not drink wine or strong drink when you go into the tent of meeting, so that you may not die. This is a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants.” Proverbs 20:1 teaches us two harmful effects of wine and strong drink: they make us arrogant and cause quarrels. In other words, the harmful effect of wine and strong drink is that they lead us astray. They lead us down a foolish path, causing us to show anger immediately (Proverbs 12:16), provoke quarrels (20:3), and treat sin lightly (14:9). Ultimately, wine and strong drink reveal our own foolishness.

Please look at today’s passage, Proverbs 31:4:
“Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, nor for princes to desire strong drink”
[(Contemporary Bible) “Lemuel, a king must not drink wine, and a ruler must not crave liquor”].
Why did King Lemuel’s mother give such advice to her son?
What is the reason?
Look at Proverbs 31:5:
“Lest they drink and forget the law and pervert the rights of all the afflicted”
[(Contemporary Bible) “If a king drinks wine, he may forget the law and trample on the rights of the suffering”].
The reason Lemuel’s mother warned him not to drink wine or liquor was because when a king becomes drunk, he forgets the law and may easily give unjust judgments to his poor and needy people (v. 5, Park Yoon-sun).
More specifically, when a king is intoxicated, his reasoning and judgment become impaired, he cannot release guilty verdicts properly, and his heart tends to become distorted.
Drunkenness is unsuitable for rulers who need a clear, steady mind and sharp judgment (MacArthur).
Therefore, King Lemuel’s mother said to her son:
“Lemuel, it is not proper for kings to drink wine, nor for princes to desire strong drink” (v. 4), and then said,
“Give strong drink to those who are perishing, and wine to those who are bitter of soul” (v. 6).
Why did Lemuel’s mother say that strong drink and wine should be given to those who are dying or sorrowful in heart?
Look at Proverbs 31:7:
“They drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more”
[(Contemporary Bible) “Then they drink it and forget their poverty and their pain”].
The reason is that for those who are dying or sorrowful in heart, strong drink and wine serve as a kind of medicine that helps them forget their needs and pain (Believer’s Bible Commentary).

There are times when we want to forget our own pain or poverty, but we must not forget God’s commandments (His Word).
No matter how severe our pain or poverty, we must not become drunk.
The reason is that Romans 13:13 says drunkenness is part of the deeds of darkness.
Also, as 1 Peter 4:3 says, drunkenness is not living according to God’s will but according to human desires, so we must not get drunk.
Another reason we must avoid drunkenness is because, as Luke 21:34 warns, drunkenness can dull our hearts.
And as King Solomon confessed in Ecclesiastes 2:3, trying to find pleasure through drunkenness is foolish, so we should not get drunk.

Therefore, in times of suffering, we must not get drunk on alcohol but rather be filled with God’s Word.
We should draw closer to God’s Word and remember it (Prov. 31:5).
When our hearts are full of sorrow, God calls us through His Word (Isaiah 54:6, Contemporary Bible).
God’s Word says, “Let not your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me” (John 14:1).
Therefore, in the midst of our worries, we should trust God and cast all our anxieties upon Him, who cares for us according to His Word (1 Peter 5:7).
When we do so, God will comfort our troubled hearts and make our souls joyful (Psalm 94:19).

Finally, thirdly, the mother admonished her son, “You shall take care of the poor.”

Do you remember the recent news in Korea about the Judicial Administration Office under the Supreme Court, which allegedly tried to negotiate judicial deals with the Blue House over the establishment of the appellate court?
An internet article quoted a Chief Judge named Choi who pointed out:
“Regarding the judicial deal revealed by documents from the Judicial Administration Office, he said, ‘The Judicial Administration Office treated court cases as political bargaining chips or commodities, denying the constitutional values of the people’s expectation of fair trials and judicial independence, thus causing a tragic collapse of the judiciary’s very foundation’” (internet).
When I saw that news, I wondered, if the judicial deal was true, how could it happen in the Supreme Court where the Chief Justice is involved?
Then who could the Korean people trust to oversee the Supreme Court?
If there was judicial dealing in the highest court of a country, how would the citizens harmed by it feel?
Would they not feel wronged?
How unfair it is when the powerless suffer under the powerful.
The citizens of our country want fair trials from the judiciary; no one wants unfair trials.

In the Old Testament book of Amos, even in the time of the prophet Amos, judges took bribes and oppressed the poor. Therefore, the Canaanites suffered injustice (Amos 5:12). Ultimately, when bribes are accepted, judges become biased (2 Chronicles 19:7) and cannot help but distort justice (Proverbs 17:23). In 1 Samuel chapter 8, the elders of Israel came to Samuel and requested that, like other nations, they wanted a king to rule over them (verses 4-5). The reason was that Samuel appointed his two sons, Joel and Abijah, as judges in Israel to replace him in his old age (verses 1-2, Contemporary Korean Bible), but they did not follow their father Samuel’s ways (verse 5, Contemporary Korean Bible). That is, Samuel, from his youth until his old age with white hair, served as Israel’s leader without ever accepting bribes, and the people recognized that Samuel had never taken a bribe even once (12:1-4, Contemporary Korean Bible). However, his two sons, Joel and Abijah, unlike their father Samuel, “were greedy for money, accepted bribes, and did not administer justice fairly” (8:3, Contemporary Korean Bible). Therefore, all the elders of Israel asked Samuel, “Appoint a king to rule over us, like all the other nations” (verse 5, Contemporary Korean Bible).

In the New Testament, Acts chapter 16 records that Paul and Silas were beaten with rods after their superiors ordered them to be stripped and flogged, then imprisoned (verses 22-23). At that time, Roman citizens were entitled to a fair trial with proper legal procedures, unlike non-citizens. However, despite Paul and Silas being Roman citizens, they were neither given a fair trial according to Roman law nor treated justly; they were severely beaten and imprisoned without due process (Yoo Sangseop). This shows that from the Old Testament times through the New Testament era and even now, many suffer injustice through unfair trials. Thus, God commands us in Deuteronomy 24:17: “Do not deny justice to the foreigner or the fatherless; do not take a widow’s garment as a pledge” (Contemporary Korean Bible). Furthermore, James 1:27 says: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (Contemporary Korean Bible).

Look at today’s passage, Proverbs 31:8-9: “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy” (Contemporary Korean Bible). The mother of King Lemuel did not want her son to drink wine and strong drink to the point of forgetting the law and rendering unjust judgments against the poor (verse 5). Instead, she desired that King Lemuel judge fairly, especially for the poor, powerless, and suffering people. She wanted him to represent them, defend their truth, and resolve their unjust cases. In short, Lemuel’s mother wanted her son to care for the poor and helpless.

Proverbs 14:21 and 14:31 say in the Contemporary Korean Bible: “Whoever despises their neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is the one who is kind to the needy. ... Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.” The Bible says that those who show mercy to the poor are blessed and truly honor God. Lemuel’s mother wanted her son to be such a person who honors God and is blessed. So, she urged King Lemuel to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves [the mute (in the traditional Korean Bible)], for the lonely, the poor, and the needy, to judge with justice and defend them. In other words, she urged him to show mercy to the poor.

Friends, how should we show mercy to the poor? One of my university roommates is currently working as a lawyer and also volunteers with Justice Ventures International, an organization that takes great risks to bring justice to many countries. I know he once took a vacation in the summer to go to India with members of that group to serve. Their work there is to help the poor and powerless receive fair trials by defending and assisting them. The organization’s vision is: “Our vision is to see unjust communities transformed into communities ordered according to God’s standard of love where human rights and dignity are respected by all.” The volunteers and workers of that organization strive not only in India but worldwide to bring freedom, justice, and restoration to men, women, and children suffering from human trafficking and other extreme injustices, working together with local organizations and global stakeholders. I recently received a newsletter from that group titled “Four Girls Rescued from Domestic Slavery.” This shows that my college junior serves and helps the poor and powerless out of compassion, and we all, according to the Lord’s guidance, should care for and help the poor and helpless. Lemuel’s mother wanted her son to judge fairly those poor, powerless, and suffering people, to represent them, defend their truth, and resolve their grievances. Regarding such a king, the psalmist says in Psalm 72:4, 12-14: “He will defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy; he will crush the oppressor. ... For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight.” If a king rules this way, would the poor and needy not have hope? How comforting and encouraging it would be to know that their king understands their injustice and oppression and has compassion on them to rescue them! Lemuel’s mother wanted her son to be such a king. Seeing how she wanted her son to care for the needy, we too must dedicate ourselves to helping the needy. But in our dedication, we must care for those around us who inspire compassion in our hearts with the Lord’s love.

To close this reflection, there is a piece written by Choi Hyo-seop, a children’s author and pastor, titled “Mother, Ah That Sacred Name.” It says: “Children, the clearest mark left on your hearts is that of your mother. There is a saying in Western folklore, ‘The last mark that the devil can take from a human is the mark of their mother.’ The devil can easily take away the influence from books or heroes, but the mark of a mother is so deep that even the devil cannot take it away” (Internet). This shows how deeply a mother’s influence affects and shapes a child’s entire life. Proverbs 31:1-9 is the three lessons King Lemuel’s mother gave him. These three lessons are: first, “Do not waste your vigor on women” (verse 3); second, “Do not get drunk” (verse 4); and third, “Take care of the poor and needy” (verses 8-9). We must be very wary of sexual immorality. We must clothe ourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and not gratify the desires of the flesh (Romans 13:14). We should not pursue fleeting lusts but be doers of God’s will (1 John 2:17). From now on, we must live not for our own desires but for God’s will (1 Peter 4:2). Also, we must not be intoxicated in suffering but rather be intoxicated with God’s word. We must draw closer to God’s word and remember it (Proverbs 31:5). We must dedicate ourselves to caring for the poor and needy, caring for those who inspire compassion in our hearts with the Lord’s love.