What Kind of Person Should We Be?

[Proverbs 27:15-19]

Everyone, how has your faith life been lately? When you live your faith, where do you primarily focus? Is it on doing or on being? Personally, I believe we should focus more on being than on doing in our spiritual lives. In other words, I think we should live our faith focusing more on the question, "Who am I before God?" rather than "What am I doing for the Lord and His church?" The reason is that I believe who I am is much more important than what I do. In other words, “being” is far more important than “doing.” I believe that doing should naturally flow from being. To do that, we must become true Christians. Only then can we live a life worthy of Christians.

Today, I want to reflect on what kind of person we should be, focusing on Proverbs 27:15-19. I hope that all of us humbly accept the lessons the Lord gives and obey them.

First, we must be peacemakers.

Look at Proverbs 27:15: “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof”
(or in the Contemporary Bible: “A wife who likes to argue is like constant dripping rain on a rainy day”).

Have you ever seen water leaking through a roof? If you have, how did you feel? I still vividly remember how on rainy days water would drip drop by drop from the roof of our sanctuary. Later, our Hispanic ministry pastor climbed up and had waterproofing done on the roof. When the church was remodeled, we found out that because water had leaked for a long time, the wood in the church ceiling had rotted. If it had been left as it was, the ceiling could have collapsed. When I heard this from the workers, I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking how fortunate we were.

Proverbs 27:15 says, “A quarrelsome wife is like constant dripping rain on a rainy day.” The Contemporary Bible translates it as “a wife who likes to argue is like continuous raindrops.” A similar passage is found in Proverbs 19:13 (the latter half): “...a quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof.” What does this mean? It means a wife who habitually argues with her husband is like dripping rain that never stops; once an argument starts, she does not stop speaking (Park Yoon Sun). Would there be peace in such a home? Rarely. Furthermore, children in such homes cannot help but feel anxious because their parents keep arguing and fighting. Just as when you see water dripping from the roof and think “If this keeps up, the ceiling might collapse,” children who see their parents arguing daily may worry, “What if my parents get divorced?” and feel anxious.

In Proverbs 27:15, the Bible speaks of “a quarrelsome wife,” and the Contemporary Bible translates it as “a wife who likes to argue.” This means the wife habitually argues with her husband at home. What a bad habit to have! Of course, it is not just wives; many husbands also like to argue and have this habit. Why is that? Why do couples argue? And why does it become a habit? Look at James 4:1: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” The cause of fights between spouses is the fighting desires within each person, and the habitual fighting happens because they cannot control these desires. This is because the spouses are not filled with the Holy Spirit, and they lack self-control—one of the fruits of the Spirit. Because they cannot control especially their anger, they continue fighting and say harsh words in their anger (Prov. 15:18, 1). So, while Proverbs 21:9 calls her a “quarrelsome woman,” verse 19 calls her a “quarrelsome and angry woman.” The reason is that the root cause of quarrels is the inability to hold back anger. How do we know this? Because “a person quick to anger stirs up conflict” (15:18), but “whoever is slow to anger calms a dispute” (18). Therefore, Proverbs 21:9 and 19 say: “Better to live in a corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife... better to live in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome and angry wife” (Contemporary Bible: “Better to live alone on a rooftop than with a quarrelsome, ill-tempered wife... better to live alone in the desert than with a wife who loves to argue.”)

Friends, it is better to live in a hut or in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome, angry wife in a big house. Even if the house is big and comfortable, it is better to live in harmony—even if in a small hut—than to live comfortably but quarrel constantly. We must dedicate ourselves to building harmonious marriages in the Lord.

We must become peacemakers.
Look at 2 Corinthians 5:18: “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.” We must faithfully carry out this ministry of reconciliation. But first, we must carry out the ministry of reconciliation in our homes. And in doing so, we must first strive for harmony between husband and wife. To do this, at least three things must be strived for.

(1) We should not repeatedly speak of each other’s faults but cover them.

Please look at Proverbs 17:9: “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Satan causes us not only to notice each other’s faults more clearly and repeatedly speak of them to one another with our lips, but also to speak of them to others. This sows discord in the marital relationship and causes fights. Moreover, Satan makes us keep a mental record of the wrongs done by the other person, causing us to speak repeatedly of those wrongs, which results in conflict and discord in human relationships. We must resist this temptation of Satan, win the spiritual battle, and by God's grace—who covers our faults—cover each other’s faults.

(2) For the harmony of the marriage, we must stop quarrels before they begin.

Please look at Proverbs 17:14: “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” What do couples or children usually quarrel about at home? Is it over something big or something very small? Couples often fight over very trivial things. Usually, when we quarrel, we should stop the quarrel, but because we do not, a fight that started over something small often escalates into a bigger fight. Therefore, we must stop disputes before they start.

(3) For marital harmony, we must sacrifice ourselves (Mark 9:5), deny ourselves (8:34), be humble (9:34-37), and serve one another (verse 41).

We must be peacemakers. Our mission is to make peace. We must fulfill the ministry of reconciliation between neighbors. Also, from God's perspective, looking at each soul made in God's image, we must reconcile that soul to God through the gospel of Christ. This is the purpose of our lives. Not only in the family but also in the church and everywhere, we must be peacemakers. Therefore, I pray that you and I, who are called children of God, will be such people (Matthew 5:9).

Secondly, we must become helpers to one another.

Pastor Paul David Tripp said in his book What Did You Expect?:

“No, what we are getting is something we desperately need, the uncomfortable grace of personal growth and change.”

Without God’s grace, two people—different in personality, upbringing, and thought—cannot live together in one family. But this grace is an “uncomfortable grace” because two different people in marriage must break and be broken many times. I believe that for a couple to be “sharpened,” like “iron sharpens iron,” people must “sharpen” one another (Proverbs 27:17, Contemporary Bible). For iron to sharpen iron, the two irons must clash well. Likewise, for a couple to sharpen each other, they must “fight well” in the Lord. Couples who fight well in the Lord acknowledge God’s sovereignty and do not judge each other's differences as right or wrong, but rather say, “We are just different.” They use those differences as opportunities for mutual change and growth. They complement each other’s differences, becoming more complete together. Through their differences, they grow together in the Lord. Therefore, they appreciate and respect their differences. This is the uncomfortable grace of personal growth and change that couples desperately need.

Please look at Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Contemporary Bible: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another”). Here, “iron sharpens iron” is a metaphor for Christians helping one another (Park Yun-sun). We are taught to help one another so that our brothers and sisters may grow and shine (Park Yun-sun).

How then should we help our brothers and sisters to grow and shine, like iron sharpening iron? Here are four thoughts:

(1) To sharpen our friends, we must reflect our hearts to them.

Please look at Proverbs 27:19: “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart” (Contemporary Bible: “Just as water reflects a person’s face, so a person’s heart reflects the person”). When we hold our face to water by a stream, our face is reflected; likewise, in meeting our friends, we must reflect our hearts. We must open our hearts wide and approach our friends with sincerity and transparency. Especially in conversation, we must open our hearts honestly and truthfully. When the Holy Spirit within us connects our hearts, we can sharpen each other.

(2) To sharpen our friends, we must counsel them with God’s truthful word.

Please look at Proverbs 27:9: “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice” (Contemporary Bible: “Just as oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a friend’s honest advice is sweet to the soul”). The Holy Spirit opens our hearts to reflect transparently to our friends and also helps us recall God’s word so we can counsel our friends accordingly. The Spirit counsels at the right time, which is important—because no matter how good the counsel, if the timing is wrong, we cannot sharpen our friends. Proverbs 27:14 warns: “If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.” Even blessings shouted too early can be disliked. The Spirit gives us grace to help at the right moment, counseling with God’s word so that we sharpen our friends.

(3) To sharpen our friends, we must praise them.

Please look at Proverbs 27:2: “Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; an outsider, and not your own lips” (Contemporary Bible: “Don’t praise yourself; let others do that”). When we open our hearts and talk with our friends, we must not only counsel with God’s word but also praise them. How is this possible? Because the Holy Spirit within us opens our spiritual eyes to see our friends’ strengths and helps us praise them. Through praise, the Spirit encourages, comforts, and strengthens our friends. So we must praise our friends sincerely, never stingy with praise. By loving praise, we sharpen our friends.

(4) To sharpen our friends, we must rebuke them.

Please look at Proverbs 27:5-6: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Contemporary Bible: “Open rebuke is better than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy”). Though we are accustomed to hidden love rather than rebuke, the Bible says rebuke is better than hidden love. Also, faithful wounds from a friend are better than deceitful kisses from an enemy. “Wounds of a friend” means wounds caused by a friend. Why is a friend’s wounding better than an enemy’s false kisses? Because an enemy hates us and seeks to destroy us even with false kisses, while a friend loves us and wants to build us up with sincere rebuke. Therefore, we must understand that our friend’s loving rebuke comes from love. We must also recognize that the painful wounds from a friend’s loving rebuke are beneficial. We should be able to give our friends such loving rebuke. Only then can we sharpen our friends.

Just as iron sharpens iron, we must sharpen our friends.
We should open wide the door of our hearts and, with the truth that the Holy Spirit who dwells within us reminds us of, we must sharpen our friends. And we must look at the strengths of our friends as revealed by the Holy Spirit and sincerely praise them. We must also admonish our friends with the love of the Holy Spirit. May you and I glorify God by sharpening our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Thirdly, we must be keepers (guardians).

Friends, what is it that you most want to guard? Probably, what we all want to guard are the people we love—our family members. Especially as parents, the desire to protect our children is an instinct. In particular, as spiritual parents, we earnestly pray to protect the faith of our children. Living in a world full of temptation and deception, it is inevitable that as parents, we have a deep desire to protect our children’s faith.

Look at James 1:27:
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (NIV)
This kind of pure faith is something we desire to pass on not only to ourselves but also to our children. This is the heartfelt hope and prayer of parents.

Now, look at Proverbs 27:18:
"He who tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and whoever protects their master will be honored." (NIV)
Here, "protects" means to guard, referring to the duty of a watchman who protects their master from enemies (according to Dr. Park Yoon Sun’s commentary). Therefore, the first part of the verse says "he who tends the fig tree." According to Dr. Park, the fig is a very noble fruit, and to make sure the fig tree bears good fruit, it must be carefully tended. Young fig trees need well-tilled soil to bear fruit, and old fig trees must be well cared for so the fruit does not rot.

Likewise, as guardians of those we love, we must help, care for, and protect them so they may bear precious and beautiful fruit in their lives. Especially, "we must be watchmen so that the glory of God is not damaged" (Park Yoon Sun).

Recently, I experienced some difficult times in church, and my heart was uneasy because I realized that in my ignorance I had broken the word of God I had meditated on and preached, acting in ways inconsistent with it. So I prayed to God, asking forgiveness for my sins and that His glory would not be hidden because of me. Thankfully, God answered our prayers so that His glory is no longer hidden.

Our God cherishes His holy name more than anyone else.
Look at Ezekiel 36:21-23:
"I did it for my name’s sake, that it might not be profaned in the eyes of the nations among whom they live." (NIV)
When we sin before God and defile His holy name in front of many people, our God cherishes that defiled name and makes it holy. Therefore, we too must live as saints who cherish the holy name of God and guard it from being defiled.

I recall Psalm 121:3-8:
"He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
Our God watches over us (v.3). The God who watches over us neither slumbers nor sleeps (v.5), protecting us from all dangers and keeping our lives safe (v.7, NIV). Therefore, we must pray that God guard our hearts—the source of life—above all else (Prov. 4:23), and also continually pray that He protect the faith and lives of our beloved family and church members.

To conclude this meditation: Friends, we must focus more on being than on doing in our faith life. We must remember that who we are before the Lord is more important than what we do for Him. Therefore, our earnest prayer must be to become more like Jesus. We must become genuine Christians.

From Proverbs 27:15-19, we learned three lessons on what kind of Christians we should be:
(1) We must be peacemakers (v.15).
(2) We must be helpers to one another (v.17).
(3) We must be keepers (guardians) (v.18).

May you and I become such people so that wherever we are and whatever we do, we reflect the true nature of Christians and glorify God.