Five Types of People to Stay Away From

[Proverbs 26:17–22]

Last week, while reading the Gospel of John before going to bed, a thought came to my mind, and I wrote it down. The main point of that reflection was about “people we should stay away from,” but personally, I have focused more on “people we should draw near to.” I wrote down two kinds of people we should stay close to: they are (1) truthful people (Proverbs 12:22) and (2) those who do not stumble in what they say (James 3:2). Then who are the people we should stay away from?

Look at John 8:44:

“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.”

Reading this, I realized that we Christians should stay away from liars. What do you think? Aside from liars, who else should we avoid?

Today, based on Proverbs 26:17–22, I’d like to reflect on five types of people we should avoid. I pray that as we meditate on these types, we will receive and obey the lessons God gives us.

The first group of people we must stay away from are those people who are foolish as grabbing a dog by the ears

Look at Proverbs 26:17:

“Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.”
[Modern Translation: “Getting involved in an argument that is none of your business is like grabbing a dog by the ears.”]

Now, imagine grabbing a dog by the ears. How do you think the dog will react? I came across an internet article titled, “Do Dogs Like Having Their Ears Pulled?” Here are some of the responses people gave online:

• (a) “Ears are a weak spot for all animals. They try to protect them.”

• (b) “Dogs really hate it and it hurts them.”

• (c) “Absolutely not. Dogs’ ears are sensitive… same with their tails.”

• (d) “Some dogs will bite if you grab their ears. Don’t do it carelessly.”

• (e) “It can be dangerous. I’ve been bitten by my own dog for that—really painful.”

According to Pastor John MacArthur, in the time of the writer of Proverbs, dogs in Palestine were not domesticated as they are today. So grabbing a dog’s ears was a dangerous thing to do.

That’s why the writer of Proverbs says it’s foolish. He likens it to meddling in an argument that has nothing to do with you.

The word “meddles” literally means “to excite oneself over it” (Walvoord). So the foolish person being described here is someone who gets overly excited and involved in quarrels that don’t concern them. In stronger terms, it’s the type of person who gets a thrill from others fighting, and involves themselves unnecessarily, often escalating the conflict.

From this, we learn three important lessons (based on Park Yoon-sun):

(1) We should not meddle in other people’s affairs.

Have you heard the old Korean saying, “A nosy person is like the innkeeper’s dog”? It describes someone who jumps into any situation and tries to interfere. Do you know someone like that? Someone who gets involved in everything—even when they can’t handle their own problems?

There’s another saying: “Stop interfering in others’ affairs—take care of the fire on your own foot first.”
1 Peter 4:15 says,

“Do not suffer as a meddler in other people’s matters.” [Modern Translation]

We don’t need to suffer unnecessary trouble by interfering in fights that have nothing to do with us. Meddling is not wise, nor is it an expression of love for our neighbor.

(2) We should not take sides in other people’s conflicts.

Excessive curiosity often leads from meddling to active participation. For example, if two brothers in the church are fighting, and we get too curious, we might dig into it, listen to both sides, and before long, lose neutrality. We might end up taking a side and making the conflict worse.

But our role should not be to amplify conflict. Rather, we are called to reconcile.
Because of Christ’s atoning death, we have been reconciled to God (Romans 5:10), and He has given us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18) and entrusted to us the message of reconciliation (v.19).

Romans 12:18 tells us,

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”

We are called to be peacemakers.

(3) Meddling or joining others’ quarrels can bring harm to ourselves.

Have you heard the North Korean saying, “Trying to help an angry jackal and getting bitten instead”? It means that if you recklessly interfere with someone who is angry, you may get hurt yourself.

Have you ever been harmed by interfering with someone in a rage?

I have two thoughts about “harm”:

• (a) Sometimes we need to accept material loss in order to recover spiritual riches.

• (b) What looks like a loss to us may actually be turned into God’s blessing (see Ruth 4).

But today’s passage, Proverbs 26:17, adds another insight:
We don’t need to suffer unnecessary loss from meddling in other people’s affairs. That kind of loss is not just harmful to us—it can also harm the people involved in the quarrel and even damage the church community.

Such loss has no benefit, so there’s no reason to bear it. We need to distinguish between worthwhile loss (e.g., spiritual gain or God's redirection) and foolish loss (e.g., meddling in others’ fights). We must discern wisely, even in what we choose to “lose.”

In conclusion:
We must not interfere in quarrels that don’t involve us. Who in their right mind would grab a dog’s ears, knowing they’ll get bitten? That’s foolishness.

Proverbs 26:17 warns us not to act so foolishly. Don’t jump into fights that aren’t your business. Let’s be wise and discerning in how we interact with others.

The second group of people we must stay away from are those who, like madmen, throw torches and shoot arrows to kill others.

Dear friends, have you ever seen a scene in a Korean historical drama where people hold torches and then throw them at a house? Or have you seen in war movies how soldiers shoot arrows with fire attached to them? Why do soldiers shoot flaming arrows into the enemy's camp during battle? Isn’t it with the intent to kill the enemy?

In today's passage, Proverbs 26:18, the writer of Proverbs says, “Like a madman who throws torches and shoots arrows to kill.” Let’s look at Proverbs 26:18-19:

“Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death,
so is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking.’”
[Modern Translation: “A person who deceives his neighbor and then says, ‘I was only joking,’ is like a madman who throws torches and shoots arrows to kill.”]

The phrase “a madman who throws torches and shoots arrows to kill” is literally translated from the original Hebrew as “a madman who throws fire, arrows, and death.” This refers to a person who attaches fire to arrows and shoots them—someone who takes human life lightly and schemes to commit murder. We must stay away from people like this.

Whenever I hear about mass shootings in the U.S. on the news, I often think these are deranged individuals who disregard human life and plot to murder. How can anyone value life so little—entering a school with a gun and opening fire, taking the precious lives of many young students? It’s beyond comprehension.

I once heard a news anchor say that gun control laws need to be strengthened. Among those laws, one proposal was to investigate the buyer’s mental health history and prohibit selling guns to people with mental disorders (for example, those who have received psychiatric treatment, etc.). When I heard that, I thought, “Well, of course—that’s exactly how it should be.”

Just imagine: what happens if you sell guns to a mentally ill person?

According to one online article, in the past 15 years in the U.S., childhood bipolar disorder (manic-depressive disorder) has increased 40-fold, and autism diagnoses have risen 20-fold. Just a century ago, only six types of mental disorders were recognized—now there are over 200 (also from the internet). In such a situation, what happens if we don’t tighten gun control laws and allow even those with bipolar disorder to buy guns?

Now imagine: if a madman, someone who takes life lightly and schemes murder, stood in front of you holding a gun—how would you feel? Wouldn’t you be terrified, overwhelmed by fear of death?

The Bible says that “the one who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I was only joking’” is like that madman who throws torches and shoots arrows to kill (v.19). This kind of person deceives others without hesitation and with a merciless heart. And after deceiving, he/she doesn’t feel remorse or regret—instead, they delight in it (according to theologian Park Yoon-sun).

Can you imagine such a person—who lies and deceives without any sense of guilt, and instead takes joy in it? How cruel and insane is that? The one who enjoys giving others deadly emotional wounds through deception, and then just brushes it off by saying, “I was only joking”—Proverbs tells us this person is like a madman who throws torches and shoots arrows to kill.

Friends, we must guard our tongues.
In James chapter 3, the Bible says that “the tongue is a fire, a world of evil” (v.6), and that “the tongue is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison” (v.8). Though it is a small part of the body, just as a small spark can set a great forest ablaze, an uncontrolled tongue can bring great harm (v.5).

We must not misuse our tongues to cause great damage to others—especially, we must not deceive others with our words.

In Leviticus 25:14, the Bible says:

“...You shall not wrong one another.”
[Modern Translation: “Do not deceive one another.”]

We already meditated on Proverbs 24:28, which says:

“Do not testify against your neighbor without cause, and do not deceive with your lips.”

And Proverbs 25:18 says:

“Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is one who gives false testimony against a neighbor.”

We must not deceive our neighbors with our lips. Even if someone lies to or deceives us, we must not respond in kind.

Of course, the reason we should not repay evil with evil is because the Bible forbids us from taking revenge. But more than that, as Christians, we should not lie or deceive our neighbors.

If we lie to and deceive our neighbors, we are pleasing the devil, who is “the father of lies” (John 8:44).
As Christians, we must not lie. We must be people of truth.

I pray that you and I will be built up as true and honest Christians.

The third type of people we must distance ourselves from are chatterboxes or talkative people.

I came across an internet article titled, “How to Get Rid of a Talkative Coworker,” and I read through it. According to the article, there is one major cause of conflict in many workplaces: it is the incessant chatter of coworkers who overshare their personal lives. A certain survey targeting 514 professionals and corporate workers found that 3 out of 5 employees said they had at least one coworker who overshared their private life at least once a week. These chatterboxes frequently disrupt the work of their colleagues and pose a threat not only to their own careers but also to the careers of others.

In today's main text, Proverbs 26:20, the writer of Proverbs says, “Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.” (New Korean Standard Version: “When the wood runs out, the fire dies; when the chatterbox is gone, the fight ends.”)

Friends, what kind of person is a chatterbox or a talkative person? Generally, when we think of such a person, we imagine someone who talks too much (a gabbler). We also associate them with being a gossip. At the same time, the word also refers to someone who spills secrets—a blabbermouth. If you had such a person around you, how would you feel? Wouldn’t it be exhausting?

The writer of Proverbs has already spoken on this in Proverbs 11:13 and 20:19:
“A gossip goes around revealing secrets, but a trustworthy person keeps things confidential.” (11:13, New Korean Standard Version)
“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” (20:19, New Korean Standard Version)

From these verses, we learn that a chatterbox is someone who goes around exposing other people’s secrets. The lesson here is this: if we are in conflict with a neighbor and that person happens to be a chatterbox, we must be cautious with our words—because they may go around spilling our secrets. Therefore, we must be careful around them. We must never reveal the depths of our hearts to such people.

Why does the writer of Proverbs say in 26:20 that quarrels die down when the chatterbox is gone? The reason is that such people reveal the secret (hidden) matters of others (Proverbs 11:13, 20:19). Another reason is that these chatterboxes go around spreading words that drive wedges between people (1 Timothy 5:13), causing conflict (according to Pastor Yoon Sun Park).

Indeed, in Proverbs 16:28, it says:
“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” (New Korean Standard Version: “A gossip separates close friends.”)
Therefore, the writer concludes that quarrels die down when the chatterbox is removed (Proverbs 26:20).

Thus, the Bible instructs us not to reveal other people’s secrets when there is a matter that could lead to a dispute between two people. The reason is recorded in Proverbs 25:10:
“Or the one who hears it may shame you, and the charge against you will stand.” (New Korean Standard Version: “Otherwise, the one who hears it will shame you, and your bad reputation will never leave you.”)
In other words, if we reveal someone’s secret during a conflict, those who hear it may end up shaming us. As a result, our reputation may be damaged.

Pastor Yoon Sun Park commented on this as follows:

“Why is it that when someone reveals another’s secret during a quarrel, they themselves end up feeling ashamed?
It’s because one should speak only to resolve the issue at hand.
But if one departs from the issue and begins to reveal the other’s hidden faults, that becomes a personal attack.
Personal attacks are never intended to discern truth—they are base behavior.
The other person’s private matters belong to their personal domain, and invading that is rude.
As a result, the attacker will live with shame for the rest of their life, and it will be hard to avoid the hatred of the one attacked.
Therefore, if people must inevitably argue, they must do so with a calm mind and focus solely on the issue.”

I believe this is a very sound point. In a dispute, we should not reveal someone else’s secret, but only speak to resolve the issue at hand. However, we often fail to do so. Why? One possible reason is that we lose focus on resolving the problem and instead focus only on the issue itself—believing that the other person is solely to blame. That’s when we begin launching personal attacks.

And the reason we go so far as to personally attack others is because we have “desires that battle within” us (James 4:1).

Friends, we need to stay away from talkative people or chatterboxes. Especially those who easily reveal other people’s secrets—we must be cautious of them. The reason is simple: if we keep such chatterboxes close, quarrels will never cease. Therefore, if we want to avoid conflict, we must stay away from them.

The fourth type of person we must avoid is someone who loves to quarrel.

Everyone, do you remember how we used to go on church picnics twice a year, grilling meat in the park? Have you ever seen the brothers of the church pour lighter fluid on the charcoal to start the fire? When the charcoal seemed to be burning out while grilling, they would add more charcoal to keep it going. The same goes for wood fires—when the wood seems to be burning out, we add more wood.

Look at today’s main text, Proverbs 26:21:

"As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome person for kindling strife."
(The Modern Korean Translation says: "Just as charcoal stirs up embers and wood keeps a fire burning, so a person who loves to quarrel stirs up fights.")

The writer of Proverbs is saying that a person who loves to argue is like someone who adds charcoal to embers or wood to a burning fire, stirring up fights. Now, if the clothes you're wearing caught on fire, what would you do? Wouldn't you pour water on them to extinguish the flames? But what would happen if, instead of pouring water, you poured gasoline? The fire would flare up even more, right?

Likewise, when two people are quarreling, and we—as peacemakers—should be pouring water on the situation, what happens if we pour gasoline instead? Won’t the quarrel escalate even further? For example, when two family members are arguing at home, someone might foolishly get involved and actually make the situation worse. When your spouse and child are arguing, instead of bringing peace, you might unintentionally make the argument bigger. This usually happens because we ourselves can’t control our emotions and end up getting caught in their emotional conflict, becoming angry ourselves and inflaming the situation.

That’s why the writer of Proverbs says in 15:18:

"A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
(The Modern Korean Translation says: "A quick-tempered person stirs up conflict, but someone who is slow to anger calms disputes.")

Someone who gets angry easily stirs up strife. But someone who is slow to anger stops the quarrel.

In Proverbs 25:24, which we’ve already meditated on, the writer talks about a "quarrelsome woman." He says it is better to live alone in a small hut than to share a large house with a quarrelsome woman. Why does a wife argue with her husband?

Look at Proverbs 15:1:

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
(The Modern Korean Translation: "A soft answer calms anger, but harsh words provoke it.")

Can you imagine? If you speak gentle words to someone who is angry, you can calm them down—but if you speak harshly, it’s like pouring oil on a fire. The reason a wife argues with her husband is because of a "slanderous tongue."

Look at Proverbs 25:23:

"Like the north wind brings rain, so a slandering tongue provokes anger."
(The Modern Korean Translation: "Just as the north wind brings rain, a slandering tongue stirs up anger.")

The "slandering tongue" here refers to a "secretive tongue"—a person who flatters or gossips in a way that harms others for their own benefit. When a husband hears such words, he gets angry, and that leads to conflict between the couple.

That’s why Proverbs 21:9 and 19 say:

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife … Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”
(The Modern Korean Translation: "Better to live alone in the corner of a roof than with a quarrelsome woman in a big house … Better to live alone in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome, ill-tempered woman.")

In Proverbs 21:9, the Bible refers to a “quarrelsome woman,” but by verse 19, it refers to a “quarrelsome and nagging woman.” What we can learn from this is that the root cause of a couple’s arguments is the inability to control anger.

As we saw in Proverbs 15:18:

“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict.”

Friends, we must not become people who get angry easily. We must be slow to anger. Why? Because "the one who is slow to anger calms disputes" (v.18). We must become those who are slow to anger and who can calm arguments.

Why is this important?

Because Philippians 2:14 says:

“Do everything without grumbling or arguing.”

The reason Apostle Paul said this to the believers in the church at Philippi was because there were complaints and arguments within the church (v.3). The root of the grumbling and arguing was vain conceit (v.3). When there are people in the church who pursue showy outward appearances and self-importance without substance, complaints and arguments inevitably arise. The same is true of the modern church. The reason for grumbling and quarrels in the church is our conceit. Because of this conceit, we act according to our old habits and selfish desires (James 4:1), which leads to conflict in the church.

Why then, as Christians, must we do everything without grumbling or arguing, as Paul says?

Because Philippians 2:15 continues:

“So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky.”

This world we live in is twisted and crooked. Instead of walking the straight path that the Lord commands, people walk down bent and perverse paths. Their hearts are crooked—and because their hearts are crooked, their words and actions are also distorted.

In the midst of this crooked and perverse generation, we must live as God’s blameless children, shining the light of Jesus (v.15). To do this, we must live without complaining and arguing in everything.

The fifth and final type of person we must stay away from is someone who enjoys gossiping about others.

Have you ever discovered later on that someone had been spreading malicious rumors about you? If so, how did you respond when you realized that what was being said was completely untrue—that someone had fabricated lies and spread slander about you?

I have personally experienced such a situation. Someone created a baseless and completely false story about me and spread it throughout the apartment complex where they lived. The rumor didn’t just affect me but also reached people connected to me, who eventually came to inform me about it. I remember having a meal with two of them at a restaurant near our church to hear more of the details. I was so dumbfounded by the absurdity of the rumor that all I could do was laugh.

What I remember most from that time is feeling sorry—not for myself—but for the two individuals who had been dragged into the false rumor because of their association with me. I especially remember that one of the two didn’t even attend church, which made me feel even more apologetic. In fact, I ended up apologizing to them on behalf of the person who had spread the rumor.

Take a look at today’s passage, Proverbs 26:22:

“The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.”
In the Modern Translation (Korean Contemporary Version):
“The words of someone who spreads rumors are like delicious food that people eagerly swallow.”

There is a devotional reflection I still clearly remember, titled "The Strategies of Satan (4)". It was based on Acts 21:27–36, and during that QT (Quiet Time), I realized that one of Satan’s strategies is rumors (v. 31).

The core message of that passage is that the Apostle Paul accepted the counsel of James, the leader of the Jerusalem church, and all the elders. He entered the temple with four men who had taken a Nazarite vow and paid the expenses for their purification rites and sacrifices. Paul did this to demonstrate just how thoroughly Jewish and devout he still was.

But just as this was happening, Jews from Asia, who had come for the Pentecost festival, saw Paul in the temple. They stirred up the whole crowd and seized him. These Jews didn’t hesitate to spread false accusations about Paul, inciting everyone around them. Instead of first verifying the facts, they acted on assumptions and incited all the Jewish men in the temple courts to grab Paul.

Paul had already experienced something similar in Iconium (Acts 14). He and Barnabas had gone to the synagogue there and, as usual, preached the gospel. A large number of Jews and Greeks believed (v.1). However, some disobedient Jews stirred up the Gentiles and "poisoned their minds against the brothers" (v.2, NIV), leading to a plot to mistreat and stone Paul and Barnabas (v.5). The original Greek word here implies that they instilled venom in their hearts—turning them against the apostles.

How pathetic and tragic is this? Yet this kind of thing is still happening inside the church today. Even now, there are people within the church who spread false claims and stir up members. These are not claims based on facts but rather assumptions driven by dislike or hatred of a particular person. As a result, they incite others to take sides and form divisive groups.

Proverbs 16:28 warns:

“A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.”
And in Proverbs 10:19:
“When words are many, sin is not absent.”
This shows that in the church, someone who talks too much without regard for truth can stir up conflict among members.

Churches fall into conflict when people listen to the lies of the devil. Satan emphasizes differences of opinion and provokes division.

Friends, we must not be people who love gossip. We must be careful—extremely careful—because indulging in gossip can cause real harm to others.

For example, gossip can cause quarrels (Proverbs 18:6; 26:20), and it can separate close friends (Proverbs 16:28). That’s why Psalm 101:5 says:

“Whoever slanders their neighbor in secret, I will put to silence,”
And Proverbs 17:9 teaches:
“Whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

We are also warned not to speak idle words (Matthew 12:36), and we are cautioned in 1 Timothy 5:13 not to go house to house spreading nonsense or malicious talk (Nelson Study Bible).