We Must Exercise Self-Control

[Proverbs 25:16–28]

In 2 Timothy 3:3, the Bible says that during the "terrible times in the last days" (verse 1), "people" (verse 2) will be "without self-control" (verse 3). And indeed, even we Christians today lack self-control and act according to the desires of the flesh, contrary to the Spirit (Galatians 5:17, 19). Among the acts of the flesh that we are committing, “sexual immorality,” “discord,” “jealousy,” “fits of rage,” “selfish ambition,” “dissensions,” “factions,” “envy,” “drunkenness,” and “orgies” (vv. 19–21) seem especially prevalent among us. The reason for this is that we are not being led by the Holy Spirit. In other words, because we are not filled with the Spirit, we are carrying out the works of the flesh.

So Galatians 5:16 says, “So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Then, what does it mean to walk by the Spirit? It means to be filled with the Spirit and to bear the fruit of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (vv. 22–23). Here, I especially want to focus on “self-control.” The reason is that in today’s passage, Proverbs 25:28, Solomon, the writer of Proverbs, says:

“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
[(Living Bible) “A person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls.”]

With this verse at the center, under the title “We Must Exercise Self-Control,” I would like to explore nine biblical areas in which we are taught to practice self-control.

First, We Must Practice Self-Control in Eating

Look at Proverbs 25:16:

“If you find honey, eat just enough—too much of it, and you will vomit.”
[(Living Bible) “When you discover something sweet, don’t eat too much of it, or you’ll throw up.”]

So, what is overeating? It’s “consuming more food than a certain appropriate amount,” isn’t it? Overeating can lead to obesity or vomiting (according to the internet). Health Chosun, a health website, presents “9 Useful Tips for Changing Overeating Habits” (online):

1. Start with an appetizer 12 minutes before the main meal.
   “When you're full, your body releases leptin, a hormone that signals the brain to stop eating. It takes at least 12 minutes for leptin to send a fullness signal. Eating a light appetizer can trigger early leptin release, helping you feel full sooner and eat less.”

2. Prevent leptin resistance.
   “Habitual overeating can make your body insensitive to leptin signals, known as leptin resistance. Even if leptin is released, your brain doesn't receive the fullness signal, causing you to eat more and gain weight. Sweet foods like soda and snacks worsen this. Stress can also cause leptin resistance. So, watch your eating habits and manage stress.”

3. Boost your ‘fuel efficiency’ through exercise.
   “Even when eating the same amount of food, each person processes nutrients differently. Regular exercise improves mitochondria—the energy factories of cells—enhancing the conversion of nutrients into energy. Aerobic exercises like walking, running, hiking, and swimming are especially effective.”

4. Encourage serotonin secretion.
   “Serotonin is a brain neurotransmitter. When it's low, it can cause mood swings, depression, and even binge eating. Increased serotonin improves mood and suppresses appetite. Boost serotonin by getting sunlight, taking deep breaths, walking, listening to uplifting music, and chewing food at least 30 times before swallowing. Don't forget protein—it's essential for producing hormones like serotonin and endorphins.”

5. Focus only on eating during mealtime.
   “Watching TV or reading during meals prevents your brain from recognizing that you're eating, making you feel hungry again sooner. But focusing solely on your food helps prevent overeating.”

6. Eat low-glycemic index foods first.
   “The order in which you eat matters. Start with vegetables rich in fiber, vitamins, and minerals, followed by protein, and finally carbs and fats. Vegetables help you feel full quickly and for longer. Protein helps maintain fullness longer and supports muscle growth.”

7. Use small plates, cut ingredients large.
   “Take advantage of visual cues. When food is served on a small plate and cut into large pieces, it looks like more food.”

8. Pre-portion your meals.
   “If the food is tasty, you’ll likely overeat. Set your portion ahead of time. For example, if your goal is to eat 2/3 of a bowl of rice, scoop the remaining 1/3 into a separate bowl. Eating slower to match others’ pace also helps, and thorough chewing aids digestion.”

9. Check your emotional triggers.
   “Sometimes people overeat out of anger or depression. Ask yourself: ‘Am I eating because I’m truly hungry, or to forget a certain feeling?’ If your overeating is emotionally driven, find alternative activities. If you overeat when angry, promise yourself to call a friend or go to the sauna next time. Exercise or hobbies are also good substitutes. If emotional overeating becomes hard to control, seek professional help. It can lead to a vicious cycle—weight gain, low self-esteem, and feelings of failure.”

Proverbs 25:16 says, “If you find honey, eat just enough—too much of it, and you will vomit.” Solomon is saying that while honey is good for the body, don’t overeat it. We’ve already reflected on honey in Proverbs 24:13:

“Eat honey, my son, for it is good; honey from the comb is sweet to your taste.”
Solomon emphasized “honey from the comb” because it is sweeter. We also learned about honey’s health benefits. For example, Dongui Bogam, a classic Korean medical text by Heo Jun, says:
“Honey regulates blood sugar levels, relieves fatigue, contains calcium and magnesium, and is effective for insomnia, neuralgia, arthritis, and inflammation (pus).”

So Solomon, acknowledging honey’s benefits, still says to eat “just enough” and not to overeat (v. 27), meaning we should exercise self-control in eating. No matter how healthy a food may be, excessive consumption can harm rather than help.

The key is moderation (v. 16, Living Bible). Eating only “healthy” foods doesn't guarantee long life. An obsession with wellness can cause stress. One expert, Professor Park Tae-sun of Yonsei University’s Department of Food and Nutrition, said:

“There’s no need to strictly divide food into ‘good’ and ‘bad.’”
Even eating so-called “unhealthy” foods in moderation, if they bring you joy, can be mentally beneficial. Defining cola and donuts as junk food and obsessively avoiding them or fixating on calories can backfire. It’s better to eat a little of what you like than force yourself to eat things just because they’re healthy. Food is not just for survival—it’s also a joy (online source).

Therefore, we must cultivate the habit of enjoying food with moderation and self-control. May we all learn to enjoy healthy eating by eating in moderation, even with the healthiest of foods.

Second, we must restrain ourselves from seeking only our own honor.

Let’s look at Proverbs 25:27:
“It is not good to eat too much honey, nor is it honorable to seek one’s own honor.”
[(Contemporary Version) “Just as eating too much honey is not good, so seeking only your own honor is not beneficial.”]

Friends, what is “honor”? According to the Essence Korean Dictionary (online), honor is defined as:

1. A name reputed as noble or excellent in the world (e.g., “to restore honor”)

2. Awareness of moral dignity, or the state of being acknowledged and respected for one’s moral dignity

3. A person’s social evaluation or worth

4. A title granted to show respect and praise for one’s achievements, such as “honorary chairman” or “honorary citizen”

Pastor Kim Man-Poong defined honor as follows (online):
“Honor is a glorious name received by glorifying God and receiving love, respect, and praise from people by pursuing good works with righteous purpose through proper methods.”

Proverbs 22:1 says:
“A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold.”
The Bible tells us to choose a good name (honor) and favor over silver, gold, or great wealth.

When I think about “honor” and “favor,” the person that comes to mind is Noah from the book of Genesis.
Genesis 6:8 says that Noah “found favor in the eyes of the Lord.”
Genesis 6:9 says Noah was “a righteous man, blameless in his generation; Noah walked with God.”
I pray that my three children—Dylan, Yeri, and Yeeun—would also be people who find favor in the eyes of the Lord, like Noah.
Therefore, I hope that Dylan, Yeri, and Yeeun will have good names known and approved by God Himself.

Friends, we must live well in order to die well.
Then, what does it mean to live well? How can we know if we are living well?
It seems that whether one has lived well or not is only truly evaluated after death.
How can we know if we lived well? We can know by thinking about our names.
In other words, when people hear our names at our funeral after we’ve died, whether they praise them or not tells us how we lived.
There is an old saying that everyone has three names:

1. The name given by your parents

2. The name others call you

3. The name you acquire for yourself

What kind of name have we acquired?
As believers in Jesus, we must consider whether our names—earned through righteous lives—are names that are praised by both God and people.

Proverbs 10:7 says:
“The memory of the righteous is a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.”
This means that when the righteous are remembered after death, their names will be praised. That is a blessed name.

Ecclesiastes 7:1 says:
“A good name is better than precious ointment.”
King Solomon said that a beautiful name is more valuable than worldly wealth.

However, in the second half of today’s main text, Proverbs 25:27, King Solomon says:
“It is not honorable to seek one’s own honor.”
[(Contemporary Version) “Seeking only your own honor is not beneficial.”]

Here we must pause to point out something important:
There are two kinds of honor, and we need to distinguish between them.

One is the desire for honor.
This is a desire given by God, like hunger, the need for sleep, and sexual desire.
If our purpose is to acknowledge God as God, our actions are good in God’s sight, and the methods we use are proper—and if the result brings glory to God and benefits others—then our desire for honor is legitimate and desirable (see Deut. 26:18–19).

However, when we pursue honor as an end in itself—ignoring means and methods—to seek our own glory, that becomes greed for honor, which we must always guard against.
This is what Solomon warns about in Proverbs 25:27:
“It is not honorable to seek one’s own honor.”
This refers to greed for honor.

Why do people fall into greed for honor?
Studies show that many who suffer from honor-greed were often not recognized, praised, or loved by important figures in their lives—such as parents, siblings, teachers, or friends—and thus grew up with unresolved emotional needs.

It’s also observed that those caught in honor-greed often carry both inferiority and superiority complexes.
They constantly compare themselves with others and are extremely sensitive to how others treat or perceive them.
They harbor hidden envy and jealousy, and are shaded by anger and dissatisfaction.

Then how can we be freed from this greed for honor?
“To escape from honor-greed, we must look at ourselves through the mirror of God’s Word, correct what is wrong, and redraw our self-image.
We must aim not for honor itself but for the glory of God, and pursue what is pleasing to Him by good methods.
When we walk this path—in faith, hope, and love in Christ Jesus—we will receive honor, praise, and glory as a gracious reward from God.” (Internet source)

Third, we must restrain ourselves from going to our neighbor’s house too often.

Look at today’s passage, Proverbs 25:17:
"Let your foot rarely be in your neighbor’s house, or he will become weary of you and hate you."
[Contemporary Bible: "Don’t visit your neighbor too often. Otherwise, they may grow tired of you and come to dislike you."]
How would you feel if your neighbor came to your house frequently?
At first, when they visit a few times, you may be glad and happy.
But if you're busy or tired and your neighbor keeps coming over often, how would you respond?
No matter how close the friendship, visiting too often could become a nuisance to your friend.

In Proverbs 25:17, King Solomon, the author of Proverbs, tells us not to visit our neighbor's house too frequently.
But doesn’t the Bible tell us to love our neighbor? And wouldn’t that mean we should spend time with them, visit their house often, and build a relationship?
Indeed, visiting your neighbor is not inherently bad. In fact, it's a good thing.
It’s good to build friendships through close interaction with neighbors.
However, the key word we need to pay attention to in verse 17 is “too often” (or “too much of you”).

Visiting a neighbor is a good thing, but going too often can become burdensome to them—so the verse advises us not to do that.
Just as in verse 16 (which we already meditated on), honey is good, but eating too much of it can be harmful to your health.
Likewise, visiting your neighbor’s house is good, but doing it too often might not be.

The literal meaning of Proverbs 25:17 is “Make your footsteps valuable.”
So how can we make our footsteps valuable?
We must not overdo it by visiting our neighbor's house excessively.
We must also not overstay when we are there (Murphy).
And why is that?
The second half of verse 17 explains: “or he will become weary of you and hate you.”
In other words, the reason we should not visit our neighbor’s house too often is because “if you do, your neighbor may grow tired of you and come to dislike you.”
Therefore, it may actually be better to visit infrequently rather than too often.
This is one way to make our footsteps valuable.
I would like to call this “the principle of rarity.”

The Bible Knowledge Commentary puts it this way:

“A person should refrain from frequently visiting his neighbor, to avoid being a nuisance, but he should visit enough so that his visits are valued.” (Walvoord)

Our visits to our neighbor’s house must be well-controlled so as not to become a burden.
May our visits be thoughtful, valuable, and welcomed.

Fourth, we must restrain our lips.

In today’s passage, Proverbs 25:16–28, King Solomon, the writer of Proverbs, gives us four lessons about the mouth:

(1) We must not bear false witness against our neighbor.

Look at Proverbs 25:18:
"Like a club or a sword or a sharp arrow is one who gives false testimony against a neighbor."
In Proverbs 24:28, which we have already meditated on, Solomon said:
"Do not testify against your neighbor without cause—would you use your lips to mislead?"
We must not become false witnesses against our neighbor without cause (without reason).
We must not use our lips to deceive our neighbors.
Even if someone lies to us or deceives us, we must not respond in the same way.

Of course, one reason we should not act that way is because the Bible forbids personal revenge. But more importantly, as Christians, we must not lie or deceive our neighbors.
If we lie to and deceive our neighbors, we are pleasing the devil, who is the father of lies (John 8:44).
Instead, we must act according to the Golden Rule of Christianity.
What is the Golden Rule?
Look at Matthew 7:12:
"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..."
This verse clearly teaches us how to practice the second part of Jesus’s greatest commandment: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
The core principle is this: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
For example, if I want others to understand me, I must first try to understand them.
We need to develop the habit of seeing things from others’ perspectives.
Only then can we treat others as we would want to be treated.
Especially, just as we desire truth from others, we must first be truthful to them.
We must never speak lies.
And we must never bear false witness against our neighbor.
We must be people who give truthful testimony.

In Proverbs 25:18 again, Solomon emphasizes that bearing false witness against one’s neighbor is like a “club, a sword, or a sharp arrow.”
What does this mean?
A club, sword, or arrow are weapons that cause severe harm to others.
So, someone who bears false witness causes serious harm to their neighbor.
Therefore, we must not bear false witness against our neighbor.
We must not inflict deep wounds upon our neighbor.

(2) We must not sing songs to a heavy heart.

Look at Proverbs 25:20:
"Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart."
Proverbs 10:32 says, "The lips of the righteous know what is fitting."
In other words, the righteous speak words that fit the situation, bringing joy to the listener.
In Proverbs 25:11–15, we already meditated on the phrase “a word fitly spoken” (v.11), or in other words, appropriate speech.
We learned that “fitly” in Hebrew refers to “a wheel,” meaning well-timed and adjusted to the situation.
Words that are fitting for the occasion are as valuable as “apples of gold in settings of silver.”

Now, let me ask you: Is it fitting to bless your neighbor loudly early in the morning?
Probably no one would answer “yes.”
Why?
Because no one appreciates loud blessings early in the morning, even if they are well-intentioned.
Proverbs 27:14 says:
"If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse."
This teaches us that even when we act in accordance with God’s truth, we must also do so at the proper time.
No matter how good the action, it must be timed appropriately (Park Yoon Sun).

In Proverbs 25:20, Solomon compares singing to someone with a sad heart to two things:
(a) Taking away their coat on a cold day.
This winter has been particularly cold, and many are suffering from the flu.
Who would take off their coat on a cold day? We’d bundle up even more.
Likewise, singing joyfully to someone with a heavy heart is inappropriate—it does not fit the situation.
Can you imagine someone approaching you with cheerful singing when you’re grieving? No one would appreciate that.

(b) Pouring vinegar on soda.
The Hebrew word translated as “soda” is “natron,” an ancient alkali mineral used for cleansing.
Jeremiah 2:22 says: "Although you wash yourself with soap and use an abundance of cleansing powder, the stain of your guilt is still before me,” declares the Sovereign Lord.
When vinegar is poured on natron, it immediately fizzes and reacts violently.
Likewise, singing to a grieving heart without any sympathy causes further agitation (MacArthur).
Therefore, we must not sing to those with broken hearts.
Instead, as Hebrews 4:15 teaches us, we must sympathize with their weaknesses and, as Romans 12:15 says, “weep with those who weep.”

(3) We must not gossip.

Look at Proverbs 25:23:
"Like a north wind that brings rain is a sly tongue—which provokes a horrified look."
[Modern Translation: “As the north wind brings rain, so a gossiping tongue causes anger.”]

The phrase “sly tongue” in the original Hebrew literally means “a tongue of secrecy.”
This refers to a slanderous tongue—one that defames others behind their backs (Walvoord).
If we criticize someone behind their back, and they hear of it, won’t they become angry?
Especially if we make up false accusations or use deception to harm their reputation, they may even sue for defamation.

In 3 John 1:9–10, the Apostle John mentions a man named Diotrephes, who loved to be first.
He not only refused to welcome the apostles (v.9), but also gossiped maliciously against them (v.10).
In today’s terms, he was someone who slandered and criticized church leaders.
This is a very serious spiritual failing.
When believers in a church gossip about or criticize their pastor, they are like Diotrephes.
We must not slander or defame others in the church—not pastors, nor fellow believers.
Gossip destroys relationships and can divide the church. Who would be pleased with that?

Criticizing and slandering the Lord’s people is a wicked act (v.10), and we must beware of such people.
Proverbs 10:18 says:
"Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool."
The Revised Version says, “The one who gossips is a fool,” and the Common Translation says, “Those who habitually gossip are foolish.”
Leviticus 19:16 commands:
"Do not go about spreading slander among your people."
The modern version says, “Do not go around spreading rumors about others.”
So we must not go around speaking ill of others.
We must not gossip. That is the action of a fool.
A wise person is cautious with their words—especially about others.
They do not reveal secrets (Proverbs 11:13).
Let us be such wise people who do not slander others.

(4) We must use our lips to share good news.

Look at Proverbs 25:25:
"Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land."
The wise not only avoid gossip, singing inappropriately, and bearing false witness—they also share good news with their lips.
As Solomon says in Proverbs 25:25, “Good news from a distant land is like cold water to a thirsty soul.”
What does this mean?
Good news refreshes a weary soul, like cold water satisfies thirst.

It reminds us of Psalm 42:1:
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God."
Living in this sinful world, we mostly hear bad news every day through the media.
Like Lot, who lived in Sodom and Gomorrah, our righteous souls are distressed by the sin around us (2 Peter 2:8).
As a result, our broken spirits long more for the Lord.
When we come before the throne of grace with a thirsty soul, what refreshes us?
It is the gospel of Jesus Christ, the good news.
Therefore, we must use our lips to share the good news—the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Fifth, we must refrain from putting our trust in others.

We must be very cautious about trusting people. Especially when we are going through difficult and trying times, and our minds and bodies are weary, we need to be careful about people who approach us and treat us extremely well. The reason is that in such moments, we may fall into the temptation of relying more on people than on the Lord. In particular, we must avoid people who speak out of both sides of their mouths. For example, in today's text, Proverbs 25:18 speaks of "a man who gives false testimony against his neighbor." We must stay away from such people. Especially in times of difficulty and suffering, we must not place our trust in those who are dishonest and lie.

Looking at Proverbs 25:19, King Solomon, the author of Proverbs, says:
"Like a bad tooth or a lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in a time of trouble" (NIV).
[The Living Bible: “Putting confidence in an unreliable man is like chewing with a sore tooth or trying to run on a broken foot.”]
Here, he warns us not to rely on the unfaithful. Why? Because relying on an unfaithful person is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking with a dislocated foot. Can you imagine trying to eat with a broken tooth? Would you walk on a dislocated foot? The Bible tells us that relying on unfaithful people in times of crisis is exactly like that. Therefore, we must not rely on the unfaithful in times of trouble. Instead, we must trust in the faithful God.

Psalm 125:1 says, “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.” The Bible says that those who trust in God will be unshakable like Mount Zion and will endure forever. A “mountain” is a symbol of stability and rest (Park Yoon Sun). Those who trust in God will stand firm in the face of any hardship or adversity, and they will enjoy the peace and rest that God provides forever. How is this possible? How can we remain unmoved and at peace in this troubled and sinful world, filled with worry, hardship, and death? It is possible because God protects those who trust in Him (v. 2).
Jerusalem, geographically, is said to be surrounded by many mountains (Park Yoon Sun). Just as mountains surround Jerusalem, God surrounds those who trust in Him. This means that those who trust in God dwell forever in His presence and receive His eternal protection.

God says to us, “Call upon me in the day of trouble” (Psalm 50:15). Why? Because when we cry out to the faithful God in the day of trouble, He will answer us (Psalm 20:1) and comfort us (2 Corinthians 1:4). Also, because God will deliver us from that trouble (Psalm 50:15), we must call upon Him. Therefore, may we glorify God by trusting in Him.

Sixth, we must refrain from hatred.

During the Lunar New Year, I saw news of families returning to their hometowns with their children to visit their beloved parents. I even heard an elderly person say in an interview that they are happier because of their grandchildren than even their own children. How grateful it is to have the whole family gathered together in joy. For Christian families, we must fulfill the dual commandment of Jesus—to love God and love our neighbor—and make our homes a little heaven on earth.
However, in many homes, hatred is sprouting more than love. There are families shedding tears due to wounds and pain. In particular, conflicts between husbands and wives are becoming increasingly severe, and in some households, the relationship between parents and children is marked more by hatred than by love. If it is a Christian family, we ought to love one another with God's love.

Our old nature demands "life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot" (Deuteronomy 19:21). Our sinful instinct is to hate our enemies. That hatred can grow to the point where we want to destroy them. Thus, our natural tendency is not to forgive but to take revenge. But the Bible says:
"Do not say, 'I’ll do to them as they have done to me; I’ll pay them back for what they did'" (Proverbs 24:29).
Also, Proverbs 20:22 tells us: "Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you."
This means that even if someone causes us pain, we must not try to cause them pain in return.
Romans 12:19 says:
"Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord."
So, the reason we should not repay evil ourselves but wait for the Lord is because vengeance does not belong to us—it belongs to God. He will repay on our behalf, so we must trust in Him.

In today’s passage, Proverbs 25:21, the writer of Proverbs says:
"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink."
When I reflect on this verse, I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:43–44:
"You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
By nature, we love our neighbors and hate our enemies. But here, even the concept of “neighbor” that Jesus refers to includes not just those who love us (Matthew 5:46), but even our enemies. That’s why Jesus said, "But I tell you..." and taught us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.
The practical application of that love is today’s verse—Proverbs 25:21—which teaches us to feed our hungry enemies and give water to our thirsty enemies.

How is this possible? How can we supply food and water to our enemies?
I found the answer in Romans 5:10:
"For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!"
The Bible says that when we were still God’s enemies, God reconciled us to Himself through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. That is, when we were still God’s enemies, Jesus died for us and demonstrated God’s love for us (v. 8).
When this revealed love of God fills us, we can love our enemies rather than hate them.

Then why does the writer of Proverbs command us in 25:21 to feed our enemies if they are hungry and give them water if they are thirsty?
Look at Proverbs 25:22:
"In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you."
[The Living Bible: "For your kindness will heap coals of fire on his head, and the Lord will reward you."]
According to Pastor John MacArthur, in ancient Egyptian culture, when a person wanted to publicly show remorse for their sins, they would carry a basin of burning coals on their head. These coals symbolized the burning shame and guilt within (MacArthur).
So why does the writer say to give food and drink to your enemy?
There are two reasons:

1. First, when we show love to our enemies, they will feel ashamed and guilty for the hatred and hostility they harbored (MacArthur).

2. But more importantly, as commentator Park Yoon Sun notes, our enemies' cold and hardened hearts may melt like wax before the fire and be transformed into new friends.
   Apostle Paul also quoted this in Romans 12:20, encouraging the believers in Rome—and us—to love our enemies. Why? Because by doing so, we may turn enemies into friends in the Lord.

1 John 3:15 says:
"Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him."
[The Living Bible: "Anyone who hates another Christian is really a murderer at heart; and you know that no one who has murder in his heart has eternal life within."]
So, hating a brother is equivalent to murder, and a murderer does not have eternal life. Conversely, those who have eternal life through faith in Jesus, the Son of God (1 John 5:12–13), must love God and love their neighbor, obeying Jesus’ dual commandment as citizens of the kingdom of heaven.
Therefore, let us refrain from hating our brothers or enemies. May we, by God’s love, love not only our neighbors but even our enemies.

Seventh, we must refrain from quarreling.

Dear friends, as Christians, we are commanded by Jesus to love our neighbors as ourselves. Yet, even though we know this, we sometimes end up hating our neighbors, and even quarreling with those we dislike. What is the cause of this? James 4:1 explains the reason:

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”

The reason we quarrel is because of the desires that fight within us. We must fight against these desires. 1 Peter 2:11 also exhorts us:

“Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.”
[Contemporary Translation: “Dear friends, we are like foreigners and strangers in this world. So I urge you to resist the sinful desires that fight against your soul.”]

We must resist the fleshly desires that battle against our souls. One of those desires is the desire to quarrel. Therefore, we must fight and overcome the urge to argue.

Proverbs 25:24 talks about a "quarrelsome wife" or a woman who loves to argue:

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Why would a wife quarrel with her husband? Proverbs 15:1 gives us insight:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
[Contemporary Translation: “A gentle answer calms anger, but harsh words stir it up.”]

Can you picture it? When someone is angry, we should calm them with gentle words. But if we respond with harsh words—as if pouring oil onto a fire—how do you think they will respond?

Proverbs 15:18 also says:

“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.”
[Contemporary Translation: “A quick-tempered person causes conflict, but a calm person puts an end to it.”]

If we are quick-tempered and easily angered, we inevitably cause quarrels. That’s because we often speak recklessly and harshly when angry—saying things that hurt others (15:4). Therefore, when we are angry, we need to hold our tongues. In other words, we must exercise self-control in our speech when we’re upset. Because if we don’t, our words may be harsh and cause wounds to others. That is why we must be “slow to speak” when we are angry (James 1:19).

I also looked into Proverbs 25:23 to find the reason a wife quarrels with her husband:

“As the north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks.”
[Contemporary Translation: “Just as the north wind brings rain, gossip causes anger.”]

The reason a wife quarrels with her husband is due to a “slanderous tongue”—or gossiping tongue. This “slanderous tongue” implies a “secretive tongue,” meaning flattery that harms others to benefit oneself (Park Yoon-sun). When a husband hears such speech, he becomes angry, and the couple ends up in conflict.

Scripture says that living in a large house with such a woman—who slanders her husband, speaks harmful or flattering words for her own gain—is worse than living alone in a small hut. Similar verses can be found in Proverbs 21:9 and 21:19:

“Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife…
Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”
[Contemporary Translation: “It is better to live alone in a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife…
It is better to live alone in the wilderness than with a bad-tempered, argumentative wife.”]

In Proverbs 21:9, the wife is described as "quarrelsome," but in verse 19, she is described as "quarrelsome and ill-tempered." Why? Because the root of quarreling is an inability to control one’s anger. We know this because Proverbs 15:18 tells us:

“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict.”

But it also says:

“The one who is slow to anger calms a dispute.”

If, in a marriage, one cannot control their anger and is easily provoked, it inevitably leads to conflict. Why? One reason is that anger leads to harsh words (15:1). Therefore, when meditating on "a quarrelsome woman" or "a quarrelsome and angry woman," Proverbs 19:13 says:

“A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof.”
(Also see Proverbs 27:15)

What does this mean? A wife who is prone to arguing with her husband frequently quarrels to the point that peaceful days are rare, and once a quarrel begins, she speaks endlessly like a constant dripping of water (Park Yoon-sun). If such a wife continues to pour out harsh words in anger like a dripping leak, how do you think the husband will react?

It is better to live in a hut or the wilderness than in a large house with a quarrelsome and angry woman. It is better, even if uncomfortable, to live harmoniously in a small hut than to live in constant conflict in a big house. As believers, we must be committed to building a peaceful marriage in the Lord.

Eighth, we must refrain from yielding (to evil).

In today’s passage, Proverbs 25:26, the writer of Proverbs says:

“Like a muddied spring or a polluted well are the righteous who give way to the wicked.”

The Hebrew word for “give way” here means “to fail,” “to fall,” or “to stagger.” It refers to staggering and falling due to being in an inadequate state (Swanson).

Friends, when we are spiritually lacking—especially in our faith—don’t we often stagger and eventually fall when we face hardships and trials in our spiritual lives? The psalmist expresses this kind of fear. Look at Psalm 13:4:

“And my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’ and my foes will rejoice when I fall.”
[Contemporary Translation: “Don’t let my enemies say, ‘We have defeated him!’ Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.”]

The psalmist was afraid that his enemies would say they had defeated him and would rejoice when he stumbled. Friends, when our faith is shaken, we are at great risk of failing and falling.

Not only that, but in our weakness and inadequacy, as our faith wavers, we may unwillingly end up agreeing with or accepting the ways of those who oppose us. That is why we must not be shaken. To avoid this, as the Bible teaches, we must cast our burdens on the Lord (Psalm 55:22). When we do that, God will sustain us and will never let us be shaken (v. 22).

Friends, as Christians who have been justified by faith in Jesus through God’s grace, we must clearly distinguish between what we should and should not yield to.

So, what should we yield to? Look at Romans 8:7:

“The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so.”

This passage teaches us that the fleshly mind does not and cannot submit to God's law. In contrast, we Christians, who have been reconciled to God through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross, must submit to the law (Word) of God.

Then what must we not yield to? As Proverbs 25:26 tells us, we must not yield to the wicked. For example, when we suffer persecution from unbelievers because of our faith in Jesus, we must not give in to them. Why? Because yielding to the wicked is like “polluting a spring or muddying a well” (v. 26, Contemporary Translation).

Can you imagine it? You go to draw clean water from a well, but someone pollutes that water with something dirty. Who would want to draw water from that well again?

I believe something like this happened in Korean church history during the Japanese occupation—when some Korean Christians participated in Shinto shrine worship. I believe, as today’s passage teaches, that this was an act of yielding to the wicked. As a result, many believers were likely disappointed. Yielding to evil in this way does not set a good example for future generations of Christians. Therefore, we as Christians must not yield to the wicked. We must refrain from giving in to them.

Ninth and lastly, we must control our hearts.

Look at today’s passage, Proverbs 25:28:

“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
[Contemporary Translation: “A person without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken down and unprotected.”]

Friends, imagine a city with crumbled walls. Now imagine enemy forces attacking that city. What do you think will happen to the people inside? Being in a vulnerable and defenseless state, they will inevitably be defeated.

The Bible says a person who cannot control their heart is just like that. A person without discipline or self-control is bound to be vulnerable to trouble and temptation.

For example, someone who cannot control their anger—someone quick-tempered—can fall into trouble and temptation and sin against God. Look at Proverbs 14:17 and 29:

“A quick-tempered person does foolish things, and the one who devises evil schemes is hated…
Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”

The Bible says that a person who cannot control their anger commits foolish acts. Someone with a hot temper simply exposes their own foolishness. That’s why Proverbs 29:11 says:

“Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”

Friends, we must be able to control our anger. We must be able to restrain it. Look at Proverbs 16:32:

“Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.”

We must be people who rule over our hearts. We must be those who are slow to anger and able to control our temper.

In conclusion, let me end our meditation on the Word.

We must practice self-control. We must control our eating, our pursuit of honor, our visiting of neighbors, our speech, our trust, our hatred, our quarrels, and our hearts.

May the Holy Spirit bear the fruit of self-control in us, for self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit.