Wife and Friend

[Proverbs 18:22, 24]

Friends, do you think that the most important thing in life is meeting people? In an article titled “The Most Important Thing in Life Is Meeting,” it says:
“… To live is to meet. Meeting with parents, meeting with teachers, meeting with friends, meeting with good books, meeting with many people. Human happiness and unhappiness are determined through meetings” (Internet).

What do you think about this statement? My personal opinion is that the most important meeting in our life is the meeting with Jesus. And while meetings with parents and teachers are important, I think the meeting with one’s spouse is truly crucial. The reason is that I believe after Jesus, the most important meeting is with the spouse. Then, meetings with parents and children are important too. Among these, another important meeting is with friends. The reason is that I believe meeting good friends shapes our lives.

In today’s passage, Proverbs 18:22 and 18:24, the wise King Solomon, the author of Proverbs, speaks about the “wife” and the “friend.” Today, focusing on these two verses, I want us to think about “the wife and the friend” and receive and obey the lessons God gives to you and me.

First, let’s think about the “wife.”

Look at Proverbs 18:22:
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.”

Husbands, how do you think about your wives? When you think of your wife, do you think, “I have received a blessing from God”? Hopefully, you are not thinking, “I have received a curse from God,” right? (Haha.)

When I think about the “wife,” I recall Proverbs 5:18-19, which we have already meditated on:
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

The lesson we already received here is that we must bless our wives. But how should we do that?

(1) We must delight in our wives.

Look at Proverbs 5:18:
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.”

How should husbands delight in their wives? Husbands should always be satisfied in their wives’ arms. Proverbs 5:19 says:
“She is a loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

To always be satisfied in one’s wife’s arms means husbands must be captivated by their wives’ love. Especially, we must be captivated not by her beauty, but by her virtue. This is the meaning behind the metaphor “loving doe and graceful deer” (Park Yoon-sun).

When this is so, we will only enjoy the love of our wife, who is our “well” and “spring” (v. 15), and will never abandon her to go to the house of a prostitute. In other words, when we find satisfying refreshment—both sexually and emotionally—in our wives, we will never long for the arms or love of a prostitute (v. 20).

King Solomon says in Proverbs 5:16-17:
“Why should your springs be scattered abroad, your streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.”

But how many husbands today scatter their springs outside and share them with others? How many men abandon their wives and go to other women? Many husbands are not always satisfied in their wives’ arms; they do not delight in their wives and thus do not desire their love (v. 19), but instead desire prostitutes and embrace other women’s breasts (v. 20).

When we men abandon our wives and become interested in other women, we inevitably taste the consequences of our sinful choice (vv. 7–14). Those punishments include loss of honor (v. 9), loss of time (v. 9), loss of money (v. 10), loss of health (v. 11), and suffering of conscience (vv. 12–14).

Therefore, we must know the consequences of adultery and not desire prostitutes. Rather, we must always be satisfied in our wives’ arms and delight in them.

(2) To bless our wives, we must regard our wives as the blessing that God has given to us (18:22).

Of course, the author of Proverbs, King Solomon, is not talking about just any wife. The “wife” he refers to here is “an excellent wife” (12:4), “a prudent wife” (19:14), or “a wife of noble character” as described in Proverbs 31 (31:10). Look at Proverbs 31:10:
“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”

Proverbs 19:14 tells us that such a virtuous, prudent wife comes from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22, our main text today, says that whoever finds such a wife obtains favor and receives grace from the Lord. In other words, a husband who has such a wife is blessed because such a virtuous, prudent, and noble wife is a treasure (a very precious person) to him.

Then why do many husbands not regard their wives as the blessing that God has given them? What is the reason? One reason is that the woman is not virtuous, prudent, and noble, but rather a “contentious woman.” Look at Proverbs 12:4:
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.”

What does this mean? Who is a “contentious woman”? It refers to a woman who is quick to quarrel with her husband (Park Yoon-sun). About such a quarrelsome woman, King Solomon says:
“It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (21:9),
“Better to live alone in the wilderness than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife” (21:19; 25:24).

Perhaps some of us men want to excuse ourselves by saying, “God did not give me a noble wife, but a quarrelsome and temperamental one. How can I regard such a wife as a blessing?” It sounds like a plausible excuse, doesn’t it?

If I heard that, I would want to say to that brother, “God did not give you a quarrelsome wife; you chose her, so take responsibility and raise her to be a noble wife.”

Far too often, men reject the virtuous, prudent, and noble wife that God offers, and instead choose a woman who looks pretty and attractive but later proves to be quarrelsome and temperamental. If we have made such a choice, we must take responsibility and commit to nurturing our wives into noble women.

Right now, many men are acting irresponsibly toward the wives they chose to marry. They are not afraid to speak curses to their wives and also act in ways that make their wives feel like cursed people. In short, many wives now live without receiving love from their husbands. What a miserable life for a woman!

Friends, we must regard our wives as the blessing God has given us. The wife is a blessing that God has given to us husbands. We should delight in our wives and always be satisfied in their embrace.

Finally, second, let us think about the “friend.”

Look at Proverbs 18:24:
“A man who has many friends may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Have you ever felt proud of having many friends in your life and even boasted about it? I have. When I was a senior in high school, I used to hang out with many friends, and once I boasted about having about 40 friends gathered in a café in Koreatown. I vaguely remember feeling proud that I had so many friends.

I don’t really know why I hung out with so many friends then; I just liked having many friends. But now, among those many friends, I only have about four very close friends. In the end, I now have only about one out of ten friends left. Haha.

In Proverbs 18:24, the wise King Solomon says two things:

(1) What King Solomon is saying is that “the one who gets many friends will come to harm.”

Why does the one who gets many friends come to harm? I looked for the reason in Proverbs 14:20 and Proverbs 19:4:
“The poor is hated even by his neighbor, but the rich has many friends” (14:20),
“Riches increase friends, but the poor is separated from his friend” (19:4).

The Bible says that the rich have many friends. However, in today’s passage, Proverbs 18:24, it says that the one who gets many friends will come to harm. What is the reason? The reason is that many of those friends come because of the wealth (according to Park Yoon-sun). Have you ever had someone come to you and become your friend because of the money you have? If so, that person will leave you if you no longer have money. The reason is that he wanted to be your friend because of your money.

I have experienced this a little. When I was in high school, hanging out with many friends and using drugs, I saw how friends divided among themselves. Some friends who did drugs would cling to friends with money and leave those without money, like me. In the end, King Solomon says that having many friends who come because of wealth brings harm.

Isn’t that interesting? How rich was King Solomon? Among the many people who came to him, wouldn’t there have been some who wanted to be friends because of his wealth? I think Solomon said, remembering his experience, “The one who gets many friends will come to harm.” The important thing is not how many friends you have but what kind of friends you have.

(2) King Solomon also says, “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24).

What does this mean? In short, there are friends who are closer than brothers. Do you have friends who are closer than your brothers? Look at Proverbs 27:10:
“Do not forsake your friend or your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.”

The Bible advises that in times of trouble, it is better to go to the house of a close neighbor—that is, our friend or our father’s friend—rather than a distant brother. Why? Because a close neighbor (friend) is better than a distant brother. Then, what kind of friend is closer than a distant brother?

(a) A friend who sharpens my face.

Look at Proverbs 27:17:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

What does this mean? It is a metaphor for mutual help among believers (Park Yoon-sun). A friend closer than a brother is a friend who helps one another. Therefore, he seeks the growth of his friend and sees that his friend shines.

(b) A friend who offers faithful counsel that delights the heart.

Look at Proverbs 27:9:
“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from faithful counsel.”

Here, the “faithful counsel of a friend” means “counsel of the soul,” referring to sincere and loving exhortation toward a friend (Park Yoon-sun). That earnest counsel also includes painful rebuke for the friend. Look at Proverbs 27:6:
“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

A friend closer than a brother not only gives faithful counsel that delights the heart but also lovingly rebukes when necessary because of love for the soul.

(c) A friend who lays down his life for me.

Look at John 15:13:
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Jesus considered you and me as friends and laid down His life on the cross for our salvation. Where is greater love than this? This is the love of a friend closer than a brother: a friend who lays down his life for his friend.

To conclude this meditation, friends, whoever gains a wife gains blessing and receives grace from God. God gives the blessing of a spouse in our lives. Not only that, God also gives us the blessing of friends. More than that, God allows us to meet friends closer than brothers. May this blessing of God be with you.